Questions To Ask When Choosing A Marriage Counselor | Paul Friedman

Hi, this is Paul Friedman. I founded The
Marriage Foundation and I hope in today’s video to help give you more
clarity about what you should and shouldn’t do in marriage counseling.
Those of you who have been following me, those of you who have read my articles
or my books know that I’m dead set against marriage counseling; however, some
of you are going to try it even though I’m against it, and I want to help you
get the most out of your sessions. So, if you like this video be sure to sign up
for our mailing list, put a like, you could put a comment, ask questions, I’ll
get back to you, I will interact with you that’s very
important. So, let’s get right into this your very first session is what we’re
going to talk about now. Most people who go into their first session discover
right away that the therapist wants to know “What’s up?” I call it the what’s up
questioning, and it can come out in different forms of course, so
what brings you here, what’s going on, etc. You don’t want to answer that. Your
very first session with the therapist should be dedicated to you and your
spouse vetting them. You need to make sure that you’re not going to waste your
time. I honestly don’t care about your money because if it works who cares what
it costs, I care about your time because the time that you spend starting now
when you’ve decided, you’re gonna do something about your marriage; it’s very
important. You don’t want to be discouraged. You don’t want to waste your
time and energy or you’ll give up, and we don’t want you to do that. So the first
session is dedicated to you asking questions of the therapists. Number one
question should be, what do you base all of your teachings on? Because basically,
they’re going to be teaching you about marriage. You’re not
going in there just to solve this issue or that issue. You want your entire
marriage to improve. It’s been trending in the wrong direction so you need to
understand who’s guiding you. You don’t go up on a mountain. You don’t
conquer Everest with someone who doesn’t know what they’re doing so you want to
ask. “What do you base your principles on? Are they based on spiritual principles?
Are they based on scientific principles? Can you give some examples of the
principles that you base your teachings on? I want to know. We need to know this.”
Then, you want to ask about their process. How long typically do you spend with
couples or with individuals? How do you do it? Do you want to meet with both of
us? Do you want to separate us? How do you want to do it, and why?” You have a right
to know this. If you go into the doctor and you have an infection and it’s coming
out with all kinds of symptoms, you’re not going in just to deal with the
symptoms. You wanted to deal with the internal infection and a good doctor is
going to explain exactly what he sees, why it’s indicating this particular
infection, and how he’s going to heal it, what protocol, what medications, what he’s
going to expect you to do on your part. You have the same thing here.
Your marriage is sick. The issues are merely symptoms. Now, you also want to ask,
“How many marriages have you saved in the last six months?” Trust me. If he says, “Well, I have one couple that’s have been seeing me a year.” Head for the hills,
your marriage should be turned around very quickly that’s what real marriage
help does for you so you want to find out. You don’t want to know about clients
satisfaction. This is a diversionary tactic. You want to know about
successes. “What kind of clients came in to see you? That were they experiencing and
what are they experiencing now? Are they happy? Is it working?” You want to
get into it. You want to know how they work, exactly how they work so you know
what to expect. This is very important. Now, what you really don’t want to do is
you really don’t want to get into the issues — you don’t, and I’m gonna get into
that in another video because it’s very very important.
So again, if you got something out of this and I’m sure you did. Then, like it
and sign up for the mailing list. We need to stay in touch. We want to get your
marriage on track. People who look at these videos generally don’t have the
perfect marriage yet, and you should. Marriage is supposed to be perfect. Yeah!
You may not be perfect, your spouse may not be perfect, but your marriage can
be. Okay. Thank you very much for spending time with me, and I love you.

Michael Martin

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