Iliza Shlesinger’s To Do List Before Your Wedding | Netflix Is A Joke


– Unpopular opinion,
actually popular opinion just unpopular publicly
declared sentiment. Getting married is not that much fun. (crowd cheers and applause)
You’re not allowed to say that, especially if you’re a woman, God forbid, over 30, like, well your just lucky that the Lord sent you someone. (crowd laughs) To put up with your shit. Kissing your dog on the
mouth, stop taking videos. (crowd laughs) There is a world where you can admit that something is difficult, but also love the byproduct of it. I love my husband, but the
wedding part is exhausting, it is a physical and mental
and financial, just gauntlet. Even down to the last
minute, the wedding itself, the whole year is exhausting planning it, it’s fun, you love your Mom (choking). (crowd laughs)
But it’s a whole thing. But even just the day of,
let’s talk about the day of, what happened on the day of
your wedding, girls? Right? You had to prepare for it,
like you woke up early, I just wanna greet the sun. (crowd laughs) Got up at like six, like
when your dad gets up. (crowd laughs) Up, right? What you meditated? I just wanna be centered, right? You worked out like it
matters day of, it doesn’t. It doesn’t, you’re not gonna
lose any weight at the buzzer. It’s not gonna (screams) no. (crowd laughs)
It’s never gonna happen. What did you do? You did your little workout, and then you got your make
up done and your nails and a massage, and a colonic
and a hyperbaric chamber and a hyperbolic chamber,
“oh cause then I’m amazing.” and who got a situation
room and a silence cone, and a shame corner, and a Reiki healing, and you went ghost hunting,
you did all these stuff. (crowd laughs) What did you husband
do on your wedding day? I’ll tell you, he woke up like whenever, went out to eat with his buddies, “Something tasty, doesn’t
matter if I’m fat, cause I’m a funny guy.” (crowd laughs) Who cares if it’s bloated? Right? Then he went and got a haircut on the day of the wedding,
are you kidding me? (crowd laughs) (screams) What faith you have in this barber? (crowd laughs) Went out, had a drink,
went home, jerked off, took a dump, who says you can’t
lose weight, right fellas? (crowd laughs) Who says you can’t lose weight the day of? (crowd laughs) Probably about 500 grams. (crowd laughs) He took a nap, he woke
up to an alarm labeled “Wedding for you?” “Wedding for you?” He barely made it. (crowd laughs)

Michael Martin

48 Responses

  1. Watch her interview on Rogan and see how deranged this woman is. She brags about going off on a guy outside a club because he came up to her and her friends asking for a light. She is bat shit luckily she looks good.

  2. I guess you have to be female and had at least one wedding to get her humor. Because I didn't find anything she said funny.

  3. Not funny…..just annoying.
    Not my cup of tea..
    Guess iam old fashion.
    But I did listen to the whole thing.
    Okay my review..if anyone cares

  4. I watched this last night…. Normally I am killing myself laughing at her stuff but I wasn't feeling this special….
    The constant screaming n woooping from the audience got on my whick!!!

  5. Marriage has no benefit for men what's so ever . Women initiate divorce 80%of the time so why bother???? This was funny tho.

  6. Tried to watch it with an open mind and idk but judging by the Like ratio Its probably just my sense of humor cause I didn’t laugh once💁🏽‍♂️

  7. When you can barely remember one joke from a whole special you just watched a minute ago… perhaps it’s just not that funny. Just sayin😏

  8. Those high-waisted pants, the gorgeous top, the heels, the high ponytail… Damn, she's gorgeous! I was waiting for the goat sound btw. 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁

  9. Why are people having on her? I think she's pretty Damn funny. She tells it like it is. I guess some of you have no sense of humor and need to get that stick outta your asshole

  10. If anybody (unsurprisingly male) didn’t find this funny, they certainly are entitled to their opinions. Oh, and they can fuck off too. Wonder what the ratio is…I said sarcastically.

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