My Divorce | What Really Happened | Storytime


hey guys welcome back I’m so excited today because I’m finally going to start daily vlogging again which is something that I kind of got into and then I completely stopped and I really never said why I stopped and that is exactly what I’m going to do today I’m going to cover a lot of things as I daily vlog some of which are deeply personal and then some of them are just gonna be you know product reviews or fun things that are happening but I think it’s important for me to start my daily vlogging adventure by kind of explaining why I stopped vlogging and then what happened before that and kind of what’s happening now just to kind of bring everybody up to speed so you sort of understand where I’m coming from and you get to know me a little bit better now that said none of this is said in an attempt to upset anyone or inflame any situation it has been 500 and I think almost 550 days since the incident that happened that basically changed the trajectory of my life and I finally feel just ready to talk about that and so here goes let’s get into it all right if you’ve watched my earlier vlog then you know that I was married before and I was married to a military officer and we had two beautiful children together and we had a rocky and complicated relationship pretty much right from the start um there are a lot of other videos that I’m going to shoot where I talk about certain different dynamics and again this is not the air his dirty laundry or mine or anybody else’s it’s because when I was going through these things that I will talk about I went to YouTube because I was ashamed to go to family and friends because it was a secret and a lie that I had lived for so long I just I didn’t know what to do and I tried to find strength in people that were on YouTube and quite frankly there weren’t that many so when I talk about it it’s not a woe is me it’s a let me try to give you some of the tools that I used to get to where I am from where I was so all of that to say what happened on this particular evening which happened to be the 8th of May you know a year and something ago now my then husband and I were I believe it was yes it was a Friday night and we were sitting outside and I was training for a show that I wanted to compete in so I was not drinking anything and he was and buying which was a constant problem in our relationship and on this particular evening he had let’s just say that he imbibed a little too much and without going into the specifics because it isn’t really germane on that particular evening he he hit our son and there had been incidents prior to that and I think you just kind of learned to live with it as your new normal it was it wasn’t a heavily violent physically relationship but it happened enough that I was well aware that it could happen again at any time and it certainly was escalating and on this evening when he hit my then I believe my son was then three my ex-husband was not a small man you know two hundred and some pounds and my son was maybe thirty pounds at the time and there was really no no catalyzing event you know he asked the kids to do something and they said well mommy said that we could do and you know as I was coming around the corner he was restraining my daughter who was trying to get in between him and my son and then he hit my son in the face and let me tell you as a mother when you look down and see the handprint of your husband on your child’s face there are a lot of emotions that run through your body you know that Mama Bear instinct where you just you want to extinguish the threat that’s immediately what you think of but I was so I was so afraid of him that all I could do was console my son and as the night went on you know there were terrible things said by my ex-husband in front of my children because he knew I I said right then and there were over it’s done but I didn’t say much because he was very intoxicated and I wanted to I wanted to see the next day I was really afraid that he would sober and up enough to understand that um he had crossed the line too far and that it was a bridge that he could not unburn and this is a man who values his military career above pretty much all else and I was afraid that he would retaliate against us so that they would not be able to say anything and I would not be able to say anything huh and again I think someday down the road if it is relevant to talk about the details of that evening but it should suffice to say that it was one of the most terrifying nights of my life I don’t really think I even slept that night not much and certainly only after he had passed out and the next day he left and I kept a you know a calendar for myself and for well mostly just for myself at the time because I was so I just couldn’t believe what had just happened anyways I kind of just went numb for a few days I didn’t really know what to do he left and and then he you know I think there were some exchanges and I made it very clear that you know no we’re done you’re not welcome here anymore I told you the last time that there was a physical incident that that was gonna be if it happened again you know famous last words but I was actually serious this time it was this happened on a Friday I was a few days later maybe a Tuesday Wednesday um I went into school to pick the kids up they went to school on the military base and I was greeted by the school administrator who advised me that my children both of them at separate schools because of their age difference had both told their teachers what had happened you want to talk about feeling shame that word does not even begin to describe what I felt in that moment shame that it had happened and shame that I had not been the one to imported that my children who had been living in this very volatile situation and if you understand anything about domestic violence then you know that children will usually do everything in their power to protect their parents so it should tell you a whole lot to understand that these children went in of their own volition and said this is what my father did daycare workers and school administrators are compelled by law to report these kinds of things to Department of Children and Family Services so the woman at the school explained this is the situation and she said what are you going to do I need you to protect these children basically is what she was saying and I did not realize that they had already involved I mean she did say that they had reported it to the state but I didn’t understand how quickly these things can move and when I arrived home that afternoon there was a DCFS agent standing on my doorstep yeah so here I am kind of reeling from what has happened and then there’s this DCFS agent on your doorstep and and then it’s it’s just all very real right what can you do from there you just she comes in she asked him she take a statement for myself from the children she does and then she tells me that I have to get a I have to get a protective order against my husband and that is about the last thing that I wanted to do for a lot of reasons I was still very much in love with him I was in complete shock about what had happened um I was just kind of Numb I guess and I asked why do I have to get a restraining order and she said because at this time your husband I have to call him that right now because at the time that this was happening he was my husband she said because your husband has still has the right to go in and take these children from school and you know that they are being subjected to physical violence and if you do not protect them the state will and I said what does that mean and she said if you don’t get a protective order against your husband then we have the right to remove your children from you what so then you have to decide what’s more important and I know in retrospect that immediately I should have agreed to get the protective excuse me protective order um but again I was just sort of I just couldn’t really process what was happening I mean it wasn’t like this was an isolated incident there was abuse that went on of various kinds for almost a decade and I was not in my I was not in a place where I was making good judgment decisions otherwise I would have gone immediately and got in a protective order but I didn’t again I was still in love with him very afraid of him retaliating but I did not have a choice so she took my statement and she laughed and I went the next morning to the military installation to the base where he is stationed we did not live on the base and I remember parking my car in the fleet and Family Services parking lot and I must have walked back and forth back and forth to my car five times to the point that someone in the building actually came out and said are you okay and I kind of passed them off and I went and I sat in this area inside and I knew that I was getting ready to do something that could effectively destroy my husband’s career and cause him to act out in a way which could result in my children and I being alarmed but I was like that is the definition of being between a rock and a hard place because I didn’t really have a choice as a mother your first job is to protect your children and my responsibilities as wife had to take backseat to that I had nailed him out of so many situations and I just this time he had just he had gone too far I did walk into that office and I made a report because I asked for a military protective order because I was trying to have it handled on the base so that I would not destroy his career and I’ll do a vlog maybe tomorrow about the difference between a military protective order and a civilian protective order but for the purposes of today the reason why I did not go direct and try to get a protective order from accounting or parish where we live is I didn’t want to ruin his career it can be handled on the base usually there’s an investigation I thought there’ll be a cooling-off period I mean at this time I don’t even know what I thought I didn’t even know if we would get divorced or I was just again just kind of like what the hell just happened to my life I filed on that order excuse me the report and you know they asked was there abuse against the children was there abuse against me and you know I told as much as I thought needed to be said and then I asked them to you can ask to have you cannot ask to have the portion about child abuse restricted but you can ask to have the portion about abuse of your spouse so against me personally I did ask for that to be restricted and had I not done that he likely would not be in the military anymore I wasn’t going there to grind an axe about what he had done to me I was simply doing what I was told by DCFS and I was protecting my children so I gave them as little ammunition to go after them as possible but as much as I needed to secure what I was being asked to get so put yourself in my situation you know his parents you know they went off the deep end and they said these you know terrible things even though they knew for years that there was just a lot of bad bad stuff going on and they knew that it was not you know my husband and I had separated previously and then you know whatever but this was not their first time at the rodeo they knew all this stuff that was happening and then they turned on me and you know how could you do this I didn’t do anything your son violently okay hit a child his child and I did what any mother would do I protected my children and I can’t even say that in good faith because the truth of the matter is if the children had not said something which was their call for help their cry for help I don’t know honestly that I would have ever had the strength to stand up to him I have trouble with it now um but when you’re forced to protect your children you do and so that is what happened that is why I am divorced that is why I no longer live in New Orleans and so we have a very complicated structured way in which he’s now able to see the children and that he and I communicate in a very moderated way through a court program and again I’ll shoot little vlogs about all that as we go um but that is what happened so that was probably the saddest vlog that I will ever have to shoot hopefully I generally try to be a very very positive person and even if it’s a very negative situation I try to speak about it and not in a way that damages anyone what I’ll actually probably talk about is the I might talk about this it’s called a power and control wheel because I have to tell you the truth I did not even realize how much abuse was happening until I got into counseling after I left him and I saw this this was a real eye-opener for me and I think if you’ve never seen it that you should be exposed to it I knew that I was in an abusive relationship but I didn’t know how bad it was even though everyone had told me you’re not yourself anymore who are you what happened to you where did you go I was blind to that because I loved this man and I poured into this marriage like nobody’s business and of the day it wasn’t enough it wasn’t enough so that’s what happened I’m sorry if that wasn’t upsetting story for anybody but that is what happened and I do get emails and you know messages on Instagram and and on YouTube or people are saying you know what happened obviously something happened like they can read my blog and they know that I was married and on Instagram and then all of a sudden I just was not and I really never said anything about it and that’s why I always wanted to wait until number one I didn’t say anything initially because that first year after is a very tense time and not to put you find a point on it I didn’t want to do anything that was gonna drive him over the edge does my have filming this video change the fear level that I feel about him no it does not I will live all the day of the rest of my life looking over my shoulder about that man um but it’s part of my healing process to be able to say this is what happened and just leave it and and go forward it’s taking me 18 months or better yeah the better part of two years to get to this place and this is you know that is what it is that’s what happened I’m not gonna I’m not gonna sugarcoat it and pretend it didn’t happen because it’s embarrassing it is what it is it’s life it’s not always you know clean and pretty and Pinterest like sometimes it’s dirty and ugly and Springer like and that particular chapter of my life leaned way towards Jerry Springer again all of the rest of my vlogs will be much more upbeat even if I’m giving you know again like the whole you know difference between a military protective order and a civilian protective order I mean that’s a touchy subject if you’re the one who’s going to get it but there’s a way to give that kind of information without being upsetting so I hope you guys I don’t know it’s if it’s fair to say I hope you enjoyed it because you probably didn’t enjoy it because it’s such a just a story but I hope that it gave you a little insight into Who I am and where I’m coming from and kind of you know how I how I arrived here and then you know I can kind of go forward I’m just ready to I’m ready to put that down and and state it for the world and just and just go forward in my life I’m finally there after all this time so that’s it I hope you guys have a wonderful day if you know or if you personally are involved in what you suspect to be an abusive relationship and I don’t care if that person has never put their hands on you abuse comes in all forms and we’re programmed to believe things like you know if I don’t see a black eye it’s not abuse but this is not so so if you are in the middle of something like this or you know someone who is in the middle of something like this especially if they are a military spouse girlfriend husband whatever please subscribe and share and like these videos and comment below and let me know what kind of information you want to know because it’s very hush-hush when people divorce military people for some reason they just they keep their mouth shut they don’t say anything I could find almost nothing about it and and I was guilty of the same thing but I’m done with that I am just done with that I’m done with being silent about what happened about how the military did not conduct themselves in even remotely an ethical way I come from Oh Terry family so my family was appalled at how this was handled on the military base not not in our parish that’s it so stay with me through this journey and then you know we’ll get past that and then we’ll just do life together on my vlog just you me and my two babies I love you guys bye

Michael Martin

49 Responses

  1. Miss Laurean.. I vow to you that you have changed lives.. coz even after he has done this much to you.. you still find heart to love him.. and were carefull not to do anything that would hurt his career.. Your kids… they have a strong heart and am sure they will always be your guardian Angels..coz they are the purpose you are fighting each day.. and if he has a little self respect in him.. i hope that he wont bother you.. Your tears are thicker than blood…

  2. hi i just wanna know does he still support the two kids and hoping that you could at least friends together for the sake of peace its hard i know if he still wanting to support at least theres good on him probably being military is what eating him a live that he didnt realize god bless you of gods holy peace standing for your kids is what makes you beautiful and theres nothing to feel a shame of remember if stormy weather hits you theres also a sunny weather with a smile of a rainbow that saya theres still hope

  3. You are a beautiful lady, inside and out. You are a good mother and a great parent.
    Thank you for your strength and courage to tell your past history with your husband.
    It is good to let it out and heal, because it did hit emotionally hard. I can tell by your eyes.
    Good luck and best wishes in your future new and better life (y)

  4. most of the experiences I have in my life I've noticed women like to play the victim. I was raised by a single mother who abused me physically and mentally. I men after men come in and out of the house. one of her boyfriends molested my sister I was the one who caught him. my mother has been married 3 times and is living with what looks like will be her 4th. she thinks their soulmates (vomiting right now). I grew up without a father around. my mother would bash him call him a loser and kept me from seeing him alot. I don't speak to my mother very much at all these days but I talk to my father just about everyday. I remember one of the lowest periods in my father's life. he was living in a one bedroom shack with a window unit A.C. looking back I feel sorry for him because my mother was a real bitch to him. All I ever wanted was a family of my own. I ended up marrying a woman just as beautiful as you. eventually wee had children. Once the children were born things changed she became distant, cold and less interested in me and focused all her energy into the kids. I worked alot because I wanted her to be at home to raise the kids and have the opportunity that most women don't get. I busted my Ass, broke my foot, busted my skull open "yes literally" had to go to the ER. to get stiched up and went right back to work as a duty to my family. I take loyalty seriously. well few years go by. my wife decides to start dressing sexier and takin glamour shots. she would get hit on all the time. I believed she had my back and I had hers.
    things got strange people were saying things about my wife saying they saw her out with so and so. to make a long story short my wife was screwing my sisters husband. I found pictures of them by accident on my computer. later on I end up forgiving her because I didn't want my family destroyed….I loved my kids so much I would die for them if necessary and my wife at the time too. I've been betrayed by three people I thought were supposed to be there for me. my Mother, wife, and Brother in law. I had divorce papers written up and delivered. she came back crying and asking for forgiveness and said she would do anything to make her marriage work so like like a dumbass I forgive her. the next year my life was a living hell I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. she would sleep on the couch, would ignore me, wouldn't cook for the kids. I would try to talk to her ask about what is going on. she would scream at me just go find someone else. she spent the whole year planning her great escape all with the help of her boyfriend. the day she left she moved all the stuff out of the house while I was at work. served me divorce papers the next day. didn't know where she or my children were. finally I decided to go the school just so I could see my kids. then she files a protection order against me saying I abused her and the kids. she kept me from seeing my kids for seven months. as soon as I signed temporary child support papers I had the kids the following weekend. I went to court 9 times just to get postponed. my wife violated the status quo order the whole time judge didn't care. she basically got a pussy pass.
    anyhow you said you husband spent all his time on his career, how much time do you spend on your fitness competition? did you try to get him help for his abuse. no excuses for hitting his kids but sounds like he was under abuse lot of pressure to support a wife and kids. he probably used alcohol as a coping mechanism. I know I was under alot of pressure she had to have the best of everything materialistic, me I could care less. he slapped your son(no excuses) because your son disrespected him by saying mommy said it was ok. I don't know everything about your situation. I've come to realize that women for the most part use men like tools and throw them away like trash when their down exhausting all the resources out of them when they're done. not saying you but I hope you tried everything to help before you left him. sorry for the long winded message.good luck to you and your kids.

  5. God Bless you honey! I admire how honest and kind you seem. I truly pray that life only gets better for you and your sweet babies from here on out. I trust God has a great plan for you!!!!! Sending you love and prayers!

  6. For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man. ROMANS 7:2-3

  7. Thanks for sharing. It must have been hard for you. The world is upside down. Many men are not what they are designed to be because so much is coming at them and they just take things out on the weak people around them, which is their family. Thankfully you got out. Be encouraged. You will be fine, but it will take time. Stay blessed!

  8. 16:30 – 16:53 really hit home. I'm going through something similar. Our "incident" happened 10/2016 and I felt just as you described. I don't want to ruin his career. But I NEED to protect my kids. I'm thankful I found you.

  9. I understand your situation. just know that it does get better as your kids get older. patience is a virtue. your children will love you and appreciate you, that is all that matters.

  10. I wrote a one year update blog yesterday for anyone who wants to read it. It's available at https://wp.me/p3esCZ-kG.

  11. He needs help. You do too. Divorce is the easy way out at this day and age. You signed up for better or worse remember? Does in Sickness and in health ring a bell? By the way, Your husband is a product of the military psychological elements that turn most of them into monsters.

  12. I just created a brand new YouTube channel documenting my personal story as I go through my own separation and divorce. It is by far the hardest thing I have ever faced. I share with the world the misery and heartbreak. Join me: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNrhTefvK80O20axEJJLxCA/featured?view_as=subscriber

  13. I think your an incredible person. I wish I could articulate my emotions and experiences half as well as you do

  14. I'm not sure why you were in my suggested videos…but wow. I'm a fellow ex military wife. Similliar situation but towards me. I feel every single ounce of your pain and I understand your situation. I'm still struggling to this day. 💜 prayers to you

  15. This is why people should not get married and that idiot who married you will now have to pay money now hahhahahaha sucker!

  16. So, you're a multiple married ho-ho with multiple kids looking for another branch to cling to, right? When did you actually stop swallowing??

  17. I would have protected my child too. That's just what mothers do its automatic. Also u right. Kids can talk rather we like it or not. I'm sorry yall had to experience this. Praying for you and your family.

  18. I respect your honestly. Abusive relationships are no joke. It's a frightening thing to try to free yourself. It's difficult to gauge the possible actions of an irrational and unpredictable person. Trying to decide how your choices will even impact people who cross paths with the abuser in the future. Is this going to turn into one of those, "We discovered that he had a history of violence…." things. I hope and pray that things work out in the best way possible. Peace to you.

  19. My brother is an Iraqi war veteran, he's punched me out of anger leaving bruises and broken down my bedroom door, I've thought to report it to the police but for some reason I decided not to, oh now I remember because it would likely get me kicked out of our family home because my mom favors him and would have said I provoked him. Now I walk on tip toes around him just trying not to piss him off.. It sucks to be in a situation where I'm dependent on others. Also he is a huge man 6 foot tall and large frame, ex steroid user. Maybe because of him I have chosen to date a very small gentle asian man who could never beat me up.

  20. Hey guys, if you have questions or suggestions about vegan meals, please leave them in the comments section below or tag me at #askRL. I always include all of the products that I use in my videos in the description box above. Thanks for spending a few minutes with me and I will see you in the next video.

  21. Here's what REALLY happened with your divorce: You were deceived into thinking you were divorced but Jesus Christ kept His word and promise to you by preventing man from putting your marriage asunder

  22. Your husband has the right to discipline his children. If he did it when he was drunk you should have waited for him to sober up before you spoke to him. But I feel you made it a big deal in front of your kids, probably said some things about their father to them and that's why they complained. You said you loved this man….I'm sure he was a good father and husband but was going through some stuff. Being in the military must be hard. Women play the victim all the time, shed tears and gain sympathy. But no one knows what Jezebel's the men have to deal with. Women are no saints.

  23. You were brave to get away and protect your children from a volatile household. Your strength is amazing. Leaving an abusive relationship, physical or non physical can be so hard.

  24. Hey beautiful. I'm going to say some things to you, and please dont take anything I say personally.
    This man was abusive for 10 yrs yet you still "loved" him. What was there to love? He was mean spirited and abusive. Women have a tendency to get lost in the emotions of "love" and they cant think straight.
    As a result of that, I am glad the state forced your hand. In the animal kingdom it's natural for a mother to kick anyone's ass who even thinks about coming near her kids. Humans on the other hand hesitate bec of irrational emotions. Your kids who are helpless, come before any man, period.
    Have you ever heard of Stockholm syndrome? It's when someone terrorizes you, might even kidnap you or harm you in other ways, and yet you bond with your captor. And you get upset that the person gets arrested.
    You wanted to protect his career.
    Excuse me, but screw him and his career. Those were choices he made he has to live with that.
    I have some homework for you. Number one, I want you to look very closely at your childhood. Were you abused in any way? Bec we tend to be drawn to ppl like our parents. I did it too, so I know. I got rid of the evil narcissist..both of the parents are snakes..and I chose awful men too.
    It's not a conscious thing, its unconscious that we are drawn to ppl like our parents.
    Two, if you haven't sought out therapy or a support group, that is your next assignment. I had to do it and had to go through a few to find one who was normal.
    If you dont seek therapy, you could end up with someone else just like your ex. Remember that awful ppl are Extremely charming, but their evil lurks and will be seen soon enough. Dont rush into any relationship, and dont have sex with them for a long time, like months after meeting. Womens brains get scrambled when men have sex with them.
    Thirdly, consider taking a self defense class. I dont want you to EVER be in a situation where you give men that much power over you or your kids.
    Domination is not love, nor is it good to be fearful of your partner.
    Girl find your strength and let these fools know, you better not try me, bec you will be sorry!
    Your inner strength is there baby girl and dont ever let your kids or yourself to be in a situation like that ever again.
    Much love from someone concerned. Hugs, sweetie.

  25. oh honey, you are so brave and you should give yourself a break cause so many women out here in the jungle need to hear and feel your strength, including myself. we are not military but your message is universal. i have spent 16 years in an extremely abusive, physically emotionally and spiritually. major infidelity. I have finally made the decision to leave, and it's a difficult one cause I am 52 now starting over. but like you I love this man with all my heart, being without him brings on great anxiety and fear. but in all reality he never loved me and that is heart breaking. he has put me in the hospital to check for brain damage, so many incidentsi can't recall them all right now. I am not to the stage of reflecting and letting go cause life is to hectic to even think about it. but I will and I will need these types of videos so please keep them coming.

  26. In don’t feel emotionally strong to do it . I’m an immigrant in USA I don’t have any close family members, no financial freedom I think I’m attached to him , I may love him but he’s cold and my kids are little.

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