Why I’m Not In A Relationship Anymore

– So as you guys may or
may not have noticed, I’ve been trying to do more sharing and being more vulnerable
and open with you guys. Anybody who follows me over on Instagram, I’ve been pretty vulnerable there. I did karaoke for the
first time the other day and put a video up over on my Instagram. So if you guys want to check
that out and laugh at me, that’s exactly why I’m doing that. So I decided I want to get
vulnerable with you guys in this video today. So there’s really no way to
preface a video like this. I’ve done about 500 videos
total on my channel before. Some of them I deleted just because they weren’t
necessarily the highest quality. Of every video I’ve ever made on YouTube, this is the most difficult video that I’ve ever had to put together. And no I’m not simply taking advantage of my relationship to click bait YouTube or anything like that. I think I have a very valuable lesson that I want to share with you guys. And I just want to give you guys a full disclaimer right now. If you are a subscriber of
mine who watches my videos to learn about the stock
market and passive income, and you don’t really care
about my personal life, then don’t watch this video. This is not really the video for you. But if you are somebody who is maybe looking at
the deeper meaning of life and looking beyond chasing
money and things, then I think this is going to be a really
valuable video for you, as difficult as it for me
to sit down and record this. So as many of you know, I was with my girlfriend
for a year and a half. And back in basically the end of July, I came to this conclusion that I had to breakup with my girlfriend. And I wanted to share with you guys why I ultimately made this decision. That’s basically it, why I’m single. And so, really this comes back to a lot of stuff that happened with me in, I guess, my childhood and younger parts. Not that anything really bad happened. But everybody has these little
things that happen to them along their journey in life, that chip away at something
called worthiness. Worthiness, and the feeling
of being whole and complete, and worthy human being. And so, the long story short here, and I’ll tell the long story too, but the short answer to this is that, I was trying to, my entire life I’ve been
trying to find worthiness and validation through external things. And I’m going to go into
more detail about this, but essentially I came
to this conclusion that worthiness is not going to
come from an external factor. It’s not going to come
from a bank account. It’s not going to come from a car. It’s not going to come from anything, other than my own opinion of myself. All right. That might make sense
a little bit more here as I go into more details here, okay. So let me start back by circling back to, this was about right after
college, this was maybe 2016. I got my white board here, I actually want to draw something out. I’ve actually had this conversation with probably a dozen or so people in the last couple of weeks, and it seems like it’s
a very valuable message. I hope you guys get value out of this too. And I’m terrified to make this video. I’m going to be completely
honest with you guys right now. But I just want to share
this message with you guys and I hope that it helps
somebody out there. So this is a relatively
straight forward complex here. The pillars of life. Some people say there’s four pillars, I see five pillars in life. There are five different areas in life that you can be focused on
at any give point in time. And these are what
ultimately, in my opinion, bring you overall a good
sense of fulfillment. And these areas are your
health, your wealth. And we know what heath and wealth are. Personal development is
more of that, the mindset, the business stuff, you
know developing yourself, think and grow rich, that type of stuff. Spirituality and then relationships. So essentially what it comes down to, back in 2016, I had
this deep feeling within of not being a whole and complete person. And to be honest with you, I’ve never been a
tremendously confident person throughout my entire life. And that really doesn’t
have much of anything to do with my upbringing, I just was not a confident person. And so, I had this idea
in my head that okay, if I could become the
fittest person in the world, if I got into tremendous wonderful shape, I will feel worthy of somebody’s love. I will feel worthy as a person. I will feel like enough for somebody. So 2016, basically this is how this works. These are all like buckets or levels. And you can be spread evenly across them or you can be too much in one area and not enough in another area. So I want to draw out
what my life looked like at that point in time. So this was essentially my life in 2016. I went something like this, I was working a nine to five job, and I was working for the utility company, I’m sure you guys have
all heard this story, and I was literally obsessed
with fitness and working out. I had this idea in my head, that if I could get the six pack abs, if I could get into
tremendous shape physically, it kinda made sense in
my mind at the time. If I look good physically,
maybe I’ll feel good physically. So I literally went all in on the health pillar of life. And I had a little bit
in the wealth category. I mean I was still making
good money at my job and I was doing some investing. Little bit of personal development
mixed in there as well. I was reading books,
“Think And Grow Rich”, “Rich Dad, Poor Dad”, but I had neglected the areas of my life of spirituality, as well as relationships. I wasn’t in a relationship, I wasn’t interested in relationships. I solely felt that okay, if I
could get into amazing shape, I’m going to feel like a really whole and complete individual. Now, I did that. I did get into really, really good shape. And I’ll put a picture up on the screen so you guys can see that. But I still felt like inside. I’m going to be completely
honest with you guys, I still felt horrible inside. Like I was unworthy of anything really. I felt very unworthy and I
had this idea in my head, okay if I’m the fittest guy in the gym, if I have six pack abs
and I’ve got a big bicep, I will have to feel confident. I will have to feel
worthy of things in life. And I didn’t. So I said, okay that’s not the answer. And essentially, I rearranged my buckets. And I’ll show you guys
what that looks like now. So this was basically what I’ve rearranged these buckets to look like. After I went all in into
the health side of things and tried to become the most fit person that I could physically, and I realized that I still
felt pretty unworthy deep down. I arranged my buckets
essentially in this manner. I was still focused a
good amount on health, just because it’s very important. If you don’t have your
health, this other stuff, health has to come first in my opinion. Your own physical health. So it’s always important to
be in this health bucket. I then said, okay maybe being
the fittest person the world isn’t going to make me feel
worthy, whole, and complete, but you know what will,
being the richest person, or the richest person in my family, or the wealthiest person among my friends. There’s my goal. So I basically dumped all
that from the health category, took about half through
it in the wealth category, chipped down on personal development, and I left a couple of drops in the bucket here for relationships. And then again, my spirituality bucket, I always said nah man,
that’s not the ticket. There’s no way spirituality has any affect on your happiness in life. A little foreshadowing, that is the bucket that most people are
missing in their life. And that is why most people
feel bad about themselves. So essentially, that is
what my life has looked like for the last two years. And it’s involved basically
two relationships. I was in one relationship for
nine months with somebody. And then literally after I
broke up with that person, I was in another relationship,
literally within seven days. And then that relationship
was a year and a half. And so I’ve been in
relationships with people for the last two and a half years or so, with this exact setup of my life here in terms of what my focus is on. And the moral of the story
here if you couldn’t notice, wealth and health are not
going to bring you fulfillment and happiness in life. And buying your dream car,
and having money in the bank, I mean it’s great, it’s helpful. It’s helpful in a way
because having the money allows you to buy back your time. And then you can spend time figuring out how to be a happy and worthy human being. But money, in and of
itself, is not the answer. And so what had happened in, not so much in this first relationship, that was more of a casual relationship, but my relationship with. We lived together, and we
lived together for a year. I was emotionally unavailable to her for the entire relationship. And I’m not sitting here
blaming myself entirely, I’m not blaming her entirely by any means. We each had our own faults
in the relationship. But I was truly emotionally
unavailable to her, and I mean, this is what
I was working with here. This very small amount of energy that I was giving this
category of relationships. I came to this conclusion after accumulating a good
amount of wealth for myself, after buying my dream car, after buying the house of my dreams. I had all these things
in that wealth category that I thought were going to bring me, again, this feeling I was
chasing of being worthy, whole and complete. And guess what? I didn’t find it there. And so then (laughs). So then it’s like where do I go from here? Where do I go from here, when I’ve basically been
duped twice in a row? Thinking, getting this physically fit body is going to make me feel whole,
and complete, and worthy. And then having the car,
the money, the house is going to make me feel whole,
and worthy, and complete. And I’m very thankful to
have been though this. I wouldn’t change anything about this. And I’m glad I’m in a position now, where I can actually figure
this stuff out myself. Because I have the money
to buy back my time. And I can travel and stuff. But what it comes down to is, as much as I wanted to change
and to be a better person for, this right here, if we take this and draw
a circle around this and we label this C-Z. This becomes a comfort zone for you, okay. And it’s very difficult to
break out of this comfort zone without a major change in your life. And so as much as I wanted to change and not neglect my
girlfriend and you know, as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t do it. And what I’ll tell you
is the one thing feeling than chasing wealth and then feeling unfulfilled, is when you know you’re
also hurting somebody in the process. So long story short here. I basically made the decision that I would rather not hurt
somebody else in this process and then actually be able to fix this, then to be continuing this cycle in my comfort zone of chasing money, and having nothing in
my spirituality bucket. And it wasn’t just the relationship
with that was suffering. Within this year, my grandfather has had
two different surgeries. He had colon cancer and he
also had a pacemaker put in. And I’m sitting there realizing
that I haven’t seen him in six months and we live
10 miles from each other. And I would see him two
or three times a year. And I was just overall
feeling very unfulfilled in these other categories. And I realized I need
to change everything. And as much as I wish that
I could have changed this, a comfort zone is a very,
very difficult thing to break out of. And I tried. I went to therapy with, and I read books, and I did everything
that I felt that I could in that relationship to try to change and to focus more on her, and to not neglect her
in this relationship. But she had immense capability to love and the other thing, is she
was almost loyal to a fault. Where she knew that she wasn’t
getting the love from me in this relationship. Or the attention from me,
but she stayed with it because she saw it within me. And she saw how much energy I could devote to this category of wealth. And I think she was hoping that
eventually I would wake up, and realize that that’s
not everything in life. But unfortunately, in most cases, what I’ve found in my own life change doesn’t really
come from a good place. Change comes from a very dark place. So now, if I draw my buckets for you guys. I’ll draw my buckets and
I feel much better overall with these buckets as far
as the pillars of my life. So right now I’m leaning very heavily into the spirituality category, because that’s literally
something I’ve never ever done in my entire life. I’ve never considered that spirituality would actually have any
difference on my feelings. And then I’m more or less
evenly spread between relationships with friends and family, my personal development,
wealth, and health. And so it’s not so much
about, you know the grind and putting all of your effort
into one of these verticals. That’s the secret to, that’s the reason that
most people are unhappy. They go all into one of
these pillars of life. They become obsessed with health and having the most physically fit body. Or they become obsessed
with chasing wealth and they destroy their
body in the process, neglect people that they love. Or they go all into, the
personal development and wealth kinda go together. Or they go all into relationships. And they’re simply just
trying to find somebody to complete them. And they’re going all in,
looking for this relationship not doing any personal,
spiritual, health, development. And so, what I have found to be true here is that the way to truly
find happiness in my opinion, and to begin feeling worthy
is to have even buckets here. And I am very much leaning
into the spiritual category right now just because that’s an area I’ve totally neglected and I’ve
been spending a lot of time. Every single day, meditating,
reflecting, reading, and beginning to dig deeper
and understanding where these feelings of the lack of
worthiness actually come from. And it’s been dark. It has been dark these
last couple of weeks. I’ve had some highs
and I’ve had some lows. I’ve had lows where I’ve
literally found myself crying for hours on end. And I know, men are not
supposed to cry or whatever, but that’s all bull anyway. I’ve had highs and I’ve
had lows in this experience in the last couple weeks. I will continue to have highs and lows, but rather than seeking
external validation from a relationship or from money, or from having the most fit body, I’ve decided to really
look a lot deeper in myself and understand where do these
feelings of unworthiness actually come from. And essentially, yeah what it came down to the reason I’m single is
because I’d rather be lonely and alone but feel okay inside. I would rather feel
better, than to know that I’m not happy with chasing money and I’m dragging someone down with me, and I’m roping somebody
into this equation. And continuing to
neglect this relationship with this beautiful human being. And I would rather not. I would rather actually figure my out and become a whole and complete individual before I begin to revisit
that idea of a relationship with another human being
in that type of way. Family relationships, friendships, I’m focusing a lot more on that, but in terms of a real
relationship with somebody I will not be returning
to that until I am truly a whole and complete and
worthy feeling individual. And worthiness has nothing to do with any of these other categories. Spirituality, that leads you
to understanding worthiness. And there are so many people
out there pushing that money, that the perfect
body, and all this, and the perfect relationship is gonna make you feel worthy in life. And I will tell you that is bull. And it’s not true. And true worthiness will
come from, in my opinion, evenly, a well-rounded life. And maybe even leaning
more so into spirituality. But anyways guys, let me
know what you guys think in the comments section below. I have no idea how this
video is going to go over. I’m terrified to upload it, but whatever I will see
what you guys think. I’ll try my best to
answer some comments here. And if you guys are struggling right now, with any of these buckets or whatever, talk to people, reach out to people. And maybe leave a comment. I’ll answer as many comments as I can. But like it’s also, it’s okay
to not be okay sometimes. It’s okay to lean into
that darkness a little bit and it will really show
you a lot of stuff. Maybe you didn’t want to dig
this stuff up out of your past. But digging up these bones,
and looking at these skeletons in your closet, really does
start to paint the picture of where that lack of
worthiness comes from. So I would encourage you guys,
when you’re ready for this, to begin to go down that
road of exploration. But thank you guys for
watching this video. Drop me a comment down below and I will do my best
to answer all of them. I really have nothing
else to add at this point. This is very awkward for me,
getting out of my comfort zone. I certainly hope this goes over well. But thank you guys.

Michael Martin

100 Responses

  1. Just wanted to explain one thing that I forgot to in the video: what exactly do you mean by spiritual category?
    This is different for everyone. For me, this means meditation and tapping into my "higher self." I am a firm believer of the law of attraction. But whatever this means for you is fine! As long as it does not involve putting down someone else's spiritual beliefs.

  2. Dude i didn't think i would remain interested enough to watch the entire video but found it more insightful than i thought i would.. I really do hope you find the fulfillment in life that you are seeking

  3. Best video you've ever uploaded, Ryan. I can empathize with everything you're saying and I think you did a great job illustrating your journey navigating life's pillars. I wish you the best, man. All we can do is keep figuring it out.

  4. Ryan I watched the whole video and I have to say thank you for sharing this . I am 22 and since I was 20 All I have been doing is chasing wealth and investing and forgetting about the other buckets. I know what I have to do now . I have to make the buckets even .

  5. Know Jesus Know Peace …. No Jesus No Peace… Accept Jesus as your personal savior and you’ll find a purpose and a love and worthiness that you never felt before. 💪

  6. Man that was a hard but very mature decision that not many people are even willing to make. Seek your peace man and it will reward you more than you can imagine. I went through the same thing several times and still trying to find out what really makes me happy. One key is not to put all of your energy into one bucket but instead put equal amounts of effort into all aspects. Eventually you will realize which makes you happy and gravitate towards it. Great video!

  7. Hey Ryan, you need Jesus. There is absolutely nothing else that will give you the worthiness your soul is craving. And no one else can fill the God-shaped hole inside you. Take a look at some things the great Billy Graham says right here on youtube.

  8. Thank you for this very realistic video, and if you are not already, I suggest you watch a few of Russell Brands videos on here, he has an amazing way of expressing how to understand the need to put effort into all your “buckets” as you put it. ☺️

  9. Watched to the end. Thanks for sharing. Sometimes its difficult to bring into perspective what we actually need. Proud of you for recognizing and acting on that.

  10. I too aggressively seek to build my health, wealth, family, and continue to increase in knowledge and understanding. What I found was that with spirituality doesn't have to be restricted. All things are based on intent. The energy the source, God, the limitless power what ever you call it. This power has a systems just like all other systems around us in us. We have to meditate, read, think, reason and ask those with better understanding of life which path is best suited for us.

  11. Don't get upset bud, it's you're life and you choose what's best for you, no point in just one of you being happy…
    3.7 billion women in the world, as a numbers man ………..
    Realtionships are there to test us until the right one does come along.

  12. this is the EXACT feeling im going thru bro! its like we chase so much in the material & forget about the spiritual . We're all God's children just tryina get back to the truth which is the most high. once we understand the spiritual , then EVERYTHINg else falls into place

  13. Ryan…You don't go on a spiritual journey you're already on one. It encompasses all the other boxes and has very little to do with religion, go easy on yourself your young.

  14. 14:40, goodluck, I believe that category is one of the most important. Puts you in a better position to work on the rest of your buckets. Great advice

  15. This is amazing. This is a great example of what it means to be a man…not about muscles and money. To do something courageous and humble from a place of love…we should love and be loved in a way that makes us feel free and freely loved within the partnership and when apart. Sounds like a true act of love and is inspiring. And the contemplative, growing, spiritual, well being seeds you plant now will come back with a full harvest and there will be a flow. This is wonderful and what’s supposed to be that lies ahead will manifest itself at the right time again with a peace beyond understanding despite highs and lows

  16. Hi Ryan! Thank for sharing this video! I am so happy you're finding your way to fulfilment! Recommend Audiobook Eckhart Tolle "The Power of now" My favourite Spiritual Teacher
    All the Best!!

  17. those feelings come because we are not created for this life it's our need to go back to heaven to hear god voice again we left heaven and we are in constant need to go back. that's it basically.
    that's who I think about it as a Muslim it's ok for me to feel empty because it's remined me of god. hope you find the answer

  18. Great video Ryan, thanks for sharing! Makes me stop and think for a bit about my own life and my own boxes, especially about feeling worthy of love, help and happiness.

  19. Great video bro! Sucks, hopefully you find the middle ground. Your videos have been inspirational! Been watching when you had those posters on your first couple videos lol. Take it easy bro!

  20. This is kind of a OCD comment, but shouldn't all the buckets equal 100? In that case, the S bucket can't be 100% by itself. Just sayin… Otherwise, I get it, great vid!

  21. I have to be honest I kinda feel bad for your gf that you are using your relationship as an example for a video. But it is real life, and I do appreciate that you are opening up the minds of people that wouldn’t normally watch a self love topic like this. Kudos. And wishing you well. Being single is amazing!

  22. I'm confused. You were mainly focused on wealth, hence neglected your girlfriend, which didn't sit well with you. To remedy that, you no longer focus on wealth, which basically frees up time and energy to invest in your girlfriend, but instead you leave her?

  23. I thought I was the only one to go through this.

    I've lost many of my friends except few over the past few years simply because I didn't attend them, to push myself and the worst part is that I didn't even care.
    Just like what you did, my top priority as of now is health, wealth, and some personal development.

    Couldn't speak about relationships when I'm not even 18 yet, but have never considered it something worthy at any point.

    Confidence is something I've always lacked because of my 5'7 height but now have slowly started accepting the reality and getting comfortable with it.

    This video is one of the best you've ever made, especially for someone like me, and I can't thank you enough.
    It feels great to be in personal touch with a genuine person like you, Ryan, and I'm sure you'll be thrilled with your decision very soon.

  24. This is probably the most significant/important video you have ever made Ryan. None of the other stuff matters without a balanced perspective and healthy sense of self worth. Congrats to you for figuring this out very early in life. Oh, and real men not only cry but aren't afraid to admit it. I'm happy for you bro and can't wait to see what is next for you!

  25. May the lord God bless you Ryan. Please read Matthew chapter 6 v33. Says Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you. This is needed in your spiritual bucket. Jesus loves you, crying to him talk to him like you are speaking to your listeners. Matthew chapter 7v7 says Ask and it shall not be given to you, seek, and ye shall find, knock, and it shall be opened unto you. The Jesus Christ is our spiritual father he loves us with his unconditional love. He is the one can make you completely whole. Without him in our life spiritually we have nothing. Hope you are blessed by the word God.

  26. Bro, ultimate meaning for life is in Jesus Christ. Not in relationships health or money, no offense. Not that those things aren't important, they just aren't the main purpose. Also sex and living with a woman ought to ideally come after marriage. Today that's rare for numerous reasons, and even marriage gives no guarantee for the relationship to succeed. Relationships are hard work but faith in Jesus Christ can make all the difference.

    I also made the mistakes of hurting women in the past in relationships, and learned from it, it sucks. God made women to be loved, not to be used as so many are doing today! Thanks and may God help us in all things for his glory.

  27. Very inspiring video, Ryan. I’m very much intrigued. Is there a book that you recommend that has helped you along? Perhaps with the “5 pillars” or columns you talk about?

  28. Hey, Ryan. I've watched your videos for quite some time and felt that you were losing your way recently. I'm glad that you took the decision to tackle this head on and wish you all the best.

  29. I think you missed a point about relationships. What makes a relationship stronger is improving yourself and growing WITH your partner. You already have your shit together, there’s no need to wait until you are ready, it’s a fallacy, no one is ever ready. If you broke up due to loss of attraction, that’s understandable. But if you were truly attracted physically and mentally, then you could have made it work. Many opportunities will come, but don’t beat yourself up for simple things.

  30. Ryan there nothing like raking a break in a relationship, I am happy that you are trying to keep finding your self. I like your long vlog.Ryan I am proud of youfor being a real man that not playing with women hearts.

  31. After a family member passed away a relative said "we all need to slow down and appreciate all the people we value in our lives" … I'll never forget that

  32. Wow and yes you’re completely right 80% of the people across the world fail to discover this simple true ..read the Bible bro and good luck to you and thank you more making this video it will help a lot of people .

  33. Hi Ryan, having heard what you said I want to tell you something important, you know we could have money, power, relationship but none of those would satisfy you infact you would never feel at peace because your soul that is within you the soul is searching for its lord its creator, instead of being critical or just ignoring I invite you to look into islam, read the Quran you don’t have to believe anything just read the Quran even if you are critical of it. people will tell you horrible things but being a intelligent person do you research study do what your soul is seeking

  34. I sincerely applaud you for the courage it took to share such a personal and private experience. You have shared so much of your knowledge with us and now I’m smiling in gratitude as I observe that you are acquiring WISDOM! ….and that, Buddy, is PRICELESS. Just remember during your roller coaster of emotions, that in the end, you will be OK. 👌

  35. Self awareness is tremendously important to be in the game. Once you know who you are and have your points that you will not compromise on, then you will be a force that grows in power, and this will attract what you need to your life.

  36. Ryan go to Colombia it will be a life changing experience, not to mention you just might find a beautiful Colombian wifey!
    Take the trip you won't regret it

  37. Hey Ryan, thank you for sharing. This video gave me a lot of clarity for my own situation, that has been a nightmare for the past two months, full of anxiety, depression and uncertainty. And even though I'm the healthiest and wealthiest I've ever been, I simply could not put a finger on the reasons why I am feeling this way (aside from a break up, that was initiated by her, due to being neglected, with me prioritizing my health and wealth over them). With this pillar concept explanation things make a lot more sense now and provide somewhat of a path. Thanks again.

  38. Good for you, man. So proud of you. Not much to add beyond what others have said, except that I admire your insight, your determination, your ability to be honest with yourself and to make changes based on that combination. That’s a recipe for a life well-lived, a life well and deeply examined, a true and honest relationship with yourself as a foundation for all the rest.

  39. Don't bleep the curses. It seems less frank without them in. Best of luck on your journey. Hope your granddad's health improves.

  40. Oh no…I was spiritual. Spirituality didn’t help put food on the table, it didn’t save a loved one from dying and it didn’t help the loss and suffering I and others had to go through.

    Only money helped. I regret wasting all my time on prayers and trying to be closer to a higher being.

  41. Life is full of highs and lows. And all our lives it will continue to be. There’s nothing perfect about it. But there’s nothing wrong in striving for perfection. It’s called goals. we have to choose to be happy in the highs and choose not to let the lows take us to low. You’ll figure it out. Don’t rush yourself. Calm down and take a breath. Just from watching your channel off and on for a while, you seem to be very capable of figuring things out. However, some things life will have to bring to you.

  42. You're living your life, and you're learning from it. Most people will just stay in their delusion of a good marriage, good job, good life, and keep telling themselves that their current life, the current status quo and daily rhetoric is perfectly fine, when it actually isn't. Its just a hallucination.
    You've taken the big step and realize, that there's still shit to be done. There's still shit to learn, there's places to see, people to talk to, and lots of yummy food still to try out.
    My sister had a similar thing about 10 years ago. What appeared to be a good marriage, with a good husband, and they had their own successful startup company. They were on their way to retire by 50 well off. But…. suddenly, she said, "this isn't me", and she got divorced, and wanted to start over. She said, she thought everything was right, but it just wasn't. I couldn't understand any of it.
    NOBODY in the family understood her. We all felt she was throwing it all away. EVERYONE in the family criticized her…….harshly.
    She went bankrupt
    She she foreclosed on her home.
    She was making less than 30k a year now, from previously living in a household making 100k-150k a year at the time with it steadily increasing every year.
    Was was she THINKING?
    Maybe she saw what she would be,
    10 years later, she's, the vice president of a large corporation, a college professor, on TV, was on the cover of a business magazine, had an article written about her in Forbes last month, traveling the world creating thousands of jobs from country to country, talking to senators about job creation ideas, and carried the American Flag at a nationally televised football game last week……
    Who knew.
    I didn't, I thought she had made the biggest mistake of her life 10 years ago.
    Shows what I know.
    Live and learn, that's what you're doing. Others, just live and live.
    But you, you're living, you're learning, so that you'll live even better.

    Maybe it'll sound weird to you but. I'm not worthy either.
    I'm envious of you, in a good way. Professionally, spiritually, Economically, I'd like to be where you are.
    Physically I also believe that getting in good shape would get me more, and I've put a lot of time into it. Work out everyday, or at least 6 days, got my creatine, whey protein, hammering through it. But financially, I am a joke in my family.
    I haven't got a clue, I'm here watching videos to learn about the stock market so I can create some dividends.
    But in my family, I make the least and I am the least successful. Inside, it makes me feel like the smallest person in the planet.
    My Sisters, my Cousins, have won Emmy awards, are lead engineers at fortune 500 companies, work at Google, Work at Cisco, Work at Oracle, Producer at NBC, successful real estate brokers, owns 16 gas stations, 18 rental properties, CEO's of companies, live in the Hamptons, my Grandpa was also a millionaire real estate mogul, 80 years old with this 29 year old…..Grandma? I was older than my Grandma now….. Yeah, one of "those" kinds of marriages. After my Grandpa passed, I haven't seen or heard from her since. My family either detest me, or I dont' know how they feel since they don't talk to me anymore. My parents do, and they've never made me feel bad, but I think deep down they are disappointed. I know they are. I am.
    My sister as aforementioned is looking to buy my parents a home. She showed me the house, she said it was a good value at $1.1 million.
    I can't even fathom it. I don't even have a home.
    Its hard for me to see my parents, they live overseas and work won't give me enough time off, and I could barely afford it. Its easy for my sister since she travels the world for a living and can stop near by so she sees them often. My parents want to move back near me, but I've got nothing to give, I wonder why not near my sisters since they are far more financially stable, and my sister tells me its because they worry about me the most. My parents offer to buy me a house, anywhere. ANYWHERE on Earth, but I can't accept that. I tell them, YOU GUYS by a house ANYWHERE on EARTH for YOU. But they said, they're not worried about them. They're worried about me.
    Yeeeeeesh…… Makes me feel even worse.
    I'm going to live in a Van, down by the river. WHICH IS OKAY. It depends on which River, and what kind of van! I'm thinking, somewhere in the valleys of the Swiss Alps.

  43. Thanks for sharing; You are a very intelligent man. Try reading the Bible & about Jesus & your real purpose in life. Jesus loves you more than u can imagine. You have helped many people. Keep up the good work. 👍👍. Everyone loves you very much. Go visit your grand pop . 🥰💕🥰 , luv, Kathy

  44. I carried a little paperback book around for more than thirty years.  It was given to me by mentor when I was seventeen.  Weathered and dog eared, it survived Kuwait, Somalia, Iraq and Afghanistan.  It outlasted three brief relationships, four cars and five work transitions.  It endured eleven trips by sea around the Earth during one occupation.  I think it has to be one of my most treasured possessions and it's called Meditations by Marcus Aurelius.  I simply couldn't recommend it enough to struggling men.  I'm sure there's an audio here on YouTube for it.  Hope this helps.

  45. You have a very good heart Ryan ,thats why i follow you , i follow many investors ,not millionaire one but billionaire and all said , money is important but not everything ,will will die some how and it will all be here not with us.

  46. my dude, i have watched you matured throughout my time following your channel, i had mentioned i loved your drive but im so amazed by your maturity. You are so young and you are in such a good spot! keep doing what you are doing! you have my support!

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