What do you need in a relationship?


No one likes to be called needy when
they’re in a relationship but we all do have needs and it’s important that you
get what you need in your relationship that’s what I’m gonna be talking about in
this video: how to figure out exactly what you need and the first step in
getting those needs met But first, hey there! If you don’t already know me my
name is Brian G. Murphy I’m an activist, educator and certified relationship
coach and I’m here to help you build and sustained relationships that are fun and
fulfilling. Last week I made a video all about the importance of figuring out
exactly what you’re feeling when you’re in a relationship and I shared a tool
that you can use to help you do just that
if you haven’t already seen that video there is a link to it down in the
description box below or you can click on the featured video up there so the
trick is once you figured out exactly what you’re feeling to use that feeling
or those feelings to point the way towards your unmet needs and figure out
how you can get those needs met now this is an important time to talk about the
distinction between a need and a want a ana tactic a need is a base human just
like need I don’t quite know how else to say it
other than it’s it’s a need something basic that humans need in order to
survive so things like food water shelter community independence also
things like play creativity to be seen to be understood and on and on and on a
tactic on the other hand is something that we might do or ask others to do in
order to get those needs met and that will vary from person to person and even
moment to moment so if you need food you could buy some steal some you could ask
your neighbor for some you get a job to make money to go buy some right if your
need for intimacy isn’t being met you might try and meet that by asking your
boyfriend to buy you flowers by planning a grinder free movie night at home by
going out and getting a couples massage at a fancy spa a want is usually just a
tactic framed in a different ways so I want you to buy me flowers because I
want to have my for intimacy warmth trust harmony met
you know things like that now whether those wants and tactics will actually
get your needs met is of course another question entirely so sometimes it takes
a little bit of trial and error and so if you focus on the need rather than the
want or the tactic you’re ultimately going to be more successful more
satisfied more and more couples are realizing the importance of
communication in having a healthy relationship and the importance of
asking for they want and they need in a relationship if that’s you if you’re
already there that’s awesome and I’m gonna help you take this to the next
level and if you are still struggling to ask for what you want and you need in a
relationship that’s totally okay everyone has been there at some point
and we’re gonna help you get started on the right foot
so as I said before it’s really important for you to distinguish between
a need and a want or a tactic that you want to use to get that nemeth and
here’s why that distinction is important your boyfriend might want to help you
get your needs met in whatever is lacking but he might not want to do the
specific thing that you’re asking him the tactic that you’ve narrowed and on
to get that need met now of course sometimes in our relationship compromise
is important and it’s also okay to be a little bit uncomfortable because or for
your partner sometimes but you might find that you’re able to get your needs
met even more effectively or your boyfriend baby be even more excited
about that or able to do it better if you focus on the needs and and use
that as an opportunity for some creative collaboration to figure this out
together by focusing on your the needs and coming up together with the tactics
to meet that um this is an opportunity for collaboration rather than sort of
competing agendas against each other so as uncomfortable feelings come up in
your relationship and now you know how to use those feelings to point the way
to needs that you might have unmet currently it’s important that you get
clear on what those needs are first before you jump into a conversation with
your boy friend or in a worst-case scenario
before you get into an argument with your boyfriend once you figure out
exactly what those needs are then the next step is to make a request of your
boyfriend the key word here is gonna be a request not demand not manipulate not
give an ultimatum but request and that’s what I’m talking about in next week’s
videos so make sure that you subscribe so that you get that if you haven’t
already and if you see a video on the screen right now that means it’s already
out so go ahead and click on it and I will see you over there

Michael Martin

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