How Men Fall In Love (Mat Boggs creator of Cracking The Man Code)


Hi there. Mat Boggs here with Project Everlasting
and Cracking the Man Code. This is video number three, and in today’s video we’re going
to be talking about how men fall in love and the one word you can use that actually facilitates
that process, helps us fall in love faster and it’s what I call the alchemy of sex
drive because how men fall in love is very, very, very different from how women fall in
love and it has to do with how we’re wired up.
So let’s take a quick glimpse into how a man’s brain is wired up. A man’s brain
is completely compartmentalized. It’s like a giant apartment complex and we have one
apartment for each thing in our life. We have one apartment for the money we make (our job),
we have one apartment for seeing, one apartment for hearing, one apartment for eating, one
apartment for our car, one apartment for you, a giant penthouse apartment for sex, an apartment
for sports. We have a little, mini studio apartment for our feelings. And the trick
is we can only be in one apartment at a time. They’ve done functional brain scans of men
while they’re reading the newspaper and the apartment that controls our hearing is
completely separate from the compartment that controls our vision. So when we’re in our
visual compartment, the compartment that controls hearing is totally blank – like dark. It’s
literally like we’re deaf when we’re trying to watch the TV or read a newspaper. Have
you ever tried to get a man’s attention when he’s watching sports center? Right
Highly difficult. So we can only be in one apartment at a time.
This is very, very different from a woman’s brain. A woman’s brain is completely connected,
okay? Where your job is connected to your car is connected to the money is connected
to how you feel about yourself is connected to your girlfriends is connected to your relationship
is connected to the clothes that you wear is connected to everything. Your connection
center – the corpus callosum right in between your right hemisphere and left hemisphere
– is bigger than a man’s. It’s up to 20% bigger than a man’s and it’s connected
to everything. There’s a great book title that says Men are Like Waffles, Woman are
Like Spaghetti. So your emotional area and your sexual area
are super connected. So often, in a relationship, you not only know – and this isn’t all
the time, but this is sometimes (and the majority of time) – women will know how they feel
about a man much sooner than a man will know how he feels about a woman because the area
that controls his sex drive is entirely on the opposite side of his brain from where
his emotions are, and the sexual area of his brain is huge and the emotional area is tiny.
It’s like saying the sexual area of his brain is Miami and the emotional area of his
brain is Seattle, right? Like that’s how far apart they are.
So I call this the law of Miami, because when a man meets you, typically he’s in the sexual
area of his brain, which is a good thing. It means he’s attracted to you. Men do not
marry women they’re not attracted to sexually, right? So this is a good thing. You want him
in Miami, so to speak. And I call this Mr. Miami. You know, he sees you and he’s like,
“Oh my goodness. Look at her. Look at her hair, look at her eyes. She is gorgeous.”
And let’s say this is a good guy, right? We can feel this guy and we push him down,
we say, “No.” And we come up, we try to meet you, we’re like, “Hey.” You know,
“My name’s Mat. What’s your name? Oh, where are you from?” And he comes in and
he says, “We do not care where she is from. We want her to know where we are from.”
You know, this guy has like these dueling forces inside him. He has this big sex drive
and then he also wants to be a good guy. So this brings me to the one word that allows
a man to fall in love with you because oftentimes (and depending on the man and depending on
his set of morals and whatnot), when he’s going out with you, there’s this sexual
energy. He’s wondering if he’s going to get some action. And that word that allows
him to fall in love is “no.” The word is “no.” And the word “no” is you’re
not going to sleep with him, you’re not going to give it up until he signs your contract.
Now what is your contract? And I’m borrowing that phrase from Dr. Pat Allen who’s brilliant.
The whole concept is genius. Your contract is what’s required to be with you before
you will sleep with him, right? The status of the relationship, right? What do you need
in this relationship mentally and emotionally before you will sleep with him. Do you want
to be married before you will sleep with him? You get to decide. These are your morals,
your values. This is your contract. You get to decide. Do you want to be married? Do you
want to be in a committed monogamous relationship? Or are you just out there to have fun, too?
But you need to communicate that to him before you jump in bed. When do you communicate that?
When you’re both vertical and clothed. You’ve got your clothes on.
Talk about what’s required because it’s going to be critical. Because what happens
is this: He takes you out, tries to hook up, you say no. Then he says, “Most girls say
no one time.” So he takes you out again, tries to hook up, you say no. He says, “Most
girls say no twice,” so he takes you out again. I don’t know how many times it takes,
but eventually he’ll come to this conclusion. Every man does. If a woman doesn’t give
it up, he’ll come to this conclusion and say, “You know what? If I hang out with
her again, I’m not going to get any action. So the only reason I’m going to hang out
with her is because I like her and I have an emotional connection with her and she’s
a cool chick. She’s a cool woman.” So, at that point, he will travel out of Miami
– out of his emotional apartment – and he’ll travel all the way to Seattle, right?
Which is where his emotional apartment is. So he’ll go from his sexual apartment, excuse
me, all the way to his emotional apartment and figure out how he feels, and for some
men that’s a long trip. For some men, they don’t check out Seattle very often. They’ll
go all the way to the other side of this apartment complex to that tiny studio apartment where
his emotions are and he’ll go through questions. He’ll say, you know, “Do I feel like a
man around her? Do I want to be with her? Do I have what it takes to make her happy?”
All those questions that we go through as men to decide, “How do I feel about this
woman and am I willing to give up all the other clubs in Miami in order to be with her?
So there is a tremendous amount of energy men have – that sexual energy.
We have about twenty times more testosterone than women do. Testosterone for both of us
is what drives our sex drive. This is why men want it more, typically. So that’s a
huge amount of force and energy that you’re using. By saying no, you’re saying, “Look,
you want some of this, than I need to have this contract signed. I want monogamy, I want
commitment, I want a deep emotional connection – not even emotional; mentally, spiritually,
I want to be connected with you.” That’s a lot of motivation that he has to deliver
that to you, and stating your want is also one of the sexiest things a woman can do.
One of the sexiest four-letter words a woman can speak is w-a-n-t, is want. Because that’s
providing a blueprint for us to be able to deliver to you something that will make you
happy. It triggers that in us. So a lot of women ask, “So when is it okay
to have this conversation?” Right? Usually it’s when he’s trying to get some action
from you because that’s when you can let him know, you know, what your status is and
what your contract is. Don’t worry about having this conversation because you’re
never going to scare away a guy who doesn’t want a commitment. If a guy is ready and he’s
there in his life and you say that you want, he’s like, “Okay.” But here’s the
nuance: State is as what you want, not necessarily as what you want with him. State it as what
you want in your life. The very first date I went on with my fiancée
– it was our first date – after dinner, we’re sitting in the car and she’s just
talking about her life and she’s talking about what she wants and I remember her saying
– she said, “You know, I am so tired of dating guys who just want to have fun and
are not serious and not looking for anything special because I really want something special.
I want something serious. I want to have something profound in my life.” And I remember looking
at her going, “I might be able to give that to you. I don’t know. I don’t know yet.
I don’t know if you’re the one yet but I might be able to do that because I kind
of feel like I’m in the same place in my life.” And it was so profound, and three
and a half years later I proposed and we’re getting married in August. So I can tell you
firsthand that this stuff works. So I hope you’ve enjoyed these three videos.
I hope they’ve enriched your life, and I encourage you to go out there and love openly,
live fully, and really shine your true, authentic self. This is Mat Boggs. We’ll talk soon.

Michael Martin

100 Responses

  1. Men then sound a bit like flies who have the capacity to manage multifaceted images and see everything multiplied by a hundred. However, he is also kind of generalizing like that other comedian lol

  2. Question….if you have been together almost 2 years and he says he really cares about you alot….but hasn't said love….are you just being dragged along or is he just struggling getting to emotions?

  3. Took four dates lol 😂 my husband is asleep next to me. Idk if it counts but also he tried when we were super young teenagers and it didn’t happen. We reconnected about 12 years later and had the four dates and yea we got married maybe five months later.

  4. Thanks Matt…I like your video it's enlightening…and you that same contract is same as mine so I just ticked everything you said✔✔✔✔✔💯

  5. Sexual attraction is everything with both men and women. 'love' is just made up BS to get the man to feed your kids only. It's through love that you get him to marry you and it's through hate that you get him to divorce you. Just like at Walmart.

  6. You know how men want to be the problem-solver? I feel like men can't seem to handle when women get sick, or stressed out, it's like they feel helpless, because they feel unable to fix the situation, and they take the anxiety out on the woman, because they feel like a failure. They don't seem to know how to just listen, be empathetic, be supportive, and encouraging. Maybe THEY need a video! Then again, two men even look up self-help things on YouTube? Seems like a girl thing me 😉

  7. Great information. This is all work done over last 50 years by Dr. Pat Allen. Her best selling book: Getting to I Do. When a man is in Seattle in his feelings mini apartment, ladies…. YOU MUST LEAVE HIM ALONE. DON'T CONTACT HIM FIRST. DON'T TEXT HIM. DON'T CALL HIM. LET HIM RUBBER BAND BACK TO YOU ON HIS TIME SCHEDULE. MAN'S BRAIN NEEDS TWO MONTHS OF NO SEX TO BE ABLE TO FALL IN LOVE. 60 DAYS. NOT 59 DAYS, NOT 45 DAYS, IT HAS TO BE 60 DAYS. NO SEX, NO BLOW JOBS, HAND JOBS ARE OKAY.
    .

  8. how do i know this in my current situation and how do i say no because he is hot af and he the sexual tension is amazing?

  9. Stop posting videos I have not uploaded or subscribed to. Please, your eating up data

  10. So all the science talk is great and all but let's put it where it is.. you either feel it OR YOU DON'T. I dont care how attractive someone is IF the chemistry isnt there, theres nothing.

  11. OMG you're so hot!
    And smart! And and and…oh.. swooning
    🙂 Anyways, thank you! From the very beginning, about that compartment comparison.. I absolutely love how you present the information!

  12. I beg to differ when it comes to him wanting it more. I want it numerous times a day regardless if I'm tired or not. JS. Lol

  13. Hi Mat. To have friends in the internet is a bit complicated for me, once I built a nice relationship with a man as friends and I have no attention to get deeper than that they all get mad and no more talking to me😢 what did i do wrong?!

  14. Lol his explanation of "Mr Miami" is hilarious.
    Ladies, as a 45 year old romantic Christian male, this guy's information is only useful in the "when to have sex" criteria. Except I'll add this: Girls, just say no to any direct sexual stimulation (or teasing) until you have a ring and an "I do". Don't be easy unless you just want to attract immature dirt bags.

    And dress attractively but modestly. He'll get to see your body at the beach or pool or gym and be dumbfounded.

    Most men will use you… don't be a fool. If he won't wait and marry your within 18 months… he's likely not gonna hang out for life. But when you get him…turn him on FULL throttle!

  15. If a guy doesnt get it from her….he will move on till he finds a woman that will give it up to him….been there.

  16. This sort of thinking does not give women much hope of having a true emotional connection with a man. Ladies, there are affectionate men out there. I found one after 22 years of being with one who was emotionally unavailable. If he can't get in touch with his feelings, he's only good for two things, bed and money. And there is so much more to life than that!

  17. This true, the more you are strong… u raise your standards and values the more the guy he is attractive to you
    Generally men like challenges and something hard to get.. if you are too easy u turn him off..

  18. What BS. He strung a woman along for 3-1/2 years and she's still his "fiancée." Sorry buddy, you still haven't committed.

  19. Such a stupid video! Seriously I don't know which planet you come from but sex is not the only thing men think about! Of course if a woman is hot a lot of men turn to her but it's different if a man is looking for a hook up or a life partner and your advice is only suitable for time pass relationship and fun but for nothing serious!

  20. WOW. I thought I knew about this topic, but apparently not even close! The brain science was interesting. I'd love to learn more about that. It makes things make more sense now.lol.Thank you.

  21. You are describing neandarthal men, I'm not interested un that type of as***le.
    And just for the record, women's sex appartmemt Is as big as men's. Women think about sex as much as men, only they don't say it.

  22. And through out that whole time he's fucking bitches on the side. So you as a woman should be doing the same.

    Get sex from one man and marry another 🙂

  23. Matt this has to be the best explanation and analogy of how men think I have ever heard! Totally makes sense now and will not ever feel guilty ever again saying NO!

  24. Oh, FFS… I know this is an old video, but still…

    "We have about 20x more testosterone than women do"

    Adult men have 7-8x more T than adult women. T's daily production is about 20x greater in men, but it's metabolism is much faster. Females are also more sensitive to the hormone.

    "little, mini studio apartment for our feelings."

    I think you mistook emotional reactivity with emotion expression. Repeating those outdated notions, that men aren't very emotional (especially when speaking about relationships and sex), will further psychologically repress good men and make evil men justify their wrongdoings.

    The main reason why men seem to have a more casual approach to sex is because they are less likely to get assaulted or contract STDs (anatomy) and because they don't get pregnant.

    Communicating that you want a real relationship before going to bed with someone doesn't do s..t if the person is focused ONLY on banging you.

    Getting to bed with a person on first date won't disqualify one as a long-term partner if the other party is open to a relationship and won't reject you for having the exact same approach to sex as they have.

  25. I had to STOP! Even though we talked & we had a brief time before I gave in because I was Weak. Now we have a Problem & now he wants to Know how we can work it out?

  26. I think it would be great to actually have some content on how to keep a relationship healthy with our partner!!! I was struggling with my boyfriend, but surprisingly we became even attached after i had a Love Spell done. You can contact the email directly (drphilipspelltemple @gmail. com) to get solutions that pertains your problem! I got results in 3days

  27. You are compartmenting and separating things as you said yourself men or some men do. Sexuality and emotions etc… are all part of us ( spagetti) and must be all at play and freely manifested from the get go. Supressing or devaluing masculinity or male sexual characteristic to get so called contract by women is nothing but blackmailing men over sex. Such upper hand seeking manipulative techniques can not be sustained on long time bases nor brings in any value.

  28. Don't give him sex until he's really involved and is in love with you. You must establish a emotional connection 1st! This could take 8 months to a year. If you give him sex and he's moving to fast and you sleep with him prematurely won't fall. He won't respect you thus eventually you will get dumped.

  29. Yes.. maybe.. but not if the man suffers from a personality disorder like narcissism that's a whole other type of man! That man will "fall in love" too easily for a whole other set of not so innocent reasons. Women beware and just be yourself, Love yourself, and you will attract the right one that way and the wrong ones will fall by the wayside!

  30. You made me laugh, very serious topic. Women your the prize and if he loves you he will commit and marry if this is what you want.

  31. What if the guy pretends to commit to you just to sleep with you? I've known men who are like perfect boyfriends only to be discovered they play the perfect boyfriend to 3-4 other gals.

  32. It’s a man mansplaining men. Any way, the corpus callosum myth was debunked 25 years ago…

    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/9353793/

  33. LOL…buddy, I don´t know what u are taking about. This whole content is absolutly wrong. For most of these wannabe scientific statements here are just wrong, these tipps and instructions are unbelievable false.
    God luck ladys.

  34. Thank you very much, you have been saving my love life. I have been learning from your lessons, I highly appreciate your priceless sharing.

  35. Now it makes sense. I thought that men fall in love just like women do. But we women are different than men in many ways whether our society likes it or not

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