Recovering From Adultery: Forgiveness is Not Trust


Hi, this is Phyllis Tarbox with Above and Beyond Christian counseling and today I’d like to talk to you about a topic we don’t
talk about much adultery and forgiveness and forgiveness is not trust I hear this
in counselling often I have forgiven my offender but I do not trust him does
that sound familiar well guess what that is a perfectly acceptable statement
forgiveness is a requirement by God but Trust is earned when I am counseling
couples the two are often confused so I’d like to just share a couple of
stories with you based on adultery because I think this outlines it really
clearly the first couple that I had came in dealing with a reeling from adultery
the husband had lied he got caught said he was sorry and expected the wife
to forgive him she did but she told me she did not trust him the husband felt
like he had been transparent long enough after just three months of good behavior
he expected full reconciliation and the subject dropped and forgotten the wife
sat on my couch like in tears because her feelings were being minimized and
her concerns were being silenced this gave the enemy fertile ground for the
demonic Kingdom to root in the wife’s heart
that’s when demons of bitterness enter rest resentment frustration impatience
and anger they do their best work in concealed dark places of silence but God
heals in the lights confronting the wound makes you stronger
but concealing it gives the enemy a battleground this couple did not
reconcile because the husband did not have a repentant heart
however the wife was able to forgive set clear boundaries and turn her heart to
doubt alone she came in for a look for deliverance and she set her eyes on the
future and she got set free her husband went
back to the other woman and fell into a downward cycle that separated him from
God the second couple came in broken the husband had confessed to having an
affair and he asked the wife to forgive him he had a contrite and humble heart
that was really convicted by God he was repentant who was willing to submit to
full transparency he actually gave her full access to his cell phone Facebook
and email and then he severed all ties with the other woman
changed jobs and went through deliverance he was set free and healed
but the wife struggled with bitterness for a long time her admissions his
admission of this affair shocked her after 30 years of marriage and it
wounded her heart and she admitted she wanted him punished but because of the
husband’s love for the wife God prevailed and she eventually came in for
deliverance and chose to fix her eyes forward on the future along with her
husband at her side and they are a testimony for dealing with adultery so
I’d like to give you five trust takeaways to help with this number one
Trust takes time there are no there are time limits in the Bible for grieving
and other things but there are no time limits for rebuilding trusts with
adultery I often suggest that the offender be open to a time of
questioning along with the transparency of all social media and text messages
however there is a time limit for testing and much like punishment it has
a beginning and an end if this time is not defined it will render the offender
hopeless both spouses need to plan to move forward with deliverance and from
what I’m from that point on it can all be put under the blood of Jesus Christ
and healed this path is essential to couples in crisis and it’s also why they
need a longer amount of time in counseling before deliverance
without deliverance couples end up babysitting demons and there they end up
waiting for them to manifest and then it ends up becoming a tormenting cycle of
distrust because those spirits have lost and bitterness are not cast out so
number two look for the humble and contrite heart of repentance getting
caught in the act and saying I’m sorry is not going to manifest the fruit of
the Spirit the offender needs to own their sin and not you sorry just to
smooth out the relationship and expect the subject dropped the true fruit of
the Holy Spirit needs to be seen in a person’s life before trust can be fully
established number three set clear boundaries and goals for your marriage
the most loving thing you can do for your offender is to set boundaries they
can understand and work toward without clear instruction it becomes a guessing
game and press guessing game of frustration for both spouses number four
don’t rush the process seeds are planted they take time to grow I see too many
couples rushed and make compromises with God’s timing and end up circling the
mountain over and over again number five adultery is not always the
end of a marriage but it takes two people committed to God willing to
forgive and take the time to rebuild a foundation of trust if you’re in the
battle give us a call deliverance for both husband and wife should be part of
your path to reconciliation I hope this blessed you today have a
great week you

Michael Martin

5 Responses

  1. Love your wife and give your life for her just as Christ gave you a command. If you follow what Christ said they would be no cheating. Cheating happens because man are doing a lots of wrong, they abuse use their woman

  2. I have been faithful my entire 23 years, my wife cheated with dozens of men for a decade, planned to rob me, and gave me stds …I know the process well, I forgave her and the men, wife got saved , repented , we went thru deliverance and for three years has been a better person and closer to GOD, spending time daily bathed in His word, so trust is growing between us as I see her put her money and time to use for God instead of hotel rooms, yes my scars may hurt when you push on them but it’s a scar not an open wound anymore…it’s a battle scar helping fight for her soul…

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