Marriage and Money Seminar | Powercat Financial Counseling

all right we’re gonna go ahead and get
it started welcome everybody to a marriage and money thank you so much for
being here we’ve got some great material for you guys tonight
but yeah first before we begin I want to check you guys some information my name
is Stephen Straus I’m studying personal financial planning and I’m also a part
of the student advisory board for Powercat financial so again we welcome
you guys here and we want to make sure that you guys are aware of a service
that is provided by k-state if you haven’t heard of it I hope you have but
in case you haven’t we have what’s called Powercat financial it’s on the
third floor of the Student Union room 302
and basically what that is is if you are a student at k-state you get free
financial counseling whatever that means for you it will help you guys and know
and who will be talking tonight is actually one of our counselors so you
could meet with them but yeah we’ve got a few other counselors who are like just
there to help you guys out for free with whatever questions you have whether it
be you know confusion with student loans whether it be a job offer here are these
papers what do they mean from you know anything you can hope to help you out
that is so again I want to emphasize that’s a free service so it’s really
exciting that a case they can offer that and you can make your appointment online
at K – stadium k-state edu / Powercat financial so also this is a k-state 360
event so if you want to be a part of that now you can sign in somewhere or on
your phone I’m not sure how that works another percent sure but anyway get that
checked out also we are you want to have this event
recorded as you know cameras they are kind of hinting at and we will have a
loaded to our website now relatively soon and the website is I believe it’s
that case they give you by the park a financial as well so if you guys are
taking notes or you just want to go through and review the information that
was provided here and yeah that’ll be uploaded on the website soon enough
finally so we have the next event that Powercat financial is putting on it’s
called spring break not spring broke and that’ll be happening March 1st at the
Student Union from 12:00 to 1:30 and basically what this is going to be is
you know as spring break is coming up everybody’s excited everybody wants to
know spend money of course you know that’s why you save up right but you
know we want to try to reduce that so you can have more to spend
so basically come by the Student Union at that date you time and we’ll try
give you guys some tips when it comes to saving money during your spring break so
without further ado we have dr. Breuder and one of our students that thanks
Steven yeah thanks for all of you to be in here tonight it’s good to see a
pretty full room as you saw in the last slide and we’re having some polls
throughout our presentation tonight so have your phone’s ready answer those
real quick I’m just to get a general sense of where all you guys are at it’s
good to see that a lot of you are engaged so congrats on that it’s an
exciting time I’ve been married almost two years now my wife is here so yeah
it’s a it’s a fun time to enjoy that period of your life yeah disclosure you
have to be fast because the pole is limited to 50 people so we’ll see who
can who’s the first 50 people yeah yeah like Steven said my name is Nolan Chi
I’m a senior and personal financial planning and a third year peer counselor
at Powercat and so like you said we meet with students budgeting student loans
are very common topics but if you guys have questions about as we’ll talk
tonight just like setting up a budget together and what that looks like I mean
we’re a great service for that and we can just walk you through that process
so yeah I’ll let dr. looter introduce herself okay my name is Sonya looter I
teach in the personal financial planning program I’ve been at k-state for nine
years I think that’s right as a professor and I’ve only been
married for six months or so no almost a year I am wrong and that I was married
prior to that for 13 years so I have two different experiences to share with you
yeah well when she was definitely understated herself there I mean she is
extremely well known across the country if not even the world I’d say in this
topic of marriage and money so definitely take advantage of that asked
her questions she’ll be happy to dance or anything that you guys have so yeah
so why’d you mention that those so if you have any questions at any time
during the presentation definitely ask them
it’ll make it a lot more exciting yeah I’m all some time at the end to dance or
some as well but yeah so just a little bit of a look of you know why we’re here
while we’re talking about this topic money and finance is a number-one source
of stress and fights within relationships but only greater than 70
percent reports stress over money and report fighting about money only 50% of
couples talk about money before marriage so we’re gonna take a poll here in a sec
and just to see where you guys are at you know have you talked about money
before but 12% never talked about it throughout their dating time as well as
marriage so this is an important stat here I’d say too just to show you that
the gap between the the communication that’s needed and you know what the
danger is of not communicating your finances properly with your your spouse
or partner so it is key and we’re hoping that through our presentation tonight
you guys can just take away maybe one thing that you can apply to your life
your relationship going from here so yeah it is easier said than done for
sure so yeah if you guys don’t mind what do you answer that question real quick
have you talked with your significant other about money at before so if you
weren’t here when the first poll was open you can either answer it online or
you can text that code to the number 2 2 3 3 3 I feel like this is gonna be a
biased sample because you showed up for this event yeah that’s true but like you
said only 50 percent actually talk about money yeah
ever okay so nobody’s not at all which is
good because you agreed to come to the seminar so at least you had a tiny
conversation about that not everybody was ending a full-time or serious
relationship either so of course that’s influencing the poll results of it as
well I guess yeah you’ve only talked a little bit
about money that’s okay I mean that’s why you’re here so that’s a good first
step studying the stage for you know bridging that gap to get that proper
communication it’s important to schedule a time to have those discussions whether
that’s maybe once a week or once a month at the dinner table just putting
everything on the table and just you know looking at your finances whether
that’s adjusting your budget together or looking at goals that you have set or
setting goals together and this is an important time in order to just
understand you know what’s going on your life maybe where you’re struggling with
keeping up your budget what needs to be adjusted so it’s a good time for that
it’s time where you can be just honest no judging and admitting mistakes you
just listening to others and looking at the numbers so whether that’s your
budget or going back to past bank statements I mean there’s things you can
do just to look at you know what is your situation looking like currently and
where do you want to be how do we need to get there so before I became a
professor I was a marriage and Family Therapist and it was absolutely
mind-blowing to me how therapists will avoid anything talking about money that
this is not something they want to do but as you are probably aware money is
the number one thing that couples argue about we just saw them on the first
slide or alluded to it and what’s even more fascinating and why I love the
sample is that the amount that you argue about money at the very beginning of
your relationship is the number one predictor of later relationship
satisfaction so however much you’re arguing right now I can come to you in
five years and predict your relationship satisfaction based off of that one
factor right now there’s other things that are gonna play into it but that’s
going to be the most important thing so the fact that you’re here in this room
is a good sign that you’re not having conflict or you wouldn’t have
agreed to come here together or one of you come and share the information with
the other one but definitely it’s very important to have these conversations
the reasons that people are arguing about money if you have had conflict
that’s perfectly normal you should have conflict because it means you’re
communicating the reason that you are probably having disagreements is a
difference in values so I value something that you don’t value it could
be indecisiveness so neither of you wants to make a decision naivety nobody
knows what to do with the money so we’ll just do nothing it could be something
like this is fairly common I don’t know how common this will be for some of you
but family businesses when maybe one of you in here it’s part of a family
business what do you do with that because you’re gonna have a really
personal attachment to that and maybe unrealistic expectations about it
whereas your partner has a outside perspective of that and they may not
agree that you should continue on in that business or have different ways of
thinking about doing it economic pressure so you are under economic
pressure as a student it gets better but you probably are gonna have more
conflicts now than you might later on because you just don’t have the
financial resources and also income differences I love that this is almost
50/50 split with males and females but this is really alarming to me that when
you’re when the wife makes more than the husband conflict in the house increases
even in 2017 so there’s still this kind of expectation of the man being the
breadwinner and when he’s not the breadwinner conflict increases and so it
doesn’t mean it has to it’s just a conversation to have and what are the
implications of that so how do you reduce some of these conflict as having
better communication these things are not surprising to you active listening
you’ve heard this time and time again I’m sure but what this really means and
I think it’s really challenging for you when I went to college I didn’t have a
cellphone which is probably strange to you but to have a conversation where
your cell phone is not in the room so you’re not getting the alerts the text
nothing’s buzzing on your phone you’re just listening to your partner not
having the TV on and just listening to one another mirroring each other’s
behaviors when they’re leaning forward and really engaged then you lean forward
and you be really engaged and it shows that you value your partner and you want
to hear what they have to say I feel statements just raise your hand have you
heard of these those many people’s I would have thought so instead of saying
you never paying you have the bills I always have to do that start with why
you’re upset about this so maybe I feel stressed when I have to juggle all of
the bills on top of everything else I have to do so you’re starting with the
feeling attached to it and it makes it a lot less defensive because as soon as
you start a sentence with you the person goes into defense mode and frankly
they’re not listening to anything you say that because they’re just coming up
with what they’re gonna say back to you and in response their excuse their
reason why this is not an issue so start with I instead yes and I only recently
learned about how to phrase this one with the yes and instead of the but
statements but I do the but statements all the time so something along the
lines of well I would help you pay the bills but you always complain that I
don’t do it the right way so as soon as you hear that word but anything that I
said before that doesn’t count so I said I would be willing to help you pay the
bills but so I’m not actually willing to help you pay the bills because there’s
this big disclosure of I’m not going to do it because of this other thing so try
something else other things you could do is I’m willing to help you pay the bills
and I need you to show me the method that you want me to use for this or I
wonder what it would be like if you if we switch to a different system that I
understand better and anything you can do to avoid the but and then practicing
gratitude and generosity for college students this doesn’t mean money for
adults or working adults it also doesn’t necessarily mean money but being
generous means lots of things being generous with your time
and actively listening to your partner giving them that 20 minutes to express
what happened in their day it could mean donating some of your time
together to help the food bank or help out at a church activity or anything
like that it’s just this idea of giving your time and talents to somebody else
and there’s so many benefits of generosity I don’t know if you know this
the most applicable to you is people who are generous have higher marital
satisfaction relationship satisfaction they also live longer that’s pretty
amazing and this one is really quite remarkable that people who are generous
the impacts of generosity on your physical health for blood pressure is
the same as medicine and exercise so all of you science majors in here
practicing generosity has the same effect as medicine and exercise on
reducing blood pressure also reduces dementia and reduces stress anxiety and
not surprising and it makes the endorphins that the feel-good endorphins
it releases those into your body so you don’t have to give your partner flowers
or candy or cards or anything like that but expressing to them what you
appreciate about them I really appreciate that you took the time to
walk the dog this morning is a form of generosity and gratitude and get all
sorts of good side-effects from it and then also Nolan mentioned this in the
previous slide with just scheduling a time it’s not fair to say to my partner
I really think we need to be spending twenty dollars less each month on
groceries on Friday evening when I get home because I don’t know what kind of
day he’s had I don’t know if something big happen at work I don’t know what
sort of homework expectations he has and so saying you know I really have some
ideas about how we might want to restructure our budget can we talk about
this tomorrow afternoon or is there a good time that week
both come together and have this conversation so it allows each person to
prepare their side of the argument or conversation so that the other person
isn’t caught off guard with that with family influence this is going to play a
big role in how you guys communicate as a partner or in a future relationship it
also impacts a lot of the arguments about money and some of the big things
that I think are pretty fascinating is for you right now regardless if you’re
in a relationship or not if your parents argued a lot about money when you were a
child whether you’re in the lucky 50% where you lived with both parents or
even if your parents were divorced and they were arguing about money and you
were caught in the middle those people who were exposed to more arguments from
their parents have worse financial behaviors as an adult so better less
arguing better financial behaviors so that impacts you right now but then also
think about how this impacts you your future kids if you want to have kids and
just the cyclical effect this can have on the family and also kind of in the
same vein as how much of what you are taught is carrying over to what you do
today a lot of it we you may not think your parents taught you anything about
money I guarantee you they taught you most everything you know about money
they just may not have said it but they showed you and what they did and what
they and the ways that they behaved so if they gave you an allowance
what was that teaching you implicitly not directly but was this teaching you
to be butter money managers just a piece of advice if you have kids or planning
to have kids giving an allowance doesn’t actually make kids any better with money
unless you talk to them about what that money means so if you had gotten
allowance as a child it probably doesn’t mean you’re any better with money than
anybody else some of these childhood things that we learn we actually believe
them to be true and maybe they actually are true
for us but well I believe to be true may not be the same as what my partner
believes to be true so for instance if I grew up in a home to where we always
gave 10% to the church this is just what we did there’s no exceptions to that
rule I believe that to be true I mean there’s nothing else we can do about
that my partner they when they had money they gave it to the church when they
didn’t they they didn’t and so that can cause a lot of conflict because I
believe this is the only way of doing things and he says no there’s other ways
of doing it so just having that conversation amongst yourself as far as
what were what did you do when you were a little with your family as it relates
to money when I was a therapist and even now when I do projects working with
couples the number one thing I have them do is make a family tree it’s called a
genogram if any of you are in a Family Studies or sociology type program but
it’s a way of graphing now your grandparents your parents and your
brothers and sisters and taking a minute to see okay was my is my brother a
spender was my mom or dad a spender how did they talk about money amongst each
other where’s their conflict is one of them a
gambler how is it and then looking at the different levels of your family and
how of these themes played out does a certain trend follow the males in the
family are you picking up on some of the themes
that happened in your grandparents that’s actually quite common that one
generation is really good with money the next generation spends it and then the
next generation rebuilds those good money habits so that’s something to be
maybe a little bit concerned about if your parents were really good with money
maybe you inherited the bad side of that but it doesn’t necessarily mean that by
any means yeah so a couple conversations you can have if you if you want to go
ahead and just go through all of them yeah just around the dinner table or
just during those times where you have those regular meetings together for us I
mean I’ve had a couple personal experiences with this so like for number
two just how often is your parents talk about money and what were their
conversations like so for me personally my parents
and I’m sure they talked about their finances but around us kids they didn’t
express those you know those conversations and those topics around us
so for me naturally I feel more sheltered around those topics and I
think she could probably agree with that so that’s something we have to work
through I mean I have to be able to express you know why I believe that you
know we should alot $50 to going out to eat instead of seventy five or four
different things like that so that that has played a big role in our
relationship so we have to work through that and just build those communication
skills yeah couple of others too I mean what does it mean to be an
over-under you know spender so I think first we need a you know build a
budgeting lifestyle in order to see if you’re over under spending I mean you
still have to build that budgeting mindset to to know what your means
actually are before you can start you know monitoring that and then another
one to how our patterns repeating five and six and like what would we hope to
carry on so another conversation we’ve had her parents her dad
especially has done a great job of saving for college for their kids and
that’s something that I absolutely love and that she absolutely loves that we’re
gonna pass on to maybe our kids if we have some someday and start building up
a savings and they to be system specific with it I mean they emphasize the
importance of working while you’re in school growing up in high school in
college so they support them through that and then provide some help
throughout college and it’s just a great way to both help save for college as
well as encourage them to work so that’s something that we absolutely love and
that we’re gonna carry on so here’s another question what spending
personality accommodation has the highest relationship satisfaction oh you missed your opportunity always oh are you gonna tell them yeah the pool
did win I mean the sabre sabre and does have the proven facts around it that
that state that the relationship satisfaction is improved so it’s
important to figure out you know what money personality do you have are you a
spender are you a saver naturally if you’re a spender I mean that’s okay I’m
just being able to understand that and communicate that with your partner is
extremely important moving forward opposites do attract spender spender
personalities do have the highest conflict would you like to touch more on
that if you’ve seen that maybe in some of your studies and research yeah I
think this is probably not surprising it was at least the least frequently chosen
out of you guys as far as the opposite of the highest satisfaction but I think
this idea of the opposites attracting is very prevalent and it’s especially so at
the beginning of their relationship because maybe I’m a saver and my partner
is a spender and I find that really attractive at first that he’s willing to
just go to the movie and buy dinner and buy dessert wow this is really exciting
and then we start sharing money and like how dare you spend $200 on a night up
hey like how how quickly that changed and so I actually think it’s a little
bit surprising that it’s not the saver spender that that’s the most conflictual
but you can see how naturally to spenders who maybe are consistently
going over a budget you’re always having credit card debt you’re always trying to
figure out how to pay your necessities can lead to a conflict
so naturally the highest satisfaction leads to the savers say yeah savor savor
but that doesn’t necessarily mean that’s a good thing either to always be saving
because you have to spend a little bit of money for happiness – yeah I’ll touch
on that a little bit – I mean are in our relationship just given another example
I think we’re both naturally savers but that doesn’t mean we don’t experience
conflict with our decisions for one example for a
honeymoon she was wanting to go to Ireland I was pretty hesitant on
spending the money to go somewhere that far away I guess because you know the
plane ride was not cheap I wanted to do something so it just took time for her
to kind of communicate with me communicate together in order to say
okay I mean it’s okay to spend a little bit of money to go enjoy something like
this that we’ll remember for a lifetime so just because we’re both savers
doesn’t mean we don’t experience conflict but it’s just something that we
kind of have to work through depending on situation depending on you know what
we’re dealing with yeah so some conversations to have you know where do
you see yourself on this spectrum communicate that with your partner did
opposites attract in your situation or are you the same and like I said if
you’re both spenders that’s okay just be aware of that know that maybe living on
a budget is the best thing for you and then yeah take advantage of Powercat
come in talk with us let us help you set up a budget and then you know I start
living on that and that will reduce I can almost guarantee that just living on
a budget and just being aware of you know where you’re spending your money
can really reduce conflict in my opinion and living on a budget isn’t a bad thing
or it doesn’t have to be a time consuming things there’s tons of apps
that make it easy for you yeah we’ll talk about but whenever you hear a
budget I feel like people just kind of yeah good yeah it’s not fun but there’s
easy and it can be fun yeah yeah so do you think it matters in terms of who’s
the spender and who’s the saver which do you think is worse for the relationship
to have a spin dy for spendy husband I heard spendy wife you said spendy
husband yeah it’s actually both partners will agree that having a spin D conflict
increases conflict more for their relationship it doesn’t mean that it’s
negative when the husband is also a spender but it just contributes to
conflict much less so than the wife being a spender and I think this is why
so wives perception of financial conflict goes down when there is more
communication this kind of seems like a gender expectation that we expect that
women didn’t want to talk it’s totally biased and not necessarily
right but but here’s evidence the financial conflict will decrease if you
have more conversation men on the other hand conflict is increases when they
have more kids not surprising right so I think the idea of the conflict
increasing when the wife is a spender is not surprising for the pure fact that
when women tend to have extra money however that’s defined whether they got
a bonus at work or I am they got money for a holiday or a birthday or something
like this but however they come upon extra money she spends it on her
children first and the husband if he has extra money do you think he spends it on
the kids no he actually spends it on personal entertainment is the number one
thing that they spend it on so I can see why conflict would increase for men when
there’s more children because perhaps he’s perceiving the wife to be spending
more money on the kids I’m stuff they don’t need or that he doesn’t value as
much as she values and she’s not happy because they’re not talking about money
so having those very regular conversations however you want to define
regular I guess we didn’t talk about that in your slide but I suggest monthly
I think that’s plenty sufficient to review the
monthly expenses did we go over where we weren’t expecting to go over is this a
normal thing or should we readjusted budget maybe cut down something else as
well I don’t know that we talk a lot about kids and you this is probably way
too far in the future for you guys but do you know how much a kid cost to raise
tell a teen too much it’s a lot it’s a quarter million dollars on average so
that’s a lot of money to consider daycare alone is for a newborn like
close to two thousand dollars a month for premiere daycare in Manhattan so
that’s $24,000 a year who has that kind of money so then you had to make the
decision is somebody gonna stay home or not stay home and you can see how a
conflict will increase pretty rapidly once you introduce more dependents into
the equation all right so moving on and one of the main questions I got asked
when we got married was joint or separated I so I think this is probably
one of the most you know common topics of discussion when you get married
whether or not to join your finances or keep them separate so there are a couple
options there are only joint accounts so that’s you know one one spouse moving
all the money from their account over to the other spouses account but there’s
also others too so you can have a joint account for family expenses or separate
for kind of like your fun money so I do have an experience with this as well I
have a friend who there he’s married and what they do is they have one of their
accounts that they had before getting married
set aside for those family expenses like rent utilities food groceries gas all
those necessary things and then they have their allowance what they call you
their fund money set aside in the other account so they in their budget have
money set aside allotted to their fund money and they can do whatever they want
with that fund money and then they don’t judge each other based on what they do
with that they don’t necessarily even see what the other person is doing with
that money so that’s a cool and I think it could be helpful for some you know
relationships to do if you’re looking to you know join your finances as well with
you know keeping something separate and then you could also do just step
accounts as well I think maybe one thing to add here is just to reiterate that
relationship satisfaction is gonna be a highest if you keep some sort of a joint
account system if you have the fund money maybe it’s $20 a month right now
maybe in the future it goes to $100 a month whatever that is for your
particular family this summer I did some research and I ask couples knowing this
so why do you keep separate accounts and their reasons were they didn’t trust
their partner to save money like they wanted them to save there was
differences in values so I wanted to spend money on something that he doesn’t
didn’t want to spend money on and so you can see how all of these reasons while
maybe it doesn’t seem problematic to them we just have different goals or
different values I mean that’s a huge red flag that maybe we’ve got a more
serious problem we need to discuss so I’m not saying that joint accounts are
gonna fix that solution but at least it forces you to work towards the same
goals yeah so with financial management going forward after you get married for
those of you that are engaged or serious relationship you need a primary person
in control of your finances that can change over time with circumstances and
you can discuss that you know during your regular times where you meet and
talk about these things but you need someone to take control of you know
paying the bills just understanding when all those are due those those sort of
those sort of things that they should be responsible for and then this is what
dr. litter was discussing earlier and the spending tracker tools that are
available can make life so much easier at Powercat we promote does
anyone use mint or have you heard of mint before yeah it’s I think it’s a
really really cool tool tool what you do there is you link your bank account to
mint it’s completely safe and then every time you swipe your card at McDonald’s
or at a gas station that transaction will be automatically uploaded onto mint
in order to help you track what you’re spending your money on you can build a
budget on there so you can build out categories and a lot
certain percentages of your money to those categories and every time you
swipe your card at a restaurant it’ll subtract you know that amount from
your budgeted category for food and then you know once you get down to maybe
twenty dollars left on your budget it’ll send you an alert saying hey be careful
you’re almost you know almost up to your budgeted amount on this item so it can
be very helpful take advantage of that and then going back I mean this is very
important we’ve talked a lot about this it’s just finding that time to meet
regularly to discuss these topics for the primary person in control I mean
sometimes that changes I know I talked I was talking to Jody
our director about this a couple weeks ago and like she had a situation where
you know her situation changed completely and they maybe weren’t quite
as prepared for it as they might would have liked so just having these
discussions keeping the other spouse aware that’s you know you are doing
these things you are paying these bills so if I can’t do this they can just jump
right in and take over if they need to and then automates a huge one – you can
do this I think at pretty much every online bill payment service so just go
on there link your bank account set up automatic payments so you don’t forget
to make this payment so you can keep your credit going up in a good way for
student loans so this can apply for a lot of you guys if you set up automatic
payments after you graduate your interest rate could be reduced by a
quarter of a percent so that’s another advantage of doing that so if you have
more questions about that come talk to us at Powercat as well but yeah it’s
another set here’s low stress when communicating equals likely higher
likelihood of accomplishing goals and then some goals it’s it’s important to
build goals as a couple so ask yourself you know what do you hope life looks
like in 5-10 years maybe answer this independently and then come together and
share those goals and there see what are the similarities between both the both
of you what are some differences and just what are some goals that you want
to build together whether that’s buying a house in ten years from you know
getting married or from now or buying a car in a couple years to go on a trip
with your family so these are some you know common goals
and just understand what it will take to get there and that’s that’s what the
budget budget comes in you can build out a budget what we do with students at
Powercat we have a budgeting process where we have them estimate what they
think they’re spending on a monthly basis and what they think they’re
earning and then from there we have them track what they’re spending whether
that’s looking at past bank statements or I keep in track on pencil on paper or
what they’re spending their money on that month and from there they can see
the gas between what they think they’re spending what they’re actually spending
and they can see those see those gaps and those errors and maybe okay I
thought I was allotting 20 bucks they’re going out to eat but I was actually
spending $80 a month going out to eat so that’s a gap where you need to maybe
adjust and maybe save you know an extra 20 bucks a month on that category in
order to meet a goal if you are wanting to save an extra maybe 100 bucks a month
you need to find you know hundred bucks a month in your budget to trim down to
meet that definitely not too soon to talk about it either for those of you
who are not engaged or married and research suggests that if you write down
your goal don’t just talk about it write it down and post it somewhere to where
you see it every day you’re gonna be significantly more likely to accomplish
it I think the bathroom mirror is a good place to put it maybe there’s a
different place that’s more appropriate for you but wherever you want to at
least write it down and look at it and remind yourself what you are agreeing to
work towards yeah and we have some goals or we have some tools at power cats to
help you with this we have the spending plan worksheet is this one in the back
here it’s pretty intimidating when you first look at it but if you walk through
it with a counselor like myself we can just go through the process there’s a
few expenses here but the list goes on and on and it really touches on every
expense that you could you know encounter throughout the month so it’s a
good tool just to understand what your budgets at and start building one for
the first time maybe and then from there you can take that budget and add it to
demint or another type of software if you don’t like something as manual as an
Excel spreadsheet and then we have a financial goals worksheet which is
included in your packet that answer that helps just you know those those
questions of what you want life to look like in five
I have 15 years this work she can help you with that whether that’s your
savings or housing just go through there think of them as you know make sure
they’re smart goals make them specific measurable attainable relevant and
timely I’m sure you guys have heard those in some of your classes here at
k-state but go through them together and talk about them
you’ve all heard that money doesn’t buy happiness I’m not arguing with that but
I’m also not a hundred percent on board with that because money does buy
happiness up to a certain point people who make seventy five thousand is the
most recent statistic are the happiest so for those of you maybe your happiness
is not quite at its peak yet it will be soon but once you get above seventy five
thousand your happiness doesn’t really increase anymore
and so something to think about like is it really worth us spending more time
apart from one another to make an extra five or ten thousand dollars or it’s
what we have right now enough so nobody else can define that for you the $75,000
is kind of a random number and it’s gonna vary a lot for each person but
what’s enough for you if you don’t do anything else in this in your folder do
this one the might enough worksheet it’s the last one in there the key thing is
you have to do it alone and then compare it with your partner for those of you
who aren’t yet in a relationship or maybe just casually dating was one of
the options still do this and think about what’s enough for you
and what it’s gonna take to get there so it goes through all sorts of different
categories as far as housing and transportation and clothes and travel
and and it forces you to think about okay when are when are we going to be
happy enough and we kind of have this expectation as Americans we always need
to have a little bit more and more and more but really thinking about okay when
is enough to stop and when can we focus on other priorities and not have to
worry about that extra five or ten thousand dollars so another thing perak
i can help you with is credit you’re good and so yeah just going back
to the benefits of having joint accounts is transparency and another thing that’s
important is pulling your credit report just to see you know what
what debts out there may be and what does your credit look like for some of
your goals that you’re setting whether that’s buying a house those banks they
will look at your credit to see if you are worthy to get a loan for a house or
for a car so it’s important to see what both maybe your credit is if you’ve
never done it before as well as your partner’s so power-cut can help you with
that as stated there pre-existing debt does
not automatically appear on your spouse’s credit reports but once you
start building other credit as such as like mortgage or auto loans that sort of
thing then they could be joining together yeah so check with your bank
first just to see what goes into their process of determining maybe their rates
that they’re offering as well as just approval of a mortgage or a loan so look
there first you can go to Credit Karma that’s another good tool just to see
what your score is currently and where it needs to be but if you want to pull a
credit report I’d suggest come and talk with us it can
be there’s a simple process but if you just do on your own it might seem a
little intimidating but annual credit report is where you go to do that you
get three free ones a year from each of the credit bureaus one from each of the
credit bureaus so we recommend maybe checking them on a quarterly basis or
three times a year just spread them out pick out certain dates throughout the
year that you want to and maybe your birthday your spouse’s birthday your
partner’s birthday and and just and just look at those reports make sure they’re
accurate too so this is a good way to check for like identity theft if if
someone’s doing stolen your identity there so another question that we have
is what type of debt should not be consolidated with your significant other
someone was super fast with reading my questions yeah and it looks like so you still haven’t
done it yet but that’s okay it looks like the majority of you are correct
student loans is the type of debt that you should not consolidate with your
spouse with your partner someone one main reason would be if your spouse may
pass away I got for bidding your student loans what if you keep them separate
their student loans would pass away with that spouse or with that partner so
that’s one benefit of not combining if you combined and that happened then you
know both of them would continue under that person’s name you may lose some
benefits as well with some of your federal loans by doing that as well so
that’s another important aspect to remember some pre-existing debt that you
might see credit card debt student loans auto loans keep them in original owner’s
name like we said but again just going back to just discussing this finding
that time to sit down with each other and just talk about these things it’s
important just to create that transparency just know you know what
debt do you have are you in student loan debt do you have credit card debt those
conversations might be hard at first but just finding ways to go about them to
build that that that debt repayment plan to move on with your life is extremely
important and then some new debt that we’ve talked about already is just that
mortgage and credit cards go back going back to goals just build up maybe a
savings count for some other goals if you want to buy a house and the down
payment can be pricey so building up some some savings there to reduce the
amount of loan that you have to take out can be helpful so with all this talk
about debt maybe you’re wondering about if you should actually tell your partner
about it this is quite common this is an extremely conservative estimate that
one-third of couples hide light to the partner about money whether how much
money they have how much money they owe I’ve seen estimates closer to 80 percent
so it depends which number you want so believe and who you want to believe is
actually telling you the truth on polls like this am I actually going
to admit that I’m lying to my partner about my financial affairs maybe not
checking the credit report that’s why I think this is I love this group of
people too because this is the perfect time to do that as well when you’re very
early in your relationship or maybe engaged to take a look at each other’s
credit report because maybe you honestly think you have no debt but maybe there’s
something lingering that you didn’t know that was there and maybe it’s a identity
theft concern but having that conversation as far as what that we have
is super important but not only that but also looking at being honest about how
much money you make there’s a lot of people who may say that they make less
than they really do for certain personal reasons maybe they don’t want to spend
it all on you some people will say that they make more than they actually do and
maybe that’s to worry you in you don’t know why people do this but there’s a
lot of lying that goes on with money it’s just as damaging as other types of
infidelity which i think is pretty remarkable of course you’re gonna have
lower satisfaction and greater risk of divorce all of these third of people who
admitted in this poll to lying this is what they were doing most of them hiding
some sort of a purchase so maybe I bought a pair of shoes and I didn’t tell
my partner and then I pulled them out of the closet bank oh no I’ve had these
forever type of thing or maybe I hid cash I got extra money or I cashed a
check or I deposited part of my paycheck but to cash out for part of it and I
didn’t tell them and then I just spent it on stuff that I want to spend it on
which is I’m not saying don’t spend money on what you want to spend on but
do it Nolan set and agree on what that amount is gonna be so I can take out $50
doesn’t mean I have to say every purchase that I made but let’s agree on
what that amount is and abide by that hitting’s hiding in a bank account or a
bill is fairly common and then just various things that people lie about on
the bottom so I think this particular poll was very conservative like I said
and I think it’s something you should definitely be aware of not concerned
about you should trust your partner but give the opportunity to have
conversations I think a lot of the infidelity is not on purpose I think
it’s just something that happens accidentally like you didn’t think to
mention it to them so being honest and having those conversations for sure I
kind of mentioned some gender issues earlier with regards to when women make
more there’s more conflict in the house I think part of this reason is because
women are still expected it’s not verbally stated but the unwritten
expectation is that women are primarily responsible for household work even in
2017 two-thirds of young women your age feel
like they do more household work than their partner but two-thirds of the
male’s think they’re doing half of it so we definitely have some miscommunication
there this is going to lead to unhappy relationships obviously and the reason I
bring this up is because this is very much tied to work we see time and time
again that when women start working more in the workforce their participation in
the household work does not decrease when men start working more in the
workforce their household work does decrease so if that’s what you want to
do in your relationship fine as long as both people agree to it but having the
conversation as far as who’s going to take care of what I feel like this is a
good time to talk about I mentioned last summer I did some research I’m doing it
again right now with the five-week love and money curriculum and there’s lots of
activities we do to kind of address whose responsibility it is to do
different tasks and what that means from a financial perspective as well and
workaholics so maybe having one person specialized in the market work working
outside of the home totally fine but when does that become workaholism and
there’s huge negative ramifications of that on your spousal relationship and
also very negative effects on kids if that’s something you erode you want to
go down it’s this woman okay so different
conversations to have as it relates to this what’s gonna happen if down the
road you start working more probably is gonna happen you’re probably not working
that much right now maybe some of you are but what’s gonna happen when you
start working 40 or 50 or even 60 hours a week how does that shift what’s going
on in the household right now what if you both have to start working a lot
more hours what if this is short term or long term when are you gonna go on dates
like you used to go on when are you going to have the conversations that you
used to have when are you going to just be together as a couple
type of thing another thing to think about to post marriage is updating
accounts so look into discounts for married couples for current insurance
policies whether that’s car insurance maybe they will offer you better rates
for being married so that’s something to look into
are there duplications in your employment benefits so if you’re getting
married maybe a couple years down the road from college you might have
employee benefits from either job it’s important to compare those look at them
side-by-side and see you know maybe what’s what’s the most beneficial for
you as a couple whether that’s health insurance with one partners company or
the other I mean there’s those are good topics to have conversations to have
with each other to going forward and then change beneficiaries life insurance
policies retirement accounts nothing to think about whether that’s if your
beneficiaries are your parents now maybe you need to change those to your spouse
once you get married or before and then same thing with the employee benefits to
talk to your HR department wherever you begin working and they will be a good
point of reference there then determine if combining cell phone plans and other
memberships cetera would be benefit of beneficial for you to do together or
keep them separate another thing that’s just all about you know what do you want
personally do you want to change plans you know stay whatever’s easiest for you
guys and then record a name change if applicable so for us I think this was
probably the one that I didn’t like the most for sure it’s a hassle for the
other married couples in here I’m sure it was probably the same for you as well
you have to go to a bunch of different places to get social security cards
driver’s license different things so it’s not a thing to think about after
you get married or before start planning for that so it doesn’t kind of hit you
in the face with kind of being overwhelming once the time comes it’s a
little bit of a summary from what we talked about tonight I just know what’s
important to use have those conversations come up with goals on your
own and then together and just figure out what will it take to get there and
then yeah just play in those times accordingly just once a month like dr.
Luther said would be very appropriate if you start a budget it’s okay to monitor
it and adjust it as needed I think that’s what keeps a lot of people away
from starting a budget is they think once they get that on paper they have to
stick to that forever but that’s not the case at all you can adjust it week by
week if you want that’s that’s okay so that’s something that you can do
together as a couple and then compare current reports if you don’t know how to
do that is where to start or come in and talk with us
it’s very easy pull up your credit score credit karma
comm and then don’t hesitate to get help whether that’s Powercat or whether
that’s a therapist and like dr. looter there’s there’s other options out there
but it’s okay I’m just have those conversations with each other first and
then you’ll be more comfortable to go get help if needed and then lastly I
just wanted to state salt calm or salt money
org I’m sorry um k-state partners with them they offer a free subscription a
free membership to salt for all k-state students so while you’re here you can
sign up for free salt mana org slash k-state once you
graduate it will cost you and I think it is a great tool just to just have at
your disposal I want it’s free after graduation now too just at the same
length okay so that’s yeah so that’s important to know as well I I went in
and answered she probably can’t read it for just marriage articles it’s one
great tool that it offers is just they have in a database just full of articles
at your disposal so the first one how couples can stop arguing about money
why should you write a letter to your money so there’s different techniques on
what to talk about that sort of thing there’s other tools as well but yeah
explore explored that site and just build your profile on there and then as
Steven mentioned and Powercat is a free service for all k-state students it’s
based on your availability your times that you’re open so if you want a
scheduled appointment case study you slash Powercat financial you put in all
the times that work for you and then you get matched with the counselor like
myself so we’re here to help don’t feel you know a shame that you have to come
in and talk to someone it’s totally fine we see topics like budgeting credit
student loans employee benefits transitioning to work all sorts of
things so yeah we’re here for you so you have any questions for us I think that’s
it for us presentation um do we post that somewhere yep and the video will also be on there
as well I’ll start so I married a veterinarian many of you know there are
a financial life it is very dire they have on average a quarter-million
dollars in student loan debt that’s very true for our situation
so just figuring out how to navigate that and we have to plus almost three
kids and so I told you how much daycare is so it’s a lot of non-negotiable
expenses so how do you negotiate that I am still have time for fun yeah I think
for me just the figuring out what each of us value and having those
conversations and like I said like we’re both savers but we differ and how we are
savers so just the ability to have those conversations I think we’re still
definitely working on it but I think it goes back to their like the techniques
on how to have those conversations and the I feel statements I think were a big
one for us I think for me I use the but statement a lot so that’s something
that’s I think we have to continue to work on I mean maybe she can attest to
that I don’t know anything else yeah yeah my girlfriend is don’t get a
student but I’m in a loan can I come in with her or her me
if she’s good hey yeah he asked he’s not a student but his girlfriend happens to
be you can both come to Powercat financial so yep it’s definitely
possible yep thank you for being patient with us if
you’re shy and you want to ask a question come up and ask or still yeah thank you guys appreciate you coming

Michael Martin

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