Long lasting marriage advice (17 years married!) – The Love Bank

Today I want to introduce you to the
love bank. So I’m 41 years old and I’ve been
married for 17 years. My wife and I actually dated for six
years before that, so we’ve been together for 23 years.
I think one of the concepts about relationships that has helped us the
most is a concept called the love bank. And we learned about this when we were
either newlyweds or maybe even before we got married.
It’s been awhile, so I don’t remember.
But here’s what the love bank is. You have a bank inside you called the
love bank. And when people are kind to you,
when they treat you with respect, when they do nice things for you,
they make deposits in your love bank. And your love for them grows. So when your husband or wife makes
you dinner or takes you out to a movie or buys you something nice
or tells you you look good, they’re making deposits into your love bank. And when you do that for them,
you’re doing the same. And their love for you grows.
But if you’re critical of them. If you’re mean to them.
If you ignore them. If you spend more time with other people
than you do with them, you are making withdrawals in their love bank. And the reason relationships fail is
because one or both parties in the relationship make more withdrawals than
they do deposits. And you know what happens if you make
too many withdrawals from the bank. Your account goes negative.
And that’s when relationships start to break down is when you have one or two
people in a relationship who both have a negative account balance in their love bank. And so this concept has just helped me
so much, and my wife as well,
to always be thinking about how can I make deposits in my wife’s love bank? One thing that I do for my wife every day, is I tell her I love her every day.
I hug her every day. And I serve her.
I do the dishes every night after dinner and lots of other things.
But I have developed sort of a routine and a habit of I’ve figured out what my
wife loves and I try to actively do those things.
And I’m not saying I don’t make withdrawals because I know I do.
But after 17 years of marriage, being happily married,
I can say I’ve definitely made way more deposits than withdrawals.
So just take this love bank concept and apply it to your own life.
And think about how can I make more deposits of love into,
not just your partner or your husband or wife, but even to your friends, your family members,
people you care about. Make deposits into their love bank and
watch their love for you grow.

Michael Martin

28 Responses

  1. Congrats Chris to you and your beautiful wife and children. We are healing Chris because of this. Keep doing what your doing see you in Florida soon at the Annie Appleseed conference. Peace and blessings. Many, many more years of marriage. Peace blessings and love Chris.

  2. This is truly the perfect analogy! I taught my kids using a glass of water, filling and emptying it, as I gave them examples of " filling the loving cup"- but I think the Love Bank is even better! Wish I'd known about this then, Lol!😍

  3. Thank you for this video.
    May God continue to Bless you both ❀ For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Jeremiah 29:11-13

  4. On Dr. Greger's website it says most Gerson therapy isn't effective, many patients die and chemo is more effective. Whats up with that? https://nutritionfacts.org/topics/raw-food/

  5. WOW you do the dishes every night? Can you talk to my husband of 33 years? l.o.l. I think he's done the dishes maybe
    3 times in all these years. l.o.l.

  6. Wow! Interesting way to look at things. Deposits sounds like acts is service -one of the five love languages in Gary Chapmans' book The Five Love Languages. Great practical approach.

  7. Hi Chris and Micah! Congratulations guys! We've been following you for a long time! You've done SO much for our family! We love SQ1 and your new book! From a fellow bass player!

  8. May the Lord continue to bless you guys and your marriage, Chris! This is such a beautiful concept! I’ve been following your channel for years and this is one of my favorite videos you’ve put out there! Much love to you and your family! You’re a dear soul! πŸ’—

  9. This is a great concept! Unreal. By the way enjoying your book. I listen to it every day at work on audible. Recently had an aunt who passed away from a long battle with cancer. She made many bad lifestyle choices however although my aunt is gone I feel more inspired to learn the natural cures for cancer and spread that information to my family, friends, and all my loved ones.

  10. Thanks Chris! all the best to you & the family. The concept of love "banks" is further explained in a great book called the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. For me it was one of the books that finally made some real sense about how love & relationships work. Can't recommend it enough!

  11. Chris, this is very good advice that you are giving. Your wife is lucky to have you as her husband. I am sure that you are a wonderful husband to her.

  12. Congrats! I think I've heard about the Love Bank first from Steven Covey of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Blessings, Chris!

  13. Oh yes I saw a very old video on VHS that I got from the library,Β  and it was Dr. Barbara D'Angelis, she a book writer a marriage counselor. I like it saw much so I recorded in a DVD.

  14. Chris, thank you for communicating this loving concept of LOVE BANK. 🌞 😊
    I have never heard about it. I made it my principle to do good to others, to treat t h e m like I want to be treated, like the 'world' needs it in order to become a better, more peaceful, friendlier place for the n o t rich, the hard- working, the poor, the struggling … ( I leave out the environmental issue for the moment ).
    πŸ€” I have a 'story' not too pleasant – please, skip it, if you do not want to spoil your feelings. πŸ˜‰
    … An older ( in age ) friend said to me :" Weren't you just trying to b u y l o v e from XY with all the good you have been doing to them over the 7 years of your friendship with them?" I felt lousy hearing that. These 'friends' ( ' friends' – as it turned out 7 months ago) from the πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡¦ Ukraine here in Berlin speaking bad German were in such a bad situation and I ran into them as I speak Russian … I saw their misery and they begged me to help them … we became friends. They took … help, asked me again and again and got so u s e d to me supporting them constantly.
    In March this year that Swetlana became 😑 a n g r y when I showed reluctance to continue taking her by my car twice a week from one job to the other ( over a 4000 metre, one 1500 metre distance and suggested she could use the bike (from spring to autum) I gave her. She went 😑 furious and did not "allow" me to take her back to the city train station in the afternoon. I felt 😳😳😳😳 Then I ( finally) u n d e r s t o o d ….. the friendship ( over the 'borders' of two countries' traditions, history etc.) existed in my 'fantasy which was fed by their words and smiling faces.
    In reality I was just systematically exploited by them. They understood my Christian/philosophical principle and u s e d it, hiding their indifference … I felt so hurt which I told them. I withdrew but still had that flat contract for 'their' flat .
    In 2019 their 'situation' has improved and I will withdraw – quit the flat… they n o w c a n rent one themselves etc.etc. They tell me they want to continue our friendship. I keep silent, will give up "my" flat in a few weeks and then that's it.
    What made it hard for me to see the reality :
    My background : The πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡¦ Ukraine – in WW 2 the Fascists murdered 1.5 million Jewish Ukrainians, took young people to Germany to work for the Fascist economy, burned the Ukrainian land, plundered the civilians, shot =murdered partisans, destroyed the country.
    As a medical student my father in his summer holidays in those WW2 years had to serve in military hospitals, we guess, also in the Ukraine – He did n o t tell more than :"I tried to save / help a baby in the Ukraine".

    Why do I write that ? ( I hope it will not pull anyone down !!!!!) The bible says we should be good to others and NOT watch t h e m doing good to us in the same way. I followed that though sometimes an inner voice tried to reach my rational thinking. By the way : I do not regret how much I have helped, supported them, stood by their side always.

    My decision now : I will try to be more attentive with people's behaviour from the beginning on…. I mean there should be some consideration WHETHER persons deserve us paying into the LOVE BANK.

    Oh, that's long.πŸ˜‰

    Have a good day πŸŒ»πŸŒ±πŸ€

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