[music]>>Derek: Hey, it’s Derek Hart, and in this
free video series, let’s move again into myth #1, part 2 about relationships, the myth that
we shouldn’t need each other. Now let’s listen to Emily for a little bit as her relationship
journey continues.>>Emily: You kind of, sort of asked about
if was all crying about the relationship, and I think that it was just straight up crying
about how afraid I am to be needing you, and wanting to be close to you and how much it
sucks when you’re not close to me, and that’s what I want, and I don’t know what to do about
it, waaaah, like, this like, messy.>>Derek: Emily clearly states her fear of
needing Jed and wanting to be close. But when we’re sharing our deepest cravings to be close,
it often feels unnatural or risky to share what we need.>>Derek: Ya, maybe you could turn to him
and say that again. Derek:>>Like, this, like, slow it down, so without being
specific about wanting something, just expressing the bottom line.>>Derek: I help the couple move into the
deeper feelings about these needs. I ask Emily to turn to Jed and create a new kind of interaction
that is slowed down and vulnerable, and actually quite simple.>>Derek: I need you Jed.>>Emily: It’s really hard to say.>>Derek: Ya>>Derek: Would you look at him and tell
him it’s really hard to say that I need you.>>Emily: It’s really hard to say that I need
you.>>Derek: The risk is a little too scary to
share directly with Jed how strong the need is to be close to him, so I ask her to share
that “it’s really hard to say that I need you.” This made the level of risk much easier to share. One of the keys to connecting deeply with your partner is not hiding. Intimacy is letting
your partner in on the places that you feel alone. We’ll expand these ideas in our next
video, where Jed opens to wanting to be there for Emily.>>Jed: The words like manage or satisfy aren’t
quite there, but like to know that I can be there, for her, in the ways that she needs
me to be there for her, and also manage the rest of my life.>>Derek: Here’s today’s question.
What do you hide from your partner? Be gentle.
Take a small risk. Express something that has emotions underneath
it. Try to listen and not interrupt each other.
When one person is done, then switch. I’d love to hear your comments on this video,
and if you answered these questions with your partner, let me know what you learned.