Hal Douglas: Women have always shared
a seemingly impossible dream: to meet a man who truly listened to them, who really understood what they were thinking. Let me get you a cab, sir. But no man could ever really hear them until now. Thank you, Flo. You’re welcome, my little sweet buns. What did you say? Me? Nothing. I could hear what women think. Whoa, lighten up with that aftershave, buddy. I’m talking personal, private stuff. The stuff that nobody on Earth is
supposed to hear, I hear that stuff. Oh, dear God. Hello? I’m Darcy. Why do I feel like he’s checking me out? This guy’s kind of exciting. I don’t know how this happened to you or why, but you may just be the luckiest man on Earth. You know what women want. The world can be yours. You go, girl. I’m gonna be the one guy on Earth
who knows what they want, how they think and why they do those cuckoo things they do. Paramount Pictures and Icon Productions present the story of a man’s man who’s getting in touch with his feminine side. Dad, what are you doing? Exfoliating. ♪ I’m a bitch, I’m a lover ♪ I can’t believe this is what I’ll be wearing
the last night I’m a virgin. They just wanna be listened to.
Why is it so hard? You’re starting to sound like a nag. Oh, that’s man talk for “you don’t wanna listen”. Fine. Be that way. I’m free. Just call me anytime. I’m flirting. What’s wrong with me? Oh, God, I just looked at his crotch. Oh, I hope he didn’t see me. Oh, I just looked at it again. Stop it. A Nancy Meyers film. Agent located. Identity confirmed. Good morning, Mr. Hunt. Sorry I barged in on your vacation. Well, Mr. Hunt, I don’t quite know where to begin. You know me? No. Should I? She’s got no training for this kind of thing. But to go to bed with a man and lie to him? She’s a woman.
She’s got all the training she needs. Welcome to Australia, mate. This ain’t funny. The mother of all nightmares is on the loose. I don’t think I can do it. You mean it’ll be difficult. Very. Well, this is not mission difficult, Mr. Hunt,
it’s mission impossible. Difficult should be a walk in the park for you. You gotta be kidding. This message will destruct in five seconds. Remember me? Read my mind. Who delivers ten times out of ten? Who’s the cat that won’t cop out? I might take you down, but I’ll never let you down. Now, what’s my name? Shaft! You’re damn right. You are gone from this precinct. For what? That? What is wrong with you? I’m out. I’m done. I’ll get him my own way. Al Chalk:
In a system where money can buy you freedom, What about the waitress? The waitress? She saw it, huh? So what’d you do, threaten her? The next day, I just thought of running. I’ve been running ever since. in a city where fear can buy you power, I need someone located. That’s gonna cost you. only one man will stand up for justice. You ain’t even a pig no more. You think that makes me less dangerous? Or more dangerous? You’re too hot, man.
You gotta step off a bit. Got milk? Yeah, I got milk. John Shaft. Right on. His ass is mine. You know, if something happens to her,
I’m gonna come after you myself. You won’t have to. Something happens to her, it happens to me. Go! Any questions? Can you dig it? (“This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody)”
by Talking Heads playing) That’s a really big book you’re writing. Is all of that single space? You’re not one of those writers that has a success
freezes up and never has another one? Does this sound like anyone we know? Nobody teaches a writer anything. You tell them what you know. You tell them to find their voice and stay with it. So, how’s the book? Don’t touch it. Isn’t that a nice greenhouse? It’s Mrs. Gaskell’s, it’s her hobby. I thought you were Mrs. Gaskell’s hobby. Hello, everyone. Don’t you look ravishing. I’m pregnant. I guess we just divorce our spouses,
marry each other and have this baby, right? Hello? Where exactly are we going? To see my wife. The one that left you? You shot Dr. Gaskell’s dog. I had to, didn’t I? You could’ve pulled him off me. I wish you hadn’t shot my girlfriend’s dog. Even though Poe and I were not exactly
what you call simpatico, that’s no reason he should’ve taken two in the chest. Come on, teach.
I want you to dance with me. Oh, Hannah, I’m really flattered, honey,
but this isn’t the right time. I’m sorry. Interrupting a teacher-student conference? I wonder if this is what the university has in mind
when it promises a liberal education. He’s a good kid.
He’s just a little messed up. I’m sure he’ll be fine with the proper guidance. You’re not like my other teachers, Professor Tripp. You’re not like my other students, James. I love you, Grady. That is a big trunk. It holds a tuba, a suitcase, a dead dog
and a garbage bag almost perfectly. That’s just what they used to say in the ads. One of our students is missing and
his parents found a dead dog in his bed. Brian Cummings: And now, we’re pleased
to bring you our feature presentation.