Healthy vs Unhealthy Relationships | Tips to Healthy Love



Hey guys, welcome back. Thanks for joining me again for another video you know what dawned on me this past week that we have done a lot of videos on this channel a lot of Educational stuff talking about emotional views talking about narcissistic abuse talking about codependency Learning how to love ourselves for maybe the first time really focusing on healthy dating But it dawned on me that I never really did a video on what a healthy relationship Even looks like and I know that a lot of people have asked me Well if this is what an unhealthy relationship looks like then what isn't healthy one look like because I've never been in one before So for this video, I want to give you seven things to kind of think about that way You can know if you are in a healthy relationship. So this video is gonna talk all about what really defines a healthy Lasting and happy relationship. And if you haven't already don't forget to hit that subscribe button down below This channel is growing so fast. It hasn't even been a year since I have actually it might be a year Actually, I think this month it is a year but anyways, even in a year the amount of growth and Amazing feedback that I've gotten from all of you guys. It's just it's it warms my heart I love what I do and I hope it shows through in these videos But anyways, I'm gonna just keep talking and talking and talking. Well, let's get right into this week's video So the first thing that will determine a healthy relationship is and I talk about this a lot I talked about this a lot in many many videos that I've done is you have to come to the table completely filled up So you have to have two people that are whole and happy two individuals that are coming together We can't come to the table half-filled. We can't come to the table expecting someone else to fill us up we can't come to the table not knowing who we are and Accepting ourselves for who we are we can't come to the table not knowing how to love ourselves and validate ourselves We can't come to the table not knowing you know, what are my values? What do I find? What do I find important in a relationship? What do I need in a relationship? We just can't come to the table Lacking any of those things because when you have two people that are not whole that's just a recipe for disaster you're talking about codependency you're talking about abuse, but when you have two people that Are just really happy in their own skin. They love themselves. They know how to validate themselves They know what they want out of life they know what they expect in a partner or just people that they surround themselves with so the first thing is To people that are whole and happy just by themselves the next thing is you have to accept your partner for who he is or who she is so If we're happy and whole and we're okay just by ourselves We and we accept ourselves. It's easy to accept other people for who they are That doesn't mean that we enter in relationships with just anyone. It means that we Support our partner we accept who they are. We love who they are. We respect who they are We're not trying to change anything about them, you know changing little things here and there like hey You know if you did this differently It could really benefit you that's good stuff always giving each other feedback and things of that sort But really trying to change someone there they're coordinates a core value Within them or a character trait or just who they are at their core That's not that's not healthy. Love that's not real love This is why it's so important when we're dating is to discover who someone is that's really what dating is all about is You're showing me that some pieces of who you are I'm showing you bits and pieces of who I am and We're seeing if we go together if we mesh and if you like what you see and that's why When you're dating over time, you're becoming more and more authentic you're showing You know your real self to this person because if you don't show it in the beginning you're eventually you know you can only play a character for so long eventually that person's gonna come out and If that person comes out a year to into a relationship or you know While you're engaged or you just got married and all sudden you decide to be like the real person that you really are That's no good so that's what dating is all about is really showing each other who we are so we either can choose to accept someone for who they are and that their flaws are something that we're willing to put up with and deal with um, I think Bob Marley says it, you know, everyone in life is gonna hurt you You just have to choose the people worth being hurt over Something like that. No, I totally just messed up that quote altogether, but that's okay. You get my drift My drift is we're all imperfect and no one's perfect We just have to find people that we love their imperfections and we love those corny things that make them who they are we love them flaws and all the next thing that will determine a healthy relationship is if you understand what love is and I think that this is really important because I don't think a lot of people Really know what true love True unconditional love actually means it's very easy to fall in love when we fall in love that's basically our emotions taking over but when we love someone love is a choice and when a choice is based off of Logic and reason and when we choose to love someone that's something that we do every single day You know over time the honeymoon phase goes goes away And of course we can always get it back and we can always rekindle a spark but as time goes on Really? What marriage and Long-term love is about is a choice to love this person That everything about them you love like I said flaws and all and you're choosing to be in love with this person. You're choosing to love this person really the basis of healthy Relationships is a friendship because in the beginning we're infatuated with someone our emotions are taking over but over time We're building that relationship with that person by going through good times by going through bad times and by sticking it out you know some of I bet I've I personally have known a lot of couples where they Can say that the hardest times that they had to go through in life as a couple drew them closer together They then had more respect for each other. They had more understanding of who the other person was I mean it really brought them together, you know good times are great but going through bad times as well and still choosing to love someone that Builds a healthy relationship that builds a lasting relationship The next thing towards building a healthy relationship is you taking responsibility for how you feel and This for me was a real eye-opener when I started Accepting that no matter what someone else did I had to take responsibility for what I felt so if someone did something that was hurtful to me even though Logically, yes, what they did is hurtful. I'm choosing to be angry. I'm choosing to stay in that place and it's a balance between acknowledging the feeling and You know learning how to parent yourself through the feeling But then letting the feeling go and not staying stuck in the feeling and I think where a lot of couples will get into trouble Is when they don't want to take responsibility for what they're thinking and how they feel in the relationship They immediately just want to blame and if you think about it Whenever a fight or a disagreement happens not just between couples but really with anyone if we just took responsibility for how we felt and Made a decision based off of how we felt what we wanted to do with that information So if someone's continuously hurting us Um, and we're continuously feeling hurt by someone we have to take responsibility for that and then we have to do something about it So do we keep this person in our lives or do we say? Okay, let's talk about what just happened let's use empathy and compassion for each other and try to understand each other's side of the story and sit down like rational adults and Try to figure out where the breakdown was. I mean, that's really emotional maturity. That's an adult relationship but when we get nasty with each other and when we do those low blows and When we're just nitpicking at each other and we're starting fights for no reason and we're blaming and then resentment happens I mean it's a snowball effect. And if both people in the beginning of a relationship could just make a commitment that no matter what happens I'm gonna take responsibility for how I feel and I'm going to always have Empathy for what you feel even if I don't agree with what you're feeling and I wouldn't feel that way I still have to respect how you feel. I mean if we were able to do that there would be Probably a lot a lot less Divorces in this country or even in the world if we just took responsibility for our own feelings The next thing is honesty and respect now in my mind the two go hand in hand because if you're gonna be honest with someone Even if it's something that they don't want to hear you have to be able to not get defensive When someone you love comes to you with something that they want to share with you some some sort of honesty now Depending on the approach of the person that's expressing themselves, you know, whether it's passive-aggressive or whether it's really abusive or hurtful That's a different story. We're just gonna pretend that we're all coming to the table. We have we all have emotional maturity We know how to communicate with each other and we're coming to the table really from a loving place We're being honest and we're coming from love We're not coming from abuse and narcissistic abuse, you know emotional abuse passive aggressiveness all of those other things. We're coming straight with love You in order to hear that honesty? You have to number one respect the person that you're getting that feedback from you have to know that that person Has your best interests at heart? And you have to feel that at your core and if you don't feel that and you feel like you're being attacked Or you feel like the way that they're saying it is, you know, like I said passive aggressive or condescending Or they're coming from that egotistical place then Most likely you're gonna react with defensive Ness Now if you also have some internal wounds that you haven't dealt with as well, you're gonna come with defensiveness as well But when two people can be honest with each other and they really respect each other, you know Think of a really I'm sure we all have a relationship doesn't matter if it's a romantic partner It can be anyone a friendship a parent a sister brother president whatever Where you can both just be blatantly honest with each other and you respect each other and you respect what that person has to say And even if you don't take on their feedback You still? Acknowledged, you know, you still respect what they're saying and you don't get defensive when they say it that's the test of a great relationship because we all want to be able to communicate what we're thinking and at times Not everything you're thinking That you want to tell your partner they're going to like or they're going to agree with and when we love each other We really know how to have a healthy relationship and we respect the other person That's much easier to listen to what they're saying and not come from that defensive place The next thing is trust and I really don't think there's any explanation with that If you don't trust your partner, then you're not in a healthy relationship. The next thing is in my opinion It's probably one of the most important things aside from you know, respect and Trust and things of that sort But it's making your relationship a priority Making your relationship a priority to say, you know, what once a week we have a date night once a month We have a date night, whatever it is that you can do for your relationship Just making your partner a priority being concerned about your partner How are they doing really coming from the place that you came from when you first met this person? You know in the beginning everything is amazing. We're giving giving giving and all of a sudden something happens in relationships where it's like we stopped giving because we want something in return and what a lot of people don't realize is that when you give You actually get so you just spent all of your time giving To your partner, right? And when you come home your wife's had a hard day helping her out giving her a minute Hey going going the tub for an hour here have a glass of wine go out with your friends. I'll watch the kids or knowing that you know, your husband just came home and had an awful day, you know giving him a back rub or Helping him do anything really just helping each other and being a team and making each other a priority That's so important. And so many people don't do that. They don't have time for romance They don't have time to put their partner first. Like they are just so consumed and so self-centered what they want and how they feel instead of just coming from a place of I want to give love to everyone and you always get it back and you know, what if you're giving in a relationship and Nothing is coming back ever then. Of course, that's time to re-examine Who's the person that you're in a relationship with you know and how are they contributing to this? Relationship because you can't do all of these things by yourself And that's why it's so important to have two people that are happy and whole and take responsibility for their own thoughts and feelings And our givers and if you had two people doing all of these things and taking responsibility, but their part in the relationship You'd have a great relationship. One of the things that I always stress throughout this entire channel is Everything starts with you. So if you want a healthy relationship if you want a great partner You have to learn how to take care of yourself. You have to learn how to be alone You have to learn how to love your life just the way it is and be happy just by yourself when you work on yourself and you heal your wounds and you get rid of that codependency you get rid of that guilt that People-pleasing, um, you know needing validation or and all of those things when you heal all of your stuff when you take responsibility for your life and your happiness you Cannot not attract a great partner because you attract what you are so I hope that this has helped you guys understand really what a healthy relationship should look like and how it should feel When you're in one, so again, thank you guys so much for all of the comments if you are interested in one-on-one coaching I will link that down below if you're interested in following me on social media I will also link that down below and I will see you next week

Michael Martin

25 Responses

  1. My ex was a narcissist but at the same time I can’t put the blame on her I know I was at fault 2. I wasn’t whole I was dependent on someone else’s love instead of just loving my self. Now that we aren’t together I’m focusing on that and on bettering myself. she never once apologized for treating me like crap while I apologized countless times for my faults. She also moved on within a month and half of us breaking up flexing her new guy on social media so u know it’s “serious” and made me think she’s been had this guy in the background for backup supply. But it’s ok I’m focused on bettering myself and getting rid of this dependency and my inner demons. All I can do is pray for her as a friend and I truly hope she gets better but the way it looks she’s not going to realize it until probably years from now if even ever which is sad.

  2. This is definitely one of your most insightful posts. I've found other ones to be amazing, but this really nails it down as the antidote to unhealthy relationships. Very simple and to the point. I wonder, however, if you could dedicate more time to Trust. It does seem like a pretty self explanatory concept, but I think the idea of trust or mistrust can also be easily disguised/misinterpreted through the relationship dynamic. Would love to hear your more in depth thoughts on that.

  3. I had relationship struggles in the past which led to a break up with my ex girlfriend. I then came across a post here on Youtube on how love spells can restore broken relationship. I got this email address(drphilipspelltemple @yahoo. com) and ordered a love spell.. to my greatest surprise it brought her back to me.. i got results before i knew

  4. After the first three points, I can proudly say that I feel completely professionally affirmed in my decision to end my last relationship. All of the things you mentioned are why I ended it–the lack if presence of those things.

  5. wow than i really did my best to make a unhealty relationship healthy 😲 because this is what i tried for so long 😲!! the relationship failed but it was not my fauld i hope my eyes will be open when i meet someone new😟 pff codependency is not fun , i feel verry lonley and thats my problem right now😓

  6. I don't think its totally realistic to expect someone to be completely happy and whole before starting a relationship. It is very important indeed to love yourself first but sadly its not entirely realistic, especially if someone is struggling with mental health issues. As long as they're working on it and their partner is supportive about it, they don't have to wait to have a relationship 😊❤️

  7. You have to just stop wanting others to love you and start loving yourself with all you heart and mind and body and soul, with every part of you. And by loving i mean stop running away from what you feel and keep fulfilling your needs, whatever they may be. Standing and staying for yourself with yourself, with Love and Support and Care.

  8. Accepting someone and loving who they are is actually very tricky. Because there are those people who make their abusive traits as an excuse to hurt you and when you call them out, they'd be like "This is me, take it or leave it". This is when self-love and self-respect come to play. You accept them and love them BUT if they are violating you in the process of loving and accepting them, you have to be able to discern when to stop and if it's truly worth it. Accepting someone for who they are is one thing, putting up with abusive treatment is another.

  9. Dumping a man who full of hate bullshit games of lies and flaws flakes ghosting Gosling jealous man who manipulate psycho toxic man. Dump him fast enough for murry and his dump friends are weak and theydon't love anything his ego or pride themselves and they destroy himself without himself bringing up the fake friends online and the fake relationship that never happened before either way that they full of lies anyways. Dump them hate women screw Keith Martin narrastic Andy Murray Paris Jackson falws because they really don't know what they want to do with the guy who doesn't text messages or email messages anymore anyone else lol lmaf Paris Jackson doesn't have any problems with kissing there asses and they don't want a lifestyle but there trashcan Maria dump them tomatoes and they go first and they don't demon man and women think differently about it a d think that people online dating sites are losers and untrustable either way and Paris Jackson doesn't have a life but to doggy around push bossy ass men they try to make Maria jealous but truthful Maria doesn't give a dam.
    🤣😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  10. I had a narcissistic dad that I have finally after 50 years given boundaries. Because of his abuse over the years I found that I am attracted to strong narcissists in both intimate relationships and friends. Once I discovered this and realized that most of the people in my life were actually really only in it for themselves, I started weeding out the narcissists. The problem now is, there is nobody left!.. I could not have done this however prior to learning to love myself but now I find it very lonely. How do I meet and establish relationships with 'healthy' people? Its almost foreign to me. I think you are amazing. If I could find someone just like you, that would be just fine with me. Thanks for the info.

  11. if your married to a narsicist 38 years ( I'm embarrassed to admit)..do u say change or goodbye…I know winning the lottery would b possible if they do change…lol

  12. Look, it is so simple after taking the red pill.

    DO

    1/pay your way
    2/support, and respect
    3/be honest

    AH HARMONY, AND STRAIGHT, LOVELY, NO HIDDEN NASTY SURPRISES

    A 😎 future

    DO NOT

    1/be mean, lie about finances, refuse to contribute, think you are too special to pay for anything.
    2/criticise,negatively judge, belittle, suck the confidence out of anyone.
    3/lie,deceive,scheme, calculate, or manipulate

    OH FUCK TOXIC, UNHEALTHY, INSECURE, AND UNSTABLE.

    Suicide is painful.

    That is it, I have left nothing out, I do not know what she is waffling on about, but maybe someone loves the sound of her own voice.
    Mostly the obvious.

    😁 FUCK TRUST, THAT IS HOW I GOT INTO HER NARC CESSPIT.

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