I hate bachelor parties.



it was 11 a.m. in the morning and I had just finished setting up a tracking device to make sure another one of our endangered editors wouldn't fall victim to funhouse poaching track run on the desk and that's when it hit me I had intended to track Vicki's motion however I had placed the tracker on her desk therefore not Vikki are you serious yeah you spent a lot of time man Oh God choice that reminds me find a best man my fiance explained to me that I'm supposed to plan out my groomsmen which meant I couldn't fall back on my usual wait until the last minute then possibly not even do what I need to do at all and move on as if I was never going to do what I needed to do in the first place plan Zoe chose me to be the better my decisions all have statute of limitations of two days so obviously the next best choice is Hon dark Bret no that's what L said you boy dude right you don't want mr. clean it your way you're gonna blind if he is a bit old but I did tell him that he could be my phone I told Zack and I told how many people you tell man we tend to 15 you have not had sweet moments a lot of people you are not the type of person who has sweet moments with people so we could do pretty competition I think is healthy and it also decides who really wants it the most so let's figure out who wants it to be my best man the most you got it lumberjack what an asshole thing to say I was excited to see which of the boys would be the best possible man for the job up first was James sugar pine sevens camera guy and nothing more really this is gonna be sick I don't know what you dressed like that what better thing to just celebrate your manlihood gonna fire some guns like I think it's fun it's not exactly a great bachelor burger good exactly well help me up something cool story see if you have money right let the card off and let's just go you're talking you're talking so quietly minute to play – you're just talking even try and also there were a hundred all these guys are right here sorry I was trying to scam you at first I wasn't sure if the gun range was a good idea for a bachelor party but it was really cool meeting James McAvoy why are you ready I wasn't ready yeah you shouldn't put this right next your mouth what not about you know why'd you do that too if you need a hand is your bachelor party buddy don't you struggle alone they're the guys at the counter explained how to use this weapon but they weren't using buzzwords and couldn't keep my attention I couldn't get the gun to work what's wrong we don't know but I'm gonna try and save the girl dude what is wrong with you no man they've demolished the poor girl and I think I did a pretty good job these were misfires save the girl there's zombies everywhere here's me saving her good god I'd accidentally shot the poor girl in what seemed to be her mouth I was fed up with shooting women and wanted to move on to Kip's bachelor party I've known kid for years so I figured he'd have a much better idea of who I am as a person and the kind of party I'd want but for the first time I was wrong it's time to get yourself all ready to learn how to quit and just dominate your sexual energies welcome to the DOM cave Italia its mistress thorn I was pretty bummed out this looked like it wasn't gonna be fun at all and the thing that sucks the most about this is that I love having fun I'm not really into the whole like BDSM thing piggy you edited I know Count Chocula already brain well I could tell by the look on his face that this was going to be one of the worst experiences of my entire life right I said enter the dojo baby yourself just go through the motions here and you will love this it's gonna be the best bachelor party ever it's just a little taste of what's in store hey cher James come on No get on your knees put your hands on the chair ask to me who did then first do you like the idea no this is James's idea I gotta say it Kip if I threw 2 bachelor parties that means I'm the ultra best friend okay everybody shut the fuck up you're gonna keep showing how to do this you see this right here no he flinched your bitch I'm starting to regret a little bit of this idea just going like right into it maybe the idea man I thought I was gonna be the one doing the whipping whatever what are some command words you have command words give him a name and Colin by it pussy foreigner pussy foreigner on your knees okay is there a safe word there's a possibility that it will pass out and have a seizure why'd you pick that wig the wig came with the kid put the ball gag in your mouth I'm gonna tighten it all right here comes the first bank did that hurt okay I'm not feeling a thing I have more fun with it okay I'm gonna try and get you right in the foot hole wait wait wait yeah that's my Safe Work ring ring ring sorry get it on the cheek grant on first the woman I shot in the mouth and now I couldn't seem to hit anything besides Kim's butthole this wasn't working out at all like I'd hoped but then I remembered it's not about the bachelor party it's about who I connect with the most it's about our shared experiences our bonds a busy day that's fun I had a lot of fun for most of it didn't have that much fun I was a good shot you were shooting a target that was 12 inches away I don't think I have come to a conclusion yet on who should be my best man I'm so sorry you guys I know you guys really fought hard for it Nikki who do you think I should pick what's uh what's our best memory together James oh yeah that was very sweet you're sweet guy man what do you think we have a better memory I remember this fun what I admire most about Kip is his ability to not let outside forces affect his mood that just Bond's you for life forever as your weight actually yeah I was are you thinking number wait a minute do you remember weed it's fun it's fucked this is so fun juice yo oh that was doe that be glad to be there I think the important thing to learn is that our best memories as best friends with you are also best friends together I have a little brief memory to remember with you guys pretty sweet right yeah what does it tell you it's a trio that I want you guys both that's why meant to be my best men it's best boys best boys are the best boys that could ever be boys watch it that nut gonna tickle at first oh don't tickle it man stop Oh what the hell that was that dolphin ring quit show me to me show me the last more wing rollin more wind more wind now you sad sack your tree and your the wind oh no no no no no no just use your breath use the powers win

Michael Martin

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