it was just this constant lie in my head of what I had done how can you be pure do you know what you've done do you know what you did you know who you are and what these people say about you I struggled with the why I was here I was like God why am I here what do you want of me I am so dirty I am so ugly to you how could you love me it was that it really it really was that question of how could you love someone like me when I've done so many bad things like when we had a dis meditation on Mary of Magdalene her and I read the story of this woman who was dragged by her hair completely exposed before all these men Jesus is standing there and I'm like oh that's exactly how I feel long story short what day I went to Chapel Island who gets up here and he starts ranting and raving and he's all like there are so many one here they're ashamed but your future husband and wife is gonna think about you and locked into every word he was saying and he was talking about who how he hated ourselves and what we looked like and just like in our past and shame and I'm like okay cuz until this point I still felt like I was lying in the dirt dressed in rags like okay god I don't know what's going on but I'm here and I want you to meet me and I have to meet you or I'm just gonna lose it so I'm sitting there and I just he called me this name it was just like this whisper and it was Hephzibah what does have salami it means my delight is it her I was so plagued with fear and at that moment it was broken it was like the prodigal son returning home the old self died and the new came to life in Christ and I am raised to the benevolent places and I know now that there was no big thing that people called me they could stop me from loving God their words do not hold me down from the love of my heavenly bridegroom who desires me put this on earth we can rock it human me you

Michael Martin

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