Is Casual Sex Bad for our SOUL? The ENTIRE Truth! | Katyusha

Michael Martin

9 Responses

  1. What a powerful subject! In my early 20s I would have casual sex. I was always under the influence of alcohol and it was more of a power act of "getting the guy" at the end of the night. I initially felt more attractive, but then horrible the day after. It's so ridiculous and embarrassing looking back now. I'm in a happy marriage with a happy child, but probably would not be here without the 5+ years of therapy I invested in as well as other personal development work. Thank you for speaking up about this!

  2. Since you already spoke so well to the enormous difficulty of disentangling feelings from sex (and I agree, and I don't think men can either, not without cost), I'd like to offer a view on how we got here, and a possible (difficult) solution. What you may be highlighting are the unintended sexual consequences of a general cultural-values fragmentation in the West. For the first time in history, there are three major systems of ethics/morality – the traditional (religious), modern (scientific), and postmodern ("spiritual-but-not-religious"). The issues you bring up can all be accounted for by these competing value systems, currently involved in a "not-so-cold-war" in western nations. People no longer discuss values openly because there are always two other competing value systems that you must tip-toe around (or else "woke culture warriors" will crucify you.. and WIN). And because women have always controlled the "sexual marketplace" (for example, in polygamous cultures, the older females nearly always controlled who was with whom), their collective behavior has always defined the value of sexual exchange (from actual transactions like prostitution to symbolic transactions like marriage). But because of the three competing value systems, and the lack of public discourse about that fact, we are reduced to our lowest common denominator (the only thing all three value systems agree on): female beauty and male lust are the only things we can discuss in terms of sexual value in any public way. Despite the many consequences that you point out – shattered families, alcoholism and addiction, and the massive distrust between the sexes – there's no courage to face the real issue: we can't agree on how to raise humans with sexual limits, other than "use the pill/a condom," which is no limit at all. This constitutes a threat to our species, threats that you correctly point out. And humanity usually responds to such global threats by evolving. Only an integral view that honors traditional constraints on sex, while allowing for a modern sexual autonomy AFTER ADULTHOOD has been reached (as opposed to the insanity of catering to/listening to the opinions of adolescents), and while acknowledging the postmodern value of exploring multiple ways of exploring sexuality (again, after adulthood, after you've learned to keep it in your pants)…only that integrated view will ever allow us to collectively respond to this very real threat to our species. Dissociated sex, polluted environments, international alienation and the resurgence of dictators – none of the difficult challenges that we face can be answered by the traditional alone, or the modern alone, or the postmodern alone; and none is more intimate and motivating an issue than our drive to have sex. RELIGIOUS LIMITS ON SEXUALITY DID NOT EMERGE IN A VACUUM. They were a response to the selfish, hurtful promiscuity of the tribal worldview that dominated humanity for hundreds of thousands of years. The constraints placed on human sexuality by these religious pioneers were successful in their endeavor to help their brothers and sisters live better lives. Monogamy, when all the empirical and anecdotal evidence has been weighed (including sexual satisfaction!), does appear to be the optimal way for most humans to live a healthy, fun, and fair sex life (fair to you and your partner). You can point to the "disasters" of taking those rules too far (e.g., "you'll go to hell if you masturbate"); or you can acknowledge that in the context of selfish sexual debauchery (a place to which we appear to have returned, lauded as "sexual freedom" by reckless Hollywood producers) some of those constraints are a good thing for all of us, even if they are sometimes the wrong thing for a handful of us.

  3. Hi – I love the way you analysed this. That the motivation behind the intention to have casual sex is what determines the effect is quite interesting.

  4. It is interesting how people of different ages look at this problem. Does their point of view change over the years?

  5. Totally agree! It's the intention behind why you do it. If you go into it with low self-esteem and wanting to feel "good" about yourself, you'll come out of it feeling worse or "empty". You'll just feed the perpetuating cycle of feeling worthless.

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