Herman and Sharron – Dr. James Robert Ross, Wise Christian Counseling!


♪ MUSIC ♪ MUSIC ♪ MUSIC ♪ MUSIC ♪ MUSIC THANK YOU FOR CHOOSING CTN AND NOW, IT IS TIME WITH HERMAN AND SHARRON,>>LAUGHTER>>HERMAN: OH MY.>>GUEST: THAT WOULD SLOW DOWN THE DIVORCE RATE,>>SHARRON: OUR GUEST IS TELLING JOKES.>>WE HAVE GOT SOME GOOD JOKES, I WISH YOU COULD’VE HEARD IT, I LOVE YOU AND THAT WOULD BE MY WIFE RIGHT THERE.>>SHARRON: WE ALREADY KNOW THAT I AM SHARRON.>>HERMAN: AND WE SPELL HER NAME “SHA-RR-ON”. AND SHE GOT THAT ON HER BIRTH CERTIFICATE AND SHE DISCOVERED IT, AND SHE HAS TWO R’S IN HER NAME. AND YOU WERE JUST SAYING SHA-R-ON WITH ONE “R”.>>WHY DO YOU GO AROUND WITH THIS?>>I THOUGHT THEY MIGHT WANT TO KNOW THIS.>>SHARRON: AND I DO NOT THINK THEY CARE.>>HERMAN: YES THEY DO AND THEY REALLY CARE ABOUT YOU.>>SHARRON: AND THEY’LL BE CARING ABOUT OUR GUEST TODAY.>>HERMAN: AND WE COULD DO THIS IN THE EVENING.>>SHARRON: THIS WOULD BE IN THE MORNING.>>HERMAN: OKAY, IF YOU’RE WATCHING IN THE EVENING AND YOU CAN PRETEND THAT WOULD BE THE MORNING. MY MARRIAGE MANUAL, THE FACT, I READ, THE NEW REVISED EDITION, FOR THOSE OF YOU ONLINE, AND THIS IS ON THE WEBSITE, YOU CAN ORDER YOUR BOOK. THIS BOOK, AND I’M NOT KIDDING YOU. AND GOING THROUGH THE BOOK AND READING THE BOOK. I COULD NOT COVER IN ONE WEEK OF SHOWS, EVEN CLOSE TO WHAT THE BOOK HAS AND WHAT IT COVERS ABOUT MARRIAGE. THIS IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING.>>SHARRON: WHAT I KNOW ALREADY, OUR GUEST HE HAS GOT A GOOD HUMOR, AND YOU NEED THAT IN A MARRIAGE. YOU NEED TO HAVE A LOT OF HUMOR TO GET ALONG.>>HERMAN: I MUST TELL YOU, AND WHILE DAVID TAKES THE SHOT OF DOCTOR BOB ROSS. THERE HE IS RIGHT THERE. HE IS SO EDUCATED I LET ME SHARE SOME OF THE STUFF. HE HAS A DEGREE FROM SOUTHEASTERN LOUISIANA UNIVERSITY, HE HAS GOT A MASTERS DEGREE FROM COLUMBIA THEOLOGICAL SEMINARY. HE HAS A PHD FROM EMORY UNIVERSITY. AND ON AND ON IT GOES, AND BY THE WAY, HE IS GOING TO BE ON THE PROGRAM FOR ABOUT, ONE HALF HOUR, JUST TO GIVE YOU ONE IDEA. IF YOU GO IN FOR COUNSELING, $90 PER HOUR.>>SHARRON: SO THEY GET SOME REALLY GOOD STUFF.>>HERMAN: AND THEY ARE GETTING THIS ON LIVE TELEVISION. THIS IS SO GOOD TO HAVE YOU.>>GUEST: THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.>>HERMAN: THIS MAN, NOW GET A CLOSE-UP SHOT OF HIM, AND HE IS 82, HE WALKS LIKE A MAN ABOUT 40. YOU HAVE BEEN MARRIED NOW, FOR HOW LONG?>>GUEST: 62 YEARS. I GOT MARRIED BEFORE I KNEW WHAT I WAS DOING.>>SHARRON: SO YOU HAVE THE EXPERIENCE?>>GUEST: I HAVE SOME EXPERIENCE.>>HERMAN: AND HOW MANY KIDS?>>GUEST: THREE CHILDREN, AND NINE GRANDCHILDREN. AND MANY GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN. I HAVE THREE GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN.>>SHARRON: GOOD FOR YOU WE ARE WAITING FOR THE FIRST ONE.>>GUEST: NOW WAIT– AND I’VE GOT 4, AND WE JUST HAD THE FOURTH ONE.>>SHARRON: YES, CONGRATULATIONS.>>GUEST: THEY COME FAST AND FURIOUSLY. AND WE WANT TO GET STARTED.>>HERMAN: AND WHERE DID YOU MEET YOUR WIFE? 62 YEARS AGO?>>GUEST: WE MET AT BIBLE COLLEGE AND LOUISVILLE KENTUCKY. THAT WOULD BE A GOOD PLACE.>>GUEST: AND I WAS RAISED IN KENTUCKY AND CAMPBELLSVILLE. AND SO, YOU MET THERE AND LOUISVILLE?>>GUEST: THAT WAS LOUISVILLE, YES.>>HERMAN: AND DID YOU SPOT HER? DID SHE SPOT YOU?>>GUEST: WELL, I THINK YOU KNOW, I WAS MAYBE LOOKING AROUND, AND THERE SHE WAS, THE PRETTIEST GIRL IN THE SCHOOL.>>HERMAN: SO YOU ARE GOING TO A BIBLE SCHOOL?>>GUEST: IT WAS A BIBLE COLLEGE, AT THAT TIME THAT WAS CALLED, THE KENTUCKY BIBLE COLLEGE, AND THEY CHANGED THE NAME TO SOUTHEASTERN CHRISTIAN COLLEGE. IT WAS A TWO-YEAR SCHOOL.>>HERMAN: AND SO, AND YOU WANT TO BE WHAT? AND WITH ALL OF YOUR DEGREES NOW, IT WOULD BE LIKE, YOU WOULD’VE GONE TO YALE OR MAYBE SOMEPLACE LIKE THAT?>>GUEST: WELL, THAT WOULD BE A LONG STORY HOW I WOUND UP THERE, IT WAS THROUGH THE PROVIDENCE OF GOD. GETTING OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL, I HAD MY THOUGHT THAT I WOULD BEGIN ENGINEER, I WAS THE FIRST ONE, OF FIVE, I GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE. AND SO, BEING EDUCATED WAS NOT A FAMILY TRADITION AT MY HOME, BUT I LOVE SCIENCE. AND I DID VERY WELL IN HIGH SCHOOL AND I THOUGHT I WOULD BEGIN ENGINEER. I DID NOT KNOW A LOT ABOUT IT BUT IT SOUNDED GOOD. I CONNECTED WITH SCIENCE. IN THE SUMMER BEFORE I WENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF TENNESSEE AT KNOXVILLE, I WAS CONVICTED TO GO TO A LITTLE BIBLE COLLEGE FOR SOME REASON, I DO NOT KNOW WHY. I CANNOT EXPLAIN IT. BUT I’D HEARD ABOUT A LITTLE SCHOOL. AND GOD TOUCHED MY HEART THIS IS WHERE I WOUND UP.>>HERMAN: AND DID THIS HELP YOU FROM THEN ON?>>GUEST: IT DID VERY MUCH.>>SHARRON: AND I GUESS SO YOU MET YOUR WIFE THERE.>>GUEST: AND I REALLY CAME TO UNDERSTAND THE MEANING OF THE GOSPEL, AND THE MEANING OF THE GRACE OF GOD AND WHAT THAT MEANS TO KNOW CHRIST.>>HERMAN: WAS THAT A DISCIPLE OF CHRIST SCHOOL?>>GUEST: NO, THAT WAS CONNECTED WITH THE CHURCHES OF CHRIST CALLED THE NONE-INSTRUMENTS.>>HERMAN: AND HOW MANY INSTRUMENTS WE HAVE? NAMES? AND WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS.>>GUEST: WELL.>>HERMAN: YOU SAY MARRIAGE IS IN DECLINE AROUND THE WORLD? BUT WHY?>>GUEST: WHY?I AM NOT SURE WHY BUT IT IS, THERE ARE FEWER PEOPLE GETTING MARRIED.>>HERMAN: SO BASICALLY THEY SAY, WE CAN LIVE TOGETHER, I DO NOT NEED THE PAPER TO PROVE IT. IS THAT WHAT THEY SAY?>>GUEST: THEY SAY THAT, RIGHT. BUT WHAT DO YOU SAY? THE PAPER, THAT IS TRUE, IT IS NOT THAT IMPORTANT BUT WHAT WOULD BE IMPORTANT AND WHAT THAT STANDS FOR AND THAT WOULD BE IT STANDS FOR THIS TYPE OF COMMITMENT. THAT ONE MAKES IN A MARRIAGE, AND THE PROMISES YOU MAKE THE VOWS YOU TAKE, YOU TAKE IT SERIOUSLY. YOU LOVE FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE UNTIL DEATH DO US PART. THIS IS WHAT IS IMPORTANT. AND– AND WHAT WOULD BE SO BAD ABOUT OF THE DECLINE IN MARRIAGE WOULD BE, THAT PEOPLE THAT COHABITATE, THEY BREAK UP EVEN MORE QUICKLY THAN THOSE WHO DIVORCE. THE DIVORCE RATE WOULD BE ABOUT 50%.>>HERMAN: THAT WOULD BE IN THE CHURCHES?>>GUEST: I AM AFRAID SO, AND YES, THAT INCLUDES THE CHURCHES. AND THERE ARE THOSE WHO COHABITATE AND THEY BREAK UP EVEN MORE QUICKLY. AND THEY ARE THE ONES WHO SUFFER AND THAT WOULD BE THE CHILDREN. AND THIS IS WHY ONE COUPLE SAID THEY WOULD WAIT UNTIL THE CHILDREN DIED.>>SHARRON: LAUGHTER.>>HERMAN: AND THE REST OF THE STORY HOW LONG WITH MARY?>>GUEST: 75 YEARS. AND THEY HAD TO WAIT A LONG TIME.>>HERMAN: BEFORE THEY COULD GET THE DIVORCE, AND THEY HAD TO WAIT FOR THE KIDS TO DIE, OKAY? AND YOU SAY IN THE BOOK MEN AND WOMEN THEY ARE DIFFERENT. OKAY?>>GUEST: DID I SAY THAT?>>HERMAN: YES, YOU DID AND THEY ARE DIFFERENT. THE WOMEN SEE MARRIAGE HOW?>>GUEST:>>HERMAN: AND YOU TALK ABOUT THAT ON PAGE 20.>>GUEST: AND I MIGHT HAVE TO DO THAT. AND WHAT DID I SAY? AND WOMEN PERCEIVE THE MARRIAGE DIFFERENTLY?>>HERMAN: AND I CAN GO THERE AND I READ THIS, ON RIGHT NOW HERE WE GO.>>GUEST: THIS HAS BEEN A WHILE SINCE I READ MY OWN BOOK.>>HERMAN: OKAY. THIS IS WHERE YOU SAY, AND I WANTED TO MARK THIS, AND THIS IS WHERE YOU HAVE SAID THIS, MEN AND WOMEN– THEY DIFFER.>>GUEST: AND THE WOMAN SEES THE MARRIAGE AS A STRUCTURE WHERE SHE IS SECURE.>>HERMAN: ALL RIGHT STOP THERE.>>GUEST: AND THAT WOULD PRODUCE OFFSPRING.>>HERMAN: AND YOU SAY THE MEN SEE A MARRIAGE BUT HOW?>>GUEST: WELL, THEY TEND TO SEE THE MARRIAGE, LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY, BACK IN 1952 WHEN I GOT MARRIED. I FELL IN LOVE WITH A LOVELY COED AT KENTUCKY BIBLE COLLEGE. AND I WANTED TO SLEEP WITH HER AND I WANTED TO GO TO BED WITH HER SO BADLY.>>HERMAN: WITHOUT THE BENEFIT OF MARRIAGE?>>GUEST: I JUST WANTED TO GET TO BED. BUT I HAD TO BE MARRIED. THAT WOULD BE THE ONLY WAY THAT YOU WOULD GO TO A BED WITH A WOMAN IN 1952.>>SHARRON: IT EXACTLY RIGHT.>>GUEST: THAT HAD SO MUCH TO DO, AND I’M SURE THAT WOULD BE THE MAIN THING.>>HERMAN: SO YOU KNOW, AND YOU DID NOT GET A MESSAGE FROM GOD BUT YOU GOT A MESSAGE FROM YOUR BODY?>>GUEST: THAT WOULD BE TRUE, THAT THOSE HORMONES THAT ARE WORKING AND THEY DRIVE ME TO COPULATE AND BE HONEST AND THAT WOULD BE FROM GOD AND A GIFT, THAT IS NOT THE DEVIL. THE DRIVE TO REPRODUCE. ONE OF THE CURSES FROM THE WESTERN WORLD TODAY WOULD BE NOT ENOUGH CHILDREN ARE BEING PRODUCED.>>HERMAN: AND ESPECIALLY IN CHINA.>>GUEST: AND ALSO IN ASIA, AND I SAY THE WESTERN WORLD AND THAT WOULD BE A BIG PROBLEM IN EUROPE. AND IMMIGRATION HELPS THEM. AND THEY HAVE MORE KIDS. THAT WOULD BE THE FIRST COMMANDMENT OF THE BIBLE. TO MULTIPLY.>>HERMAN: THAT IS HOW WE GOT HERE.>>GUEST: THAT IS THE FIRST THING GOD SAID TO ADAM AND EVE. SO, YES, AND THAT WOULD BE THE DRIVE, AND I THINK FOR SOME WOMEN, MARRIAGE IT PROVIDES THE SAFETY. THEY ALSO HAVE THE NEED TO UNITE WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX, BUT I THINK THEY FEEL MORE OF THE NEED FOR THE SAFE SECURE ENVIRONMENT. AND THAT PUTS A FENCE AROUND THEM AND SO THAT THE SEX WOULD NOT BE DESTRUCTIVE.>>HERMAN: SO THE MAN SEES THE MARRIAGE, SEXUALLY?>>GUEST: I BELIEVE SO YES>>SHARRON: AND THIS IS WHY THE MARRIAGE IS BREAKING DOWN RIGHT NOW.>>GUEST: AND UNLESS THE MAN LEARNS, AND UNLESS HE COULD LEARN TO BE COMMITTED. AND I UNDERSTOOD AND I KNEW THIS, AND WHEN I GOT MARRIED I WOULD BE COMMITTED TO THE WOMAN. YOU KNOW AND I KNEW THAT. AND THIS IS THE WAY I WAS RAISED, AND I KNEW THAT, FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE AND YOU HAD TO TAKE IT SERIOUSLY. AND I DO NOT KNOW THAT WOULD BE ON MY MIND AND WHEN YOU GET MARRIED, AND THEY SAY FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE AND YOU DON’T THINK ABOUT HOW BAD IT COULD BE. YOU DON’T THINK ABOUT IT.>>HERMAN: HOW BAD DID HE GET?>>GUEST: WE HAD SOME TOUGH TIMES, AND WE HAD SOME ROUGH PLACES IN HARD TIMES.>>HERMAN: BUT YOU STAYED TOGETHER?>>GUEST: YES WE STATED TOGETHER AND FINALLY, I LEARNED HOW TO BE MARRIED, IT TOOK ME 40 YEARS AFTER THE FIRST 50 YEARS WERE THE HARDEST, THAT WOULD BE THE HARDEST. IT TOOK ME A LONG TIME. I THINK IT IS POSSIBLE TO DO MARRIAGE MUCH MORE QUICKLY. I WAS VERY STUBBORN AND INSENSITIVE, I KNEW THE WORD OF THE BIBLE, TO LOVE YOUR WIFE LIKE YOURSELF, AND CHRIST LOVES THE CHURCH. BUT I HAD SO MUCH AND I HAD SO MUCH GROWING TO DO.>>SHARRON: AND WHAT WOULD BE ONE OF THE BIGGEST PROBLEMS THAT COUPLES FACE TODAY? IN MARRIAGE?>>GUEST: WELL, THE FUNDAMENTAL ISSUE WOULD BE AND WHAT CAUSES THE CONFLICT IN MARRIAGE, IS THE FACT AS WE GET MARRIED, WE WANT A SAFE CLOSE RELATIONSHIP AND SOMEONE TO TRUST WHO COULD RECEIVE US AS WE ARE. BUT INEVITABLY AS DIFFERENCES ARISE, AND THEY WILL, THERE ARE NO TWO PEOPLE UNLESS THAT WOULD BE CLONES, AND THEY ARE NOT THE SAME OTHERWISE WE ARE DIFFERENT, IN THE CONFLICTS. AND THEN WE BEGIN TO WONDER WHAT THIS PERSON AND DO THEY REALLY CARE ABOUT ME? AND THE WAY WE SEE THIS, AND WE SEE THIS IN A DEFENSIVE MANNER. AND WE BEGIN TO ARGUE AND WE BEGIN TO WITHDRAW. AND WHAT WE REALLY ARGUE ABOUT, AND WHAT THE CONFLICT IS ALL ABOUT, I FEEL THREATENED THAT THE RELATIONSHIP THAT WOULD BE SO IMPORTANT TO ME, I BELIEVE WE ARE AT RISK. THIS PERSON IS NOT THERE FOR ME IN THE WAY I NEED THEM TO BE. THIS WOULD BE THE FUNDAMENTAL ISSUE OF MARRIAGE. IT MUST BE RESOLVED AT WORK OUT. I BELIEVE, A SPIRITUAL AND EMOTIONAL MATURITY, IS ONE OF THE PRIMARY REQUIREMENTS. IT IS HOW WE LEARN TO DEAL WITH THIS FRICTION AND THE CONFLICT. IF YOU’RE NOT GROWN-UP WHEN YOU GET MARRIED, YOU HAVE TO GROW UP QUICKLY OR THERE WOULD BE TROUBLE.>>HERMAN: YOU SAY ON PAGE 33, IN CASE YOU WANT TO GET IT, ABOUT INTIMACY. ME AND MY HUSBAND HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AFRAID OF THE STRANGER IN EACH OTHER. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?>>GUEST: WELL, THE STRANGER IN THAT OTHER PERSON, IT WOULD BE THE PART OF ME THAT I DO NOT LIKE. AND WE WILL FIND THAT PERSON IN THE PERSON THAT WE MARRY. WE WILL FIND THAT PERSON, AND OUR FIND WHAT I DO NOT LIKE ABOUT ME, AND MAYBE I DON’T FEEL COMFORTABLE. PEOPLE SAY THAT WOULD BE OUR SHADOW SELF. WE HAVE A PRIMARY WAY OF PRESENTING OURSELVES, SOME PEOPLE ARE QUIET, SOME ARE SOFT-SPOKEN AND SOME ARE BRUSQUE AND THEY COULD BE ASSERTIVE. AND WE TEND TO MARRY, YOU’VE HEARD THE SAYING, WE WILL MARRY THE OPPOSITE, YOU KNOW? THAT WOULD BE THE SHADOW SOMEBODY OPPOSITE THAT I MARRIED, THAT IS A PART OF ME THAT I HAVE NOT OWNED, I DON’T FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH IT. AND I NEED TO, AND I NEED TO BE ACQUAINTED WITH ME.>>SHARRON: THAT WOULD BE VERY INTERESTING.>>HERMAN: SO THE INTIMACY, IT COULD BECOME THAT COULD BE A PROBLEM? AND BECAUSE OF THAT?>>GUEST: AND I COULD BEGIN TO FIGHT THAT PART OF ME, YOU SEE, A GIRL MARRIES A GUY BECAUSE HE WOULD BE THE STRONG SILENT TYPE AND SHE LIKES THAT, AND SHE IS SO VIVACIOUS AND THE LIFE OF THE PARTY SO HE LIKES HER. BUT MAYBE FIVE OR SIX YEARS HE GETS TIRED OF HER TALKING SO MUCH, AND SHE GETS TIRED OF HIM NOT TALKING AND THEY BEGIN TO FIGHT OVER IT. THE VERY THING THAT ATTRACTED THEM TO ONE ANOTHER, IS THE THING THEY BEGIN TO FIGHT ABOUT.>>HERMAN: YOU WILL SAY, THAT MARRIAGE IS A PERPETUAL PROCESS OF NEGOTIATING?>>GUEST: BECAUSE OF THE DIFFERENCES THAT WE HAVE. AND I DO NOT KNOW IF I COULD WANT TO SAY, THERE IS AN AUTHORITY THAT WOULD STUDY THESE THINGS OUT, STATISTICALLY AND HE SAYS, 66% OF THE DIFFERENCES IN A MARRIAGE ARE NOT RECONCILABLE.>>SHARRON: WHAT?>>GUEST: 66% ABOUT TWO THIRDS OF THE PROBLEMS CANNOT BE RECONCILED. AND THAT WOULD BE BECAUSE AND IT MEANS, LET’S TALK ABOUT THE TEMPERATURE OF YOUR HOME. AND DO YOU LIKE THE TEMPERATURE AT 70, AND DOES YOUR WIFE LIKE IT LIKE YOU LIKE IT?>>SHARRON:>>HERMAN: SHE IS HOT AND I’M COLD.>>GUEST: AND THAT CANNOT BE RECONCILED. UNLESS SOMETHING HAPPENS.>>SHARRON: AND HE LIKES IT, AND HE WOULD LIKE THIS TO BE AT 70.>>HERMAN: BUT WHAT I PUT IT AT?.>>GUEST: 73 AND I WOULD LIKE THAT TO BE 75 AND WE PUT IN THE MIDDLE.>>HERMAN:>>GUEST: SO YOU CAN DO THAT IN THE MIDDLE, BUT EACH ONE OF YOU GIVES UP SOMETHING.>>HERMAN: OH, YEAH THE NEGOTIATION. AND THAT WOULD BE THAT NEGOTIATION>>GUEST: AND YOU COULD GIVE IT UP, AND YOU REALLY ANOTHER RECONCILING THAT DIFFERENCES,>>SHARRON: YOU CAN BE RESENTFUL.>>GUEST: YOU KNOW, THE WAY THAT YOUR BODY TEMPERATURE MIGHT WORK.>>HERMAN: SHE HAS MANY BLANKETS.>>GUEST: THERE YOU GO. YOU ARE STILL DIFFERENT. AND WHAT TYPE OF FOOD DO YOU LIKE? MAYBE SHE LIKES FISH AND YOU LIKE BEEF. YOU COULD GO TO A RESTAURANT, AND MAYBE YOU COULD GO AND ORDER DIFFERENT THINGS. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE.>>HERMAN: WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 57 YEARS AND WE FIGURED OUT.>>GUEST: WE CAN LIVE WITH IT, WITHOUT FEELING THAT YOU ARE THREATENED.>>HERMAN: IN THE EARLY YEARS EVERYTHING WOULD BE VERY TRAUMATIC, AND THE LATER YEARS, YOU MAY GO, THAT WOULD BE NO BIG DEAL. SO YOU GO WITH LIFE.>>GUEST: YOU HAVE IT. YOU GOT IT.>>HERMAN: YOU WILL SAY, PAGE 39, AND MAYBE WANT TO GET THE BOOK. AND I WANT TO SEE THIS BOOK. AND I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW. YOU WILL SAY, WHEN MEN AND WOMEN HAVE THE FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT, AND THIS IS SO GREAT, THE LOVE, THE JOY, THE PEACE, THE PATIENCE, THE KINDNESS, THE GOODNESS, THE FAITHFULNESS, THE GOODNESS. THE SELF-CONTROL. AND YOU CAN HAVE, YOU CAN WORK YOU COULD WORK TOGETHER AS LONG AS YOU ARE MARRIED FOR 62 YEARS. WHEN YOU HAVE ALL OF THAT GOING ON.>>GUEST: YOU CAN TAKE I BELIEVE THIS AND YOU CAN TAKE ANY MAN, WHO MIGHT BEAR THE FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT OR ANY WOMAN THAT WOULD BEAR THE FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT, EVEN IF THEY HAVE NEVER MET BEFORE, MAYBE WHEREVER THEY WOULD COME FROM, AND WHAT THEY WOULD BE LIKE, IF THEY EACH ARE FILLED WITH THE SPIRIT, AND THEY WOULD BE MARRIED, THEY COULD HAVE A VERY HAPPY MARRIAGE.>>SHARRON: WOW>>GUEST: THAT IS MY BELIEF.>>HERMAN: AND IN YOUR MARRIAGE, HAVE YOU HANDLE ANYTHING, AND HAVE YOU HANDLED ANY CHANGES IN THE EACH OF YOU THAT IS BEEN TRAUMATIC?>>GUEST: THE PHYSICAL CHANGES?>>HERMAN: AND I MEAN HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD HEALTH?>>GUEST: YES, MY WIFE WOULD BE 83, AND SHE IS 11 MONTHS OLDER THAN ME, AND BETWEEN US, AND WHAT WOULD BE 82 AND 83? 165? AND BETWEEN US, WE HAVE GOT 165 YEARS WITH NO TIME IN THE HOSPITAL.>>SHARRON: MY GOODNESS, THAT SUCH A BLESSING>>GUEST: PRAISE GOD.>>HERMAN: DO YOU SMOKING DO YOU DRINK?>>GUEST: A LITTLE BIT OF BOTH. NOT TO EXCESS>>SHARRON: LAUGHTER>>HERMAN: AND WE TRY TO CARE FOR OURSELVES. AND WE DO NOT EXERCISE OR TAKE VITAMINS BUT WE NEVER GO TO THE DOCTOR.>>GUEST: I DO EXERCISE AND I AM ACTIVE AND MY WIFE DOES NOT EXERCISE AND WE HAVE HAD GOOD HEALTH THE BOTH OF US.>>HERMAN: SO, YOU ARE IN A GENETIC POOL THAT WOULD BE PRETTY GOOD?>>GUEST: AND YES AND WE WERE SO CAREFUL TO PICK OUT THE RIGHT PARENTS BEFORE WE WERE BORN.>>HERMAN: THIS WOULD BE MY SELECTION RIGHT HERE. YOU WILL SAY, HERE, THE PERSONS, THEY WOULD BE DEPENDING UPON THE PARTNER, FOR VALIDATION? SO WHEN YOU’RE COUNSELING, YOU MUST GET A LOT OF THAT?>>GUEST: AND THAT CAN CAUSE A PROBLEM TO DEPEND UPON YOUR PARTNER, TO VALIDATE YOU, AND YOUR WORTH, AS A PERSON OUR WORTH WOULD BE NOT FROM SOMEBODY LIKING US OR APPROVING OF US. IT COMES FROM THE FACT THAT WE ARE THE CHILDREN OF GOD. AND WE COULD BE REDEEMED BY THE SON OF GOD. THIS PROVES OUR VALUE. THAT WE ARE PURCHASED NOT WITH GOLD OR SILVER, BUT BY THE PRECIOUS BLOOD OF THE SON. AND IF MY WIFE WOULD NOT BE HAPPY WITH ME THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT I AM LOSING MY WORTH, I NEED TO EXAMINE MYSELF. AND I NEED TO ASK MYSELF HAVE I DONE SOMETHING UNLOVING OR UNKIND? THAT COULD CONTRIBUTE TO OUR UNHAPPINESS? AND I NEED TO CHANGE THAT. BECAUSE I’D BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE. AND THE WAY THAT I TREATED. AND SOMETIMES I ASKED PEOPLE AND WHEN YOU GET MARRIED, DO YOU PROMISE TO KEEP HER SPOUSE HAPPY? AND I’M ASKING YOU. SHARRON? AND DO YOU PROMISE AND WE GOT MARRIED, AND WHEN YOU TOOK YOUR VOWS, DID YOU PROMISE TO STAY HAPPY?>>I’M SURE I THOUGHT, I THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE MY JOB. AND I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT>>GUEST: AND A PREACHER DID NOT ASK YOU AND HE SAID YOU SHOULD PROMISE TO LOVE.>>HERMAN: IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH?>>GUEST: AND MAKING SOMEBODY HAPPY IS NOT THE SAME AS LOVE>>SHARRON: YOU CANNOT MAKE SOMEBODY HAPPY.>>HERMAN:>>GUEST: AND THAT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY, AND JESUS DID NOT MAKE EVERYBODY HAPPY AND HE MADE SOME PEOPLE VERY UNHAPPY. AND HE WAS CERTAINLY FULL OF LOVE FOR EVERYBODY. AND THIS WOULD BE, AND THAT GOES BACK TO THE SENSE OF VALIDATION AND I’M JUST VALIDATED IF YOU WOULD BE HAPPY WITH ME. NO, THAT CAN LEAD TO SO MANY PROBLEMS. I WAS READING A BOOK AND WHEN I STARTED MY MARRIAGE COUNSELING,ABOUT SEVEN, MAYBE SEVEN OR NINE MYTHS ABOUT MARRIAGE, AND I HAD FORGOT OF THE OTHERS AND IT WAS THE MYTH,THAT YOU HAVE ABOUT MARRIAGE IF YOU CAN TELL YOUR SPOUSE TO GO–TO H–THAT WOULD BE THE WORD THEY USED AND THIS WOULD BE A CHRISTIAN PROGRAM, AND BASICALLY SAYS, IT WOULD BE A MYTH AND YOU MIGHT SAY NO TO YOUR PARTNER AND THE TRUTH WOULD BE, THE ONLY WAY TO HAVE A GOOD MARRIAGE IS TO BE ABLE TO SAY NO. IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU SHOULD ALWAYS SAY NO, AND HOPEFULLY YOU GIVE. BUT YOU MUST HAVE SOMEONE TO HELP YOU KNOW YOUR LIMITS AND YOU CAN SAY NO I CANNOT DO THAT.>>HERMAN: AND YOU HAVE THE PERMISSION TO SAY NO?>>GUEST: AND WHETHER YOU HAVE THE PERMISSION OR NOT YOU MUST DO IT AND YOU CAN DO THIS IN A KIND WAY. YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE MEAN, AND MAYBE MY WIFE WOULD LIKE ME TO GO SHOPPING EVERY SATURDAY AND WALK THE MALL, I WOULD HAVE TO SAY NO. AND THAT WOULD NOT BE MY THING. I WOULD GO WITH HER SOMETIMES AND GLADLY I GO. AND THE LORD LOVES A CHEERFUL GIVER. AND I DON’T LIKE TO GO TO THE MALL BUT I LOVE MY WIFE AND I DO THAT FOR HER. AS A GIFT. BUT I DON’T GIVE HER EVERY SATURDAY AT THE MALL. I WILL SAY NO. AND SHE SAYS NO TO ME ABOUT SOME THINGS.>>HERMAN: YOU WILL SAY, HERE PORTRAIT OF A HEALTHY MARRIAGE AND HERE IT IS, FOLKS, AND THIS WOULD BE WORTH THE TIME WE’VE SPENT HERE. FEELING GOOD ABOUT ONESELF. BOUNDARIES. HONESTY MOTION, TO NAME A FEW AND THERE ARE SO MANY MORE. AND IT WOULD BE SO MUCH HERE, THIS COULD TAKE YOU ONE FOR WEEK TO GO THROUGH THIS. AND ME IF YOU CAN READ THIS.>>GUEST: BUT THEY ARE SHORT CHAPTERS. AND YOU CAN READ THEM WITH ABOUT 15 MINUTES.>>HERMAN: FEELING GOOD ABOUT ONESELF IS A HEALTHY MARRIAGE,>>GUEST: YES, YOU VALIDATE YOURSELF THROUGH YOUR FAITH IN GOD AND YOU KNOW YOU ARE.>>HERMAN: AND THAT IS WHAT SHE DID NOT GET WHEN I GOT MARRIED I DID NOT FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF UNTIL LATER IN MY LIFE.>>GUEST: AND YOU DEPEND UPON HER FOR VALIDATION?>>SHARRON: PRETTY MUCH, I THINK.>>HERMAN: SHE WAS SO GOOD AND I WAS SO BAD.>>SHARRON: IN HIS MIND. YES. AND HE DID NOT LIKE HIMSELF. AND YES, AND I DID NOT.>>AND I WAS THINKING OKAY, AND I’VE GOT SOMEBODY THAT WOULD BE SO GOOD THE REFLECTION CAN HELP ME.>>GUEST: I SEE.>>HERMAN:AND THAT HAS. AND LATER ON, AND MY LIFE, I GOT RID OF THAT AND WHAT I CARED FOR SO MANY YEARS, FROM MY PARENTS AND MY CHILDHOOD AND ALL THAT. SO THAT DID LEAVE ME. WE ONLY HAVE TWO MINUTES, THE BOOK, AND WHAT WAS THE PURPOSE FOR THE BOOK? AND I MEAN, OKAY, OKAY, AND I’M LAUGHING AND MY TIME CUES. THE BOOK, THE PASSION, TO WRITE THE BOOK? WE HAVE A MOMENT.>>GUEST: THIS CAME OUT OF MY WORK WITH COUPLES AND I WOULD HELP THEM, AND I KEPT THINKING I NEED TO PUT THIS DOWN IN WRITING THAT I COULD GIVE TO THEM, LIKE A HANDOUT AND OVER 25 OR 30 YEARS DOING THE COUNSELING AND I WOULD PUT THIS TOGETHER MY HANDOUTS AND THEN I THOUGHT MAYBE WE SHOULD PUT THIS TOGETHER IN A BOOK. AND IN ADDITION TOGETHER BECAUSE MY BACKGROUND IN THEOLOGY I WANTED TO PUT TOGETHER A SECTION ON THE THEOLOGY OF MARRIAGE>>HERMAN: AND THIS IS IT ON THE SCREEN YOU COULD GET YOUR COPY AND MAKE SURE YOU DO THIS SPEND TIME IN THE WORD OF GOD. TODAY. WOULD YOU DO THAT? READ 2 CHAPTERS AND THIS WOULD BE SO EASY. AND THEN ABOUT 15 MINUTES IN PRAYER. BECAUSE JESUS CHRIST, HE IS THE ANSWER TO EVERY NEED THAT YOU HAVE. GOD BLESS YOU. GOODBYE.>>MUSIC>>THANK YOU FOR WATCHING IT IS TIME, IF YOU HAVE RECENTLY MADE A DECISION FOR CHRIST, HERMAN AND SHARRON WOULD LIKE TO HEAR FROM YOU. ♪ MUSIC ♪ MUSIC

Michael Martin

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