Overcoming Sexual Temptation


Hey everyone, what’s up is
Rob, I’m here in Romania, in a town I can’t pronounce
the name of, just got done. One of our last events actually tomorrow
is our last day of events and then Tuesday I have a free day
and I fly out on Wednesday, but it’s been really
awesome, very productive. But today we’re here to talk about
overcoming sexual temptation. I am doing these live videos every
Sunday night, Sunday night, my time. I’ll continue to do them Sunday night. When I get back to the States Eastern
standard time and just really talking about some of the tougher issues
when you’re waiting, you know, when you’re waiting to have sex, you’re trying to find love before sex as
I like to say. Hey Tammy, how are you? Miss the States, miss back home. and, so this was one of the,
recurring issues that I saw, especially from men,
to be honest, like men, this is a very tough issue that men
have to deal with because the way we’re wired is we really, you know, want sex and we feel like we need
sex and we can’t live without sex. And when a woman wants to
give you sex, you know, outside of, you know,
commitment, like you’re like, why wouldn’t I do this? You know, like, it’s basically the equivalent of someone
trying to give you money. You know, like you have to be so
smart to say no to it. Yes, it is tough for women, but it’s not the
same. It is definitely not the same. You know, I love something that’s Stephan
Labossiere said at one of our events, he said, look, if you took two rooms and
one room was all the sex, all the sex, you know, freaky
sex with all the people. And then in the other room was
everything but sex. It was conversation, it was cuddling and it was, you
named all these different things. He said the majority of men
would go in the first room. The majority of the women would go in
the second room. And I think he’s right. You know, and it, it kind of goes to
show you that there were just different, you know, we’re, we’re not the same. I know we are equals but we
are not the same, you know, something I talk about and the 10 reasons
video actually just was talking about it, at the event that we had here.
And it’s the transfer of control. That was the point number
four, of the 10 reasons. And it’s when you’re
coming into a relationship, men and women that we want different
things and we’re in control of different things like women, you know, women are in control of the sex
when we have sex for the first time. That’s what they control. And men
are in control of the security, the commitment. That’s why we asked women
to marry us, not the other way around. So, because what, when you
look at it on a base level, men wants sex and women
wants security, you know, so like I said in the video, a woman that’s giving sex and not
getting security, real security, which is marriage, she’s giving and she’s not getting
and the man’s getting and he’s giving, which is why the world looks at him
as the stud and the woman as the hoe. And I’m not saying that it’s right, but you have to understand that we are
different and I’m sexual temptation is a, it’s just a different animal
for men. So really quickly, my story, who am I, why am I
qualified to talk about this? So I was a, I was the biggest stripper in my city for
several years for about, I don’t know, I stripped for about eight years, but
I was probably the, the, you know, the biggest, most popular or pro
was in the phone book. And you know, I had a ton of casual sex,
you know, for several years. And then I got called by Jesus. I
didn’t know he was real, but he’s, he called me and said, I’ve got
a plan for you. And I stopped. I stopped and I was
abstinent for six years. I didn’t have any understanding
of this concept of waiting. I didn’t understand why, why it
was a sin or why it was wrong. Why anyone would wait if girls ever
told me they wanted the, you know, they didn’t want to have sex. They
wanted to wait. I was like, why? Like we’re just gonna make each other
feel good. Why are we, why would we wait? So, but when I was absent in those
six years, I started to really get it. I started to understand it actually
back slid in 2006 for a few years. I rededicated in 2011.
And I’ve, I’ve, you know, for the last eight years I’ve been
on a, I’ve been waiting. I, I didn’t, I did make two, slip ups over the
course of the last eight years. Just two single nights, just,
you know, slipped up and, had sex. But for the most part, you know, I’ve been abstinent for 14 of
the last 19 years and I’ve had, and before that, you know,
I’ve had a lot of casual sex, so I’ve really lived on both ends of this. And I understand this probably
better than anyone on earth. I honestly believe that
cause I just understand it. It doesn’t make it easier on me. It’s,
it’s not any easier to do, but it, I do understand it. And when you
understand something and how it plays out, it makes you more likely to
do it. Like I said, you know, not long ago tonight, I said I don’t
like going to the gym. You know, I don’t, I, but I know that the
benefit, so I do it, you know, but I don’t like it and I don’t like
waiting. I want to have sex tonight, you know, to be honest. I mean, I’m not going to because it’s not going
to give me what I want most. So I just, you know, I have to, I have to do it.
So that’s, that’s really the goal with, with my message is just
explaining to people like, Hey, this is how it plays out. You know, like
if you do it and if you don’t do it, this is more than likely how it
works out for you. So, you know, just letting people know. So
that’s why I feel like I’m, you know, equipped to talk about
this, this topic. But you know, there was definitely a time in my
life where I thought to myself like, why would anyone want to, why would
anyone try not to have sex like that? You know, like, that doesn’t
even compute to me. And, the reason being is, you
know, first off, you know, there’s so many benefits
to waiting. The very one, one of the things I talk about is how
sex is a connection mechanism. You know, like you literally will
stick to people, you know, oxytocin is a real hormone
that gets released during sex. It’s not released at the
same time for men and women, but it does cause you to
stay in relationships with
the wrong people longer. And a lot of people stay in, stay their
whole lives with the wrong person. So that’s a really, you know, that’s just how people end up divorced
or on unhappily married is because they didn’t pump the brakes and they have
sex and then you end up with the wrong person. So that’s a really, you know, just very practical decision to
wait. The other thing, and I, I love the verse and I, you know,
I do quote the Bible quite a bit. but there’s a verse in the book, the
new Testament, it talks about, you know, Jacob and Esau and it
talks about how, you know, people that are sexually immoral, they
compare them and say they’re godless, like Esau, who traded his
birthright for a bowl of stew. And I see a lot of people, you know, that haven’t learned to
manage that sexual appetite. They trade their birthright
or their purpose, you know, and their soulmate. The person that can help them get
to their purpose for a bowl of stew, which is basically a
piece of ass, you know, something that only satisfies them
temporarily. And then guess what? In a few hours, they’re hungry
again. You’re horny again. You need another bowl of
stew, but you trade it. Something that was permanent for
something temporary. So for me, like when I became abstinent, you
know what? I started waiting and got, you know, I put that on the alter.
God revealed my purpose to me. I got complete clarity. I’m
starting to walk it out. I’m in Romania right now touring around
and talking to students and adults and you know, people are buying
them up, sold like 400, 300-400 books since we’ve been here.
And you know, like I’m walking in, I’m stepping into my promise land. And that’s a really practical reason that
anyone should want to overcome sexual temptation. Because look these, those
are the things that I want most. I want that. I want my purpose.
I’m wanting to hear well done, my good and faithful servant. I want
my, I want a wife that I, you know, a best friend that I’m physically
attracted to that can help me, you know, accomplish my purpose. Those
are the things I want most. I’m not going to trade what I want
right now for what I want most. I used to do that, but I’m
not gonna do it anymore. And that’s why I challenge
people to think about like, you are trading what you want
most for what you want right now. That is the definition
of failure. Don’t do it. So that, you know, I, I want people to understand this is a
selfish decision, you know, to do this. It’s not like, Oh, I’m, I’m
trying to please God, you know, and I want to make God happy. No,
listen, you’re doing this for you. I don’t go to the gym and exercise
because I’m trying to make God happy. I’m trying to look good. I
want to feel a certain way. This is why you overcome
sexual temptation. It’s for you to help you have the best
strategy for finding love and the life that you’ve always wanted. So, one more verse that I wanted to
reference actually on during the talk was there’s a verse, there’s a verse in
the Bible that talks about sexual sin. It says, let, no, no,
it says, all other sins, a person commits outside the body, but a person that sins sexually
sins against their own body. And the reason that I believe that that
sexual sin is so unique that they put it in a class all of its own is because I
believe it is a connection mechanism like I just talked about where it literally
will cause you to stick to the wrong people. And you know, I
think, you know, there’s, there’s a studies that show that
people that have tent, the higher, higher number of sex partners
correlates to higher divorce rates. And I believe it’s because when you stick
to somebody and you pull away and you stick with someone and you pull
away and after a while, guess what, you’re just not so sticky anymore. And that’s why people get divorced at
a higher rate because they’re you know, their, their oxytocin levels
aren’t as high as they used to be. And they’ve already established
a pattern now of dating, sleeping with somebody and then breaking
up. And that just continues into, you know, their marriages. So there’s a lot of reasons
why you should want to be pure, why you should want to overcome sexual
temptation. And they are, again, very selfish reasons,
not just because, Oh, I feel guilty like I sin and God’s
unhappy with me. No, this is your life. And this is, you know how it
plays out in a very practical way. So let’s jump into it. So first off, know that this isn’t going to be
easy if you do this. You know, if you commit to this, it’s probably the
hardest thing you’ll ever do. You know, they say sexual energy is the
strongest of all human energies. And I often talk about sex transmutation
and how you can rechannel that energy into other things, but it is a very strong
energy and it’s, you know, when you, you’re used to feeding it
like I was, it’s harder. You know, a lot of people will say to me, Oh, it’s
easy for you because you had your fun. And I’m like, it doesn’t work like that.
Once you start feeding that animal, it gets stronger and then you get an
addiction to it. And it’s harder to stop. So if anyone’s out there is watching
and you’re a Virgin or you haven’t slept with many people, my
recommendation to you is, you know, don’t feed that animal because it just
becomes harder down the road and it wrecks people’s lives. However, if you
are already doing it, if you’re active, you know, sexually active and
you’ve been, you know, for a while, whatever it can be done, it’s
just difficult. And you know, the very first thing I want to say to you, it really how to overcome it and what’s
worked the most for me is you have to know why you’re doing it. I can
give you every reason in the world. I can make it make. So I can make it
so clear to you and make common sense. But if you don’t know why you’re doing it, then you probably won’t make
it because it is that hard. You have to know your why.
This is what worked for me. God was convicting me of
sex with my last girlfriend. This was in 2011 first thought,
enter my mind was fear. I thought, man, if you
don’t have sex with her, you’re going to have sex with other
girls. That’s going to be a lot worse. Might as well have continued having
sex with her. That’ll be better. And I believe it was the devil trying
to convince me not to listen to God because he knew God had a plan.
So I decided to listen to him. And you know, we, we cut it off after,
you know, two years of having sex. We stopped. And I was like, look, if,
if, if we become convinced we’re in love, let’s get married, but if
not, let’s, let’s, you know, let’s stop wasting each other’s time. So we stopped and we got clarity
and once I stopped, you know, once I got that clarity, we split
up. And you know, up until then, I wasn’t sure if I was
in love, but you know, once I put that on the alter with God, he revealed my purpose to me. You know,
and, and showed me all these things. I ended up starting a business and then
I started a nonprofit and then I wrote a book and then I made a video and you
know, I’ve got all this stuff going on. I’m making, I’m promoting concerts
again, which I love to do and I’m just, you know, starting to
walk in my purpose. But, I didn’t have that kind
of clarity, you know, before when I was sexually active
and I believe that, you know, like I like I often
compare, you know, all this, this journey with God to, you know, what
he took the Israelites through and how, you know, they were living, they were
in Egypt, they were slaves, right? They were, they had their three square meals and
they had a roof over their head and you know, they, but they were slaves. They
weren’t happy. And then God says, Hey, look, I’m going to take you to
this better place. Let’s, let’s go. Let’s go out into the
wilderness, follow me. Whatever. They stepped out in the wilderness.
They were like, man, they were, it was unfamiliar territory.
They didn’t like it. They wanted to go back to Egypt. I’m like, that’s what it’s like when you’re living
and you’re holding onto to some sin, especially sexual sin.
God’s like saying, Hey look, I’m trying to take you
to this better place, but you have to go through
this process to get there. And, and that process you’re going to have
to do without some things that maybe you had an Egypt sex is
going to be one of them. But at the end when you get to your
promised land and you’re there living in, do living in your purpose, doing
what you were created to do, sorry about that with the person
that you were, that was made for you, then you’re going to be a lot happier
that you, you took the journey. So I always encourage people to do that, but know that it’s not going
to be easy. So, you know, embrace that. And then what I would say is one thing
that I suggest to people is, you know, there’s a verse that says,
submit yourselves to God. Resist the devil and
he will flee from you. I think a lot of people try to resist
the devil before they submit themselves. Submit to God, you know,
there’s an order to do this. So the very first thing you have to do
is you have to submit, you have to say, okay God, I want to try this your way
and I need your help. And I, you know, I think prayer is a great way to submit
to God. I like to do it in the morning. You know, I, I get into my
routine, which I wake up early, I spend, you know, anywhere from 15 to 30 minutes talking
to them in the quiet before anybody gets out of bed. I visualize and then I, I read a little bit of the word and that
is my way to submit to God every day, you know, because if I don’t do that, then I’m just going to go out and try
to start my day and resist the devil. You know what I mean? All my own. Without getting centered and
connecting myself to him, then I’m probably not
going to be successful. So I would say get a
quiet time and really, take a moment to let him know like,
Hey, you know, this, think about what, this is what I want most. You know, these are the things that I believe that
you’re calling me to, you know, and, and help me to get there and help me not
to do anything that’s going to trip me up. You know, that’s just what
really what’s worked for me. So I kind of rolled over the know your
why and I want to talk a little bit more about that. And it was again, when me and my girlfriend broke up
and God revealed my purpose to me, how he did it was I started
meeting with the life coach. So I don’t know if anyone out there has
ever done that or you know what it is to me, I was super cynical
when that happened. It was my pastor’s wife and she had
started life coaching. I was like, I don’t know what a, what is a life coach? But I’ve met with her and she
asked me the right questions. And in talking to her, I
figured out what I wanted most. And that was really the fuel for me to
make the change is because when I really thought about these are, these are the
things that are gonna make me happy, I painted a very clear picture
on, on S through something, two words and something
called a vision statement. I’ll be happy to send it to
anybody too. It’s kinda personal, but I’ll share it that you can
use, just for your, you know, if you wanted to write one for yourself.
But it talks about like, you know, you wake up every morning motivated
for each day. You’re connected, you’ve engaged with your daily
practice of prayer and Bible. We didn’t feel connected with God, which prepares you for your
day full of possibilities. As you drive the bootcamp, you feel well rounded since you added
other forms of exercise to your gym routine, you’re in the best
shape of your life. You way, like it goes into this really detailed
things. It talks about as you, as you think about your
wedding, you are, you know, grateful that God brought the right woman
to you and you didn’t settle for just anyone. And when I walk in church, I see all these friends that are
there because you know of me. And how, gratifying it is. It’s just
this super like, you know, it painted a picture in my
mind that was like, yes, that is when I will be happy, you know, and I was willing to put
sex and everything else
honestly on the alternate say I’ll do anything to get to
that place. So first off, what I would challenge anyone out there
to do is if you’re trying to overcome sexual temptation, the very first thing
you have to do is you have to know why, why are you doing it, you know, and put it down on paper and then
read it to yourself every day. That’s what I did. Actually.
What I do now is I recorded it. I put it in my voice memos and I read
it, I read it, read it in my phone. And now when I work out, I listened
to it. So I listened to my, my vision statement, which is about
eight and a half minutes long, and I listened to my affirmations, which are about six and a half minutes
long as I’m working out because this way I can kill two birds with one stone. So
you have to, you know everything else. You have to know why you’re doing
it. If you don’t have a strong why, you know that the word says people,
people perish with a without vision. So you have to have a vision. You have
to know what you want most in life, and then you, you, you know that will, that will push you through
the pain because it’s going
to be painful. Trust me, you’re going to be home lonely.
You’re going to be depressed. Sometimes you’re going to be horny,
your friends are going to be going out, going to the bars, they’re going
to be getting in relationships. You’re going to see pictures of, look, you know you’re friends with kids and
you’ll be like, what the hell? God, I’ve been waiting all this time and it
hasn’t happened yet. Like, you know, and you’re going to get discouraged
and you’re going to, you know, then you might start dating somebody
and be tempted to have sex because everybody else is doing it. And you have to know crystal clear why
you’re doing this and then you need to submit yourself to God. And
that order is what I believe. So the next thing that I would do
is I would tell someone, you know, I would find somebody that
has done it preferably, you know, or at least somebody that supports you
in your decision to do it and tell them that you’re doing it and be honest
with them about everything, you know. So if you are, you know, struggling with lust or you know, pornography or whatever, you
know, confess it, the word says, you know, confess your sins one to
another that you might be healed. So I would say find yourself
an accountability partner
and tell them, Hey, look, I, you know, I honestly posted it on social
media because for me it was really, it was really good accountability. So,
you know, and honestly, the reason, the main reason I did that, and I’ll just share with you is I was
abstinent for six years and I was leading a Bible study. I started
promoting, nightclubs again. I was trying actually trying to
make a difference from the inside. I had a Bible study
that met in a nightclub. I was the promoter of it and it
was really edgy. And, I messed up. I slept with a girl and then I
try, I knew how bad it looks, so I tried to keep it quiet and people
found out. And when it came out, they judge me very harshly. So
when I read dedicated and I, I was abstinent for, I was very
outspoken about it. I put, you know, about my abstinence because I knew that
it worked. And I, I was, I was like, you know, I was preaching it. I was talking about it and say
this is the way to go, you know, like as I was attempting to do it and, after I think it was three
years, three years of abstinence, I messed up and I, I was so, I didn’t want to hide it because
I knew when it, if it came out, how bad it looked. So I just
posted it on social media. I didn’t tell who the girl was, but I
told them myself because I’m like, I just, I, I’m not, I’m not saying, you
know, trying to be anything, trying to pretend them
to anything that I’m not, I’m out here struggling like everybody
else with it. And I messed up. And, uh, I did that twice actually. Cause I had messed up twice over the last
eight years and I just told on myself. But I would say you don’t have
to post it on social media, but you definitely want to tell
people that you’re doing it. I believe the more you talk about it, the better you’re able to do it because
you don’t want to feel like a hypocrite. You don’t wanna, you know, you don’t want
to be the guy that says, Oh, you know, Oh, exercise is great for you. And then you’re sitting around eating
Twinkies cause then you’re going to feel some kind of way. So for me, like the, probably the thing that’s kept me out
of trouble the most is the fact that I talked about it so much.
So I would say, you know, definitely tell someone if you
can tell a lot of people about it, the other thing I would do is definitely
you’re going to have to watch, what’s you’re looking at, what’s you’re
you know, taking in through your, your eyes, your eye Gates,
what’s your thinking about? You really have to guard that
stuff because you can’t, you know, be looking at things and you know, entertaining thoughts in your head and
not expect, that animal gets stronger. And then at the come back on you, I
love the, the saying where it says, you know, a thought leads to an
action and action leads to a habit. Habit leads to a character and
a character leads to a destiny. So definitely want to be careful
about what you’re looking at. You know, like it’s hard
for a man, you know, because we are so stimulated visually,
you know, that it’s, it’s difficult, but if you can train yourself in that
area, it definitely leads to other things. And it leads to, you know, discipline
in other areas. I think about the verse, it says, you know, take every thought captive
to the obedience of Christ
where you literally have, you know, especially if you come
from a past where you were, you know, while on out like I was, you know, it’s
so easy to go down those patterns again. You have those, those grooves in your brain and it’s just
so easy to fall back into or remember something that you did and
it’s, it’s challenging. You have to renew your mind. You
know, the word says re, you know, Romans 12 two says, be transformed
by the renewing of your mind. And it’s a process.
Sanctification takes time. So if you’re just starting out on this
journey, don’t get discouraged. You know, for me it was, I went from being a sex
addict to not, you know, to struggling to stop having sex, to eventually stopping then struggling
with pornography. You know, and, and then still struggling
with masturbation. And I’ll
be honest, I’ve looked, I looked at porn, three times in the last, probably it was maybe a
month and a half or so. So last time I looked at it, I signed a covenant with God cause it
was the third time and I felt like I was, it was starting, the devil was
getting a foothold in that area. So I signed a covenant with God. And I’ll talk a little bit more
about that at the end. But, you know, even for me, like I make
these videos and, and I, it’s, I’m, I’m, I haven’t completely conquered it, you
know, like it’s still a challenge. And, I’m hoping that one day, it
won’t be, you know, and then, and obviously I’m hoping that one
day I’ll get married, you know, the word says it’s better, better for
a man to marry than burn with lust. And you know, if you have
a strong desire for sex, then probably means you should be
looking at marriage as an option that you know, sing that the single
life isn’t cut out for you. and I and I definitely have
that, that desire. So let’s talk about the covenant. So basically
I, and I will share this art, this, the link to the covenant
and the description of this
video. But basically it’s, it’s a, it was just taken out of
the book job and where job says, I made a covenant with my eyes
not to look lustfully at a woman. And you know, in basically what
you do is you write it out, you write a covenant, which is
basically a promise to God and you ask, you’re telling God for a
certain period of time. I’m making a covenant covenant with
you not to look lustfully at a woman. And that by that I mean I’m
not intentionally going to
look at a woman lustfully ho you know, or I’m not
gonna intentionally hold a
thought in my mind, you know, and masturbate. And I’m not going to
look at porn for this period of time. So I signed the covenant through the
end of November at the end of next month because I wanted to, um, I wanted
to get that area back under control. And I also wanted to get a jump
on the no sex November challenge, which we’ll talk about in a second. And I asked God to help me keep the
covenant to keep the promise to him. So you’ve, you know that I’m challenged
in this area and I need your strength, your grace, your power to keep
this, this promise to you. And if I do keep this promise to you, I want you to bless me greatly and
open doors that no man can shut. And you know, when I pray
for great blessings, like I, I’m very clear on what I’m
attempting to do with my life. You know the message that I’m
spreading, the wife that I want, I want to open home the impact that I
wanna have on the world. All these things. These are the things I want most. So
when I say, God, I want you to bless me. I’m thinking about those things and I’ll
know that I know that they’re far too big for me to accomplish on
my own. So I’m like, God, if I keep this promise to you with your
help, I’m asking for your help to do it. I want you to bless me in these areas
and help me do all these things that I can’t do. But if I don’t
keep this promise to you, God, I’m asking you to fight against
me with the sword of your mouth. You actually asked Jesus to do that, which sounds terrifying and you’re
inviting him to punish you severely if you break this promise. So if you
have a problem with sexual sin, that is a great technique
because I’ve done it. And what it does is there’s times where
you know you get tempted and you what you might feel horny. You know,
maybe when you get depressed, your GoTo is masturbation. It used to
be for me, you know, where I would get, you know, I, I got off of
alcohol and drugs for, you know, back in 2011 but when I was depressed, I used masturbation as a drug because
that was my form of escape sometimes. So when I signed that covenant, that wasn’t an option anymore
cause I was too scared. I was like, I just asked God to punish
me if I’d all keep this. So there was nights where I just went
to bed depressed and, but you know what, when I woke up in the
morning, I felt good. I felt completely different than I did. I felt strong and eventually
I got stronger in those
areas to the point where I just didn’t have me like that anymore.
So if that’s a temptation for you, a covenant is a great way
to to break a stronghold. So that is basically it. I’m trying to keep these to about 30
minutes and I just wanted to mention a couple of things here at the end. If
you haven’t subscribed to my videos yet, please take a moment to do that. You know, especially if this is a topic of
interest to you, the wait you know, finding love, overcoming sexual sin. I don’t make a lot of videos about
it cause that’s kind of my niche. but dry, hit the subscribe
button, drop me a comment, let me know what you do
to overcome sexually. We’ll set or just let me know
if this made sense to you. If you got anything out of this, I’d love to know that it
helped you in some way. We had the no sex November challenge
coming up starting November 1st. We did it last year. It’s just an amazing opportunity for
you to learn how you can harness that sexual energy and you can get clearer
about what your purpose is and you can move the needle forward significantly in, in those areas just by not having sex, not looking at porn, not
masturbating for a month. Now for some people that may be very
easy and maybe you want to put, you know, you want to fast something
else, something else. That’s a little bit more of a
struggle for you. Maybe, I don’t know, in regards to, you know, that
temptation, sexual temptation that is, but for some people, the thought
of not, you know, releasing, not having sex, not orgasming, for a month is a radical idea. So
we’re challenging people to do it. you know, to take the challenge with
us. I said misery loves company, so we’re going to be in it together.
We’ll be, you know, communicating, with each other, sharing our
challenges and our, our wins. And I promise you that in a month time
you’ll be better off than you were at the beginning of November. You’ll be better
off at the, at the end and then never, but just by doing it. So, if you, if you actually are in for the challenge, leave me a comment that
says challenge accepted. I’ll go back through these videos and
I’ll give you some more information. Maybe we’ll, we’ll create a Facebook group specifically
for the people that are doing the challenge. You can also go to the why
waiting works community on Facebook. It’s, over 1500 people right now. And it’s
people that are waiting, you know, and they, they communicate, they,
you know, share articles and, and stories with each other. And if they are somebody who’s going
through a heartbreak, they share that too. I just actually read about some posts
where some girl’s boyfriend cheated on her and she was, you know, looking
for, you know, advice or whatever. But you could check that out. Why
waiting works community on Facebook. Thank you, Nitando now challenge
accepted. Awesome. Also, I have a book, it’s called
why waiting works if you, if you’re wondering why, why would anyone wait or you’re looking
for some encouragement, maybe you, you haven’t been able to find love and
you’re not sure why this gives you a really good strategy for finding love
and it really just breaks it down a, the practical ways that people can
understand why this is the way to go. And this is [inaudible] it’s coming
from someone that did everything wrong, you know, so I really, again,
have a good understanding of it. You can go to why waiting works.com. I
actually a study guide that goes with it. So if you want to do a small group
study, get some friends together, talk about the book. You actually do a social event and a
service event during your eight weeks. And it really helps you fill out form a
community of people that can support you as you make this journey.
Because trust me, it, it’s hard to do alone and say it’s
actually damn near impossible to do alone. I would say it’s probably impossible
to do alone because when you don’t have community, you get lonely.
And when you get lonely, you get depressed and then you get
desperate and then you choose somebody, a desperation that’s less than
really what you were looking for. And it’s not fun. You’re sitting around every weekend by
yourself with nothing to do. So for us, you know, for me, I put the study guide together because
I wanted people not just to be convinced that waiting was the right way, but I wanted them to have a
community of people that deal with, because I didn’t think they
could make it if they didn’t. So it’s called the truth about sex.
It’s also on why waiting works.com. I also started a nonprofit called cityfam. And while it’s not technically the
apps in that group, it really is, there’s a lot of people that are, are
becoming the best version of themselves. A lot of them are waiting, they may
have gotten sober or maybe they’re just, you know, whatever. They are just becoming better versions
of themselves and you see ’em and we’ve just found a way to make it fun, you know, to make it fun and fun for people to
find the support that they need as they make the journey. So you can check
out cityfam dot com if you want to, if you want to know more about
that. And then last but not least, I’m speaking with Stephan Labossiere
I think I pronounced his name right, finally at three of his
events this coming weekend. So if you’re watching this
live, I’m going to be, I’m going to be in Pittsburgh on
the 25th. That’s Friday night. I’m going to be in Philly on Saturday
night and I’m going to be in DC on Sunday. So if you’re in those areas, I would
love for you to come out to the event. If you just want to come,
you know, maybe meet with me. I’m actually gonna do meetups before the
event and each city because I want to talk to people that are on this
journey and I want to, you know, discuss possibilities. I want to share
what cityfam is with them. And you know, if it’s something that they’re,
they feel a burning desire to do, we want to help them do it because
really it does definitely, you know, going through the wilderness, which is basically what I compare the
wait to is you’re going from, you know, a place of slavery, possibly Egypt, you’re going to a promised land and
you need people because if you ever, you know, I think I mentioned something
in a video before about wagon trains. You know, when people were making that journey
across the country hundreds of years ago, they didn’t try to do it alone. We
know because it wasn’t fun and not, not dimension. It was dangerous. You know, you get attacked by Indians
or rattlesnakes or whatever.
Like when you went, when you went together, your chances of of making it increased
drastically and it’s a lot more fun. So that for me is what cityfam
has been. It’s given me a, a group of people to go through this
process with and the support that I’ve needed along the way. So,
you know, that’s, I’d love
to tell you more. It again, if you’re in any of
those cities, reach out. If you’re not in those cities and you
just want to know more about cityfam, go to cityfam.com. There’s actually a button there called
start a chapter and there’s another one. Let me know LMK when you come to my
city and it’s a movement and you know, we believe that that, we’re going
to reach a lot of people with it. So I’d love to tell you
more about that. But anyway, let’s take a look at the
questions real quick. See if there’s anything
in here to talk about. Video is running a little bit
longer than I had planned, but I’m apologize for that. Okay.
Hello Rob. God-fearing woman. I love Jesus. How you doing? Tuned in
from South Africa? Refusing sex is tough. It’s a real challenge. No doubt.
It is the hardest thing to do. I believe it’s maybe, you know,
the hardest temptation to overcome, the hardest sin to conquer. Actually they say person that
can control their tongue is that, that’s the last thing, that that is the hardest is so maybe
what you say is actually harder. Controlling what you say is
harder than sexual sin, but, uh, I don’t know about that
one. All right. Hi. Hi. Rob already saw your
conference at bar Baku Romania, you are Jean geneal. I think.
Keep going to save souls. Awesome. Thank you. I was pretty
cool. She tuned in that quickly. Okay. Do you feel you get tempted just as
often now as many years ago when you were stripping? I’m just curious know, ah,
well first off when I was stripping, it wasn’t temptation because
I didn’t even know better. So I was just doing it
and even when I stopped having sex, you know, back
in 2011, you know, what is, when I pre committed re
dedicated myself. No. Like it was much harder back then because
I was, I was so used to having it, you know, like, imagine
when you’re, you know, if you’re obese and you’re eating pizza
and donuts everyday and then you decide that you’re going to start eating broccoli
and chicken and Brown rice, you know, like your body is like, at first it’s
not happy, you know, so it’s, it’s Def, like literally the lustful thoughts would
come at me and it was like obsessive compulsive almost where I would get a
thought and I would try to dismiss it and then it would come back and I would
dismiss it and I would come back and then come back, come back. Right. And to
the point where I just had to, like, I had to release, I had to, you
know, look at some or whatever. And that’s the way it felt. And over
time I got a handle on it now. Like, you know, if I, you know, I might get that temptation like
once a month, you know, maybe. And I think I’ve won as
long as three or six months, you know, without any, like
any kind of, masturbation or, or pornography. But, you know, for me, I think now it’s less about, it’s
less about that. It’s less about the, the physical, like design,
like the horniness I guess
for lack of a better term. And so for me, it’s, it’s almost
like sometimes I get frustrated. I just get frustrated. I’m depressed, I get depressed and I get
a little probably resentful
or angry at God and that’s why, you know, I’ll do it. It’s not
so much about horny as much as it is, I think frustration and depression,
which isn’t right. Every time I do it, I feel like I poisoned myself the next
day. Like I literally will feel down, I’ll feel distant from people. Like I’ll, I’ll feel depressed and it’s just
not worth it. It isn’t, you know, and I get reminded of it every
single time, which is again, why I liked the covenant,
because for me, I, I fear, I fear the punishment and it’s the gas
and the break. I want the blessing, but I fear the punishment. So for me
it works really well. The problem is, is when the covenant
runs out, you know, you, before you sign the next one, you’ll there the temptation
to mess up again is there. So that’s been my issue is it’s in
between the covenants. So anyway, I dunno if that makes sense. All
right, let’s, let’s keep rolling. Let’s see. Okay. I’m okay with everything,
but the promise paper vision. Okay. Sorry. Going back a little bit.
Have accountability partners [inaudible] okay, sorry. There’s more, there’s more chaotic comments here
then are watching from Germany. Oh wow. That’s awesome. How are you doing Diana?
Country cat. Exactly. I just know, I’ve been abstaining since 2008 no sex, no sex mistakes since 2013
God is convicted me about
next husband since 2014 I’m having to work stream boundaries
now. It’s getting difficult. Boundaries are the most
important thing. Actually. I wanted to talk about that and
I forgot boundaries. You know, like I’ve said before, good
intentions don’t mean Jack shit. Like it’s only what you’re able to do,
right? So boundaries are very important. You know, for me, I, I didn’t spend time alone with women for, I dunno how long it was. It was
at least three or four years. Like I wouldn’t be in a room alone with
a girl. Even if I drove with a girl, I felt a little uncomfortable
because I was like, I just, it was such a far boundary that I
had to set up because of my past, because when I made that mistake
after three years, I was like, I, it was so unintentional. It
didn’t, I didn’t mean to do it. I was completely committed to waiting
and it happened. And I was like, I realize that, you know, your flesh is weak and you could have
great intentions and they’ll go right out the window. So, that, you
know, that’s why I got sober,, in 2011 was to get a handle
on, on that because I couldn’t, I couldn’t be abstinent and I stopped
spending time with time alone with women. I still don’t spend time alone with them.
But honestly, now that I’m traveling, there has been some times where
I’ve had to share, an Airbnb, like, you know, it was a place that
even, even while I’m in Romania, we’ve been put up in host houses
and sometimes there’s, you know, you got a two bedroom house or actually
it was like a six bedroom house we stayed in, but I’ve had to break
that boundary a little bit. Not that there’s anything
wrong with it, you know, I’m at a different place
than I was in, you know, when I started off eight years ago. But I had to hold those boundaries for
a long time in order to gain strength and, you know, so that ma my
boundaries still are, you know, I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t, I
wouldn’t show with a girl. I wouldn’t have a girl over my house
and watch television. I wouldn’t, you know, go out drinking
with a girl alone. I wouldn’t, you know, people ask if it’s
okay to cuddle and, you know, spend the night and I play. That’s how I got burned in 2006
when I was six years absent. Or I’ve just thought I could do certain
things and I was good because I’d been abstinent for six years and
I just, I pushed, you know, the envelope too far and, and you know, play with fire and end up getting burned
really bad. So I, I tell people like, you know, boundaries are
very, very important. You have to be very honest with yourself, what you’re able to do and not do when
it comes to them. Because I, we all, we all like to lie to ourselves and
pretend we’re able to do more because it’s fun. You know, it’s, it’s easy.
Boundaries are exhausting. They’re very hard to keep up,
you know? but you have to, again, you know, you have to know
why you’re doing it and, and, and know that it won’t always
be like this, you know, like you’re not always going to be
sitting around by yourself. You know, this is a season that you’re going
through and you just have to, you have to be willing to go through it
and you have to make the sacrifice to get to where you want to
go. Alright. I’m sorry, I just went down a little
bit of a tangent, but, all right, let’s see. Okay. Malachi 2:16. God says, I hate the
violence, this membrane of the, of the one flesh of marriage.
Yeah. I, you know, I, I think that that may be the, I hate
divorce. God hates divorce verse, and I mentioned that actually at the talk
I did tonight. And I tell people like, if you’re married and you got kids,
you know, you got to make it work. You know what I mean? Like you stay in
it. God, the God says he hates divorce. And at that point it’s kind of too
late, which is why I stress to people. Now you have to wait because
there’s a really, really, really high chance that you
choose the right person. You choose the wrong person if you
don’t wait. And then once you’re in it, you’re in it. You know, like if you’re
married and if you got kids especially, you’ve got to make it work. It’s just
kinda too late for you and it sucks, which is why you gotta do
the work on the front end. There was a woman that came up to
me, we were in Kesha Nall Moldova,, about a week ago and she was
about 35 years old. And she, she was married and she had a little
like eight year old kid with her son. And she came up and she bought my
book and I looked at it, I said, why are you buying my book?
You’re married? And she said, I’m not in love with my husband and we
don’t have sex. And I said, did you wait? And she said, no. And I
was like, talk to myself. That’s the consequence right there. You marry the wrong person and now you’re
not happy and you’re not even having sex anymore. Like that’s what
really happens to people. So there’s tremendous
motivation and overcoming this, this sin. all right. I’ve been submitting to
God and that works okay. You have to get sick and
tired of spreading yourself
around not getting anything but temporary prep pleasure and longterm
guilt. Thank you William. Sheila. Absolutely. You know,
that’s one thing that I, I mentioned also is like when I
really got clear about my purpose, you know, I made a very conscious
decision that, you know, this, that I wasn’t going to trade what I
wanted most for what I wanted right now anymore, you know, and that, because
I had done that my whole life, I always took the easy way, you know, stripping and nightclub
promoting and you know, for me, like I didn’t realize what I was doing, but once I got clear about
what I want at most, I’m like, I’m not going to trade those things
anymore. This is what I want. This is what’s gonna make me
happy longterm and I can’t, I am not going to give up. Give
this up for what I want right now. Thank you so much for your,
thank you so much, Rob, for your truth and
transparency. Absolutely. All I have is my story. I
don’t have a vision statement. God just convicted me about my
future. Hot husband Daley. Nice. Wow. Okay. Have accountability partners.
Yes. Especially with social media, having everything in your face. It can be hard to avoid seeing things
you shouldn’t. Yes, absolutely. A lot of temptation out there. You’ve
got to guard it. Just delete people. You know, if somebody’s
posting provocative pictures,
just get rid of them, you know. All right. Countability
partner vision statement, written promise paper and a covenant. Yes. And I need to post that article about
the covenant, which I will post it. I’ll post it as the, as a, as a
comment and I’ll pin it to the top. What I love about you, Rob, you’re
very honest. Thank you. You know, I, I didn’t personally,
it’s for me it’s selfish. I don’t ever want to be
called out on anything, so I just gonna I just figure if I put
it all out there and nobody can ever call me on, call me on anything. They can’t catch me in anything cause
I’ll just tell him, tell him myself. Alright, keep, I keep myself
busy to keep my mind off of it. Idle hands are the devil’s workshop,
Diana, so that’s a good strategy. I’m ready for the no sex,
no sex challenge. Awesome.
William Sheila. Awesome. Is it Elaine or Ellen? It’s Elaine,
right? I’m sorry. I should know. I, I always get confused because I think
it’s Ellen. Elaine on Facebook. Okay. Thank you Rob challenge, except
that it’s a fantastic community. Thanks country cat challenge accepted.
Good job. Diana. Karen Harris. Thank you. I love your videos and messages. Thank
you. Karen. Let me know where you, where you all are from too. I’d love to connect you with others
in your area and if there are people messaging me from it, it’s good to have
community as you make this journey. All right, pro ball. What’s your
book when you were a guest speakers? Stephan speaks truth about
love tour in Baltimore. Great book and you signed it for me.
Awesome. Diana. Thank you. That’s awesome. Thank you. I that was, I think that was like one of
the first speeches I ever gave. I was really nervous actually and then I
was wearing a tee shirt and he was in a suit, but a this, this time, this
event will be very different. I’ve had a lot of practice
since then, so I really, I know which parts of my story to share
and what really gets the point across. Hey Terry, what’s up? I’ll see
you in Philly. That’s awesome. See you Saturday night. You and
Stephan should tour Europe. Yeah, that’d be great. Stefan is a big fish.
You know, I’m a little, little Guppy. I’m just grateful that I’m getting to
speak before I’m, I’m like the appetizer. He’s the main course I need to
connect with cityfam and Phoenix. Yes, absolutely. Cat messaged me on Facebook and I’ll
connect you with I don’t know who, we don’t really have anybody had up. We have several people that are out
there that we’re part of the group but we don’t, you know, we had a girl named
Lisa and she kinda dropped off. But if you are if you are wanting to to
connect with some people that we’d be happy. John Hart is that John Hart? My stepfather from Baltimore. All right. How can you stop porn addiction from
using on your smart phone if no foot, how can you stop porn addiction
from using on your smartphone? If no flip phones, I don’t understand
that. Don’t have non internet. Oh Hey, what’s up from Romania?
[inaudible] you were here? Yeah. Well it’s just a couple of days, a
couple of days ago. How’s it going? Initiate reset nor more. First decided ahead of time
before you walk out the door. What you will or won’t do with this
person trying to resist in the heat of the moment. It is impossible. I love that
strategy, Norma. You’re absolutely right. I actually talk about, you know, in the book where you got to decide
where your boundaries are and advance. Because if you’re trying to decide where
your boundaries are when you’re already horizontal, trust me, that’s
a bad idea. So put them down. We actually were going to do
something called how aiding works, which is a course that we did, I
guess it was a couple months ago. And one of the things, one of the weeks
is you write your boundaries. You know, like these are, these are the boundaries
that I’m going to keep. And you know, most people don’t think
about those things before, which is why only 3% of the
population in America waits 97%. Don’t wait. You know, I’m sure there’s
a lot, a lot higher percentage, a lot higher than three. We’re trying
to wait. I mean, I know plenty of, plenty of friends, plenty of
girlfriends, mostly that were like, I’m going to do this, I’m
going to wait until marriage. And then they started dating somebody
and next thing you know, they’re, they’re having sex. And then there’s, some of them are shacked
up and then you know, years go by and they’re still not
married. And I’m like, you know, maybe it’s the right person. Maybe
they’re stuck with the wrong person. But in either case, that guy’s not that
motivated to get married. Now you know, because he’s already getting
the sex. It’s just a mess. So like you have to decide what your,
your boundaries are in advance. I think. I think Norma hit the nail on
the head with that one. Okay. This slide feels so cozy with so little
pupil. Yep. Just 20 people on right now. Unless if it’s sexual immorality,
it says that in Matthew. I don’t know what she was that was
in response to. Okay. All right. Awesome guys. Appreciate you all tuning in and hit the
subscribe button and drop me a comment if there’s anything that
I missed that you do, if you just want to take the
challenge, check, you know, dropped in the no sex November
challenge, put challenge accepted. And if you want to connect with
anybody that may be in your area, you can leave a comment, you know,
mentioned something about cityfam. Tell me where you reside. And if there’s
anyone in your area that I know of, I will connect you, but that’s
it. Talk to y’all next Sunday. See you [inaudible].

Michael Martin

4 Responses

  1. Who you should make a covenant with your eyes: http://www.charismamag.com/life/family-parenting/18316-a-covenant-with-my-eyes
    Why Waiting Works Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/301870536988705/?ref=share

  2. Hi Rob, I’m only 7 minutes through this video but I have to stop and tell you what a hero you are to me! You are the first one to ever be able to explain to me in a way that I can understand why to wait & just how Truly important and valuable waiting is!!! I read your book about 6 months ago and it changed my life! I continue to watch your videos every now and again to reinforce this waiting philosophy in me. Thank you so much for all your hard work -It really is changing lives for the better! Bless you & now back to my video! ❤️

  3. Hi Rob, I am so proud of you. I will keep you in my prayers. I KNOW that God will enable you overcome every temptation. God bless you, you are an inspiration. Sending you lots of love…All the way from Nigeria.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Post comment