Do Long Distance Relationships Work? [ADVICE]


Is it focused? It is my second time filming this video because the first time i shot it it was out of focus and i tried to fix it in post but you can’t do that! Mom, can you check if this is focused? *grunts* Mom – it looks good to me! It’s focused? Mom – yeah! Okay. Great. Great, okay! Mom – good luck, bella Thanks 🙂 Hello my beautiful people, welcome back to my channel *sings* it’s Keara! And today I’m gonna be doing a
video all about long distance relationship advice! You guys asked me a
bunch of questions on Instagram so I am here answering all of your advice. I know
a bunch of you are in long-distance relationships – I feel like it’s a thing
that a lot of queer relationships are long distance. I don’t know why but it
just is! I am in one myself so I’m only speaking from experience, you don’t need
to take my advice if you don’t want to. Before we jump into the video, I have
some exciting news. So I don’t know if you guys have seen my short film “Night
Drive” but if you have, thank you so much for all of your support because it just
got admitted into Buffer Festival in Toronto which is like a YouTuber kind of
film festival Stevie Boebi’s premiering her short film there which I am also in! and I did not realize that it would get this popular and I’m just very very grateful
for every single one of you. So, with that being said, if you do live in the Toronto area, feel free to come out to the screening. I will be there, Jess will be there who plays Heidi Matias will be there who plays Travis,
my mom, my sister and my girlfriend Lauren and it’s gonna be a really fun time, you can come and meet us and watch the screening and also make
sure you buy a ticket to Stevie Boebi’s screening as well Yeah I will link
everything down below in the description and I really hope to see you there! Now without further ado let’s get on into the questions and… If you want to go
follow my Instagram, I will put it somewhere here All of my other social
media links will be in the description. Make sure you like this video if you
want to see more content like this and subscribe *kiss* So the first and probably most
popular question I got was “Is it worth the wait?” “Is the long distance relationship worth the wait?” and I think I can only respond
to this in my own personal relationship because every single relationship is
different. In my personal relationship it is definitely worth the wait because I see
myself being with her in the future and breaking the distance eventually and I
think if you can see yourself breaking the distance with your partner, then it
will be worth the wait and if you do truly really love this person, then I think it
definitely is worth the wait. Probably the second most popular question I
got was “What can you do to keep the momentum going?” because you know, sometimes you go
months without seeing each other and it’s really hard to stay connected so something that my girlfriend and I always do is we FaceTime at night
because we know that that’s when we’re gonna be free so we always check off
like a time period from like 9:00 to 11:00 where we can just talk
uninterrupted and thankfully we do have the same time zone. She lives in the
United States and I live in Canada but we’re both in Eastern time so at least
we don’t have the time zone barrier which I’m sure many of you guys do. You know, we’re always texting during the day and sending each other, like what
we’re eating for dinner or pictures from our walk in the forest or crazy stories
about what happened at work just literally anything to keep in contact. Plan a date when you get to see them next and write that down
your calendar I actually have this app and it’s a
countdown clock so it shows like the hours and days and minutes until your
event and I always write down the day that I’m gonna see her and I’m always
looking at it and texting her and being like “Oh my gosh, eight more days!” Right now, it’s… I think it’s like two days until I get to see her so I’m super
excited. That keeps the momentum going and it keeps things interesting and it
just gives you something to look forward to. This one’s actually a really relevant
question… “What can I do if physical affection is my love language?” That is
really hard for me too because my– the main way that I feel love is by being
physically close to someone and hugging and kissing and cuddling and all that
nice stuff but obviously when you’re in a long-distance relationship you can’t
do that all the time. I think the next best option is resorting to verbal
affirmations such as “I love you” and “I can’t wait to see you” and “you mean so
much to me” and just being grateful for your partner verbally instead of, you
know, being physically with them. I think that’s the next best option. Also a really important thing to do is have family and friends by your side at all
times and keep busy with lunch dates with your friends, movie nights with your
mom, etc, whatever makes you happy do it! I encourage you to focus on things that
you love to do such as, you know, writing music or going on walks, going to the
beach or you know, maybe doing makeup tutorials or doing things that just
bring you joy when you’re not with your partner.
I think it’s a really good idea. The next question is “How do you decide where to
meet up?” So my girlfriend and I meet up every month or so, sometimes it’s more
sometimes it’s less And we’ll alternate months so this month I’m
going to where Lauren lives and next month Lauren’s coming to Toronto
and we just alternate each month. I mean we haven’t really done this yet, but
we’ll book a trip together somewhere cool and just explore and we don’t need
to go to each other’s hometown we can go elsewhere. Someone else asked “Doesn’t
distance lessen your love?” because sometimes distance helps you forget
about someone. That’s a really good question but I disagree because I think
distance strengthens our love and increases the desire to want to see each
other again and we’re always missing each other
which is good because it means that we have feelings for each other, you know, if
you didn’t miss someone then…. maybe you don’t want to see them again. Distance can make the heart grow fonder as the saying goes. I also got a lot of questions about “I’m worried that my partner is going to cheat. How do I trust them?” and that’s another question that is very
subjective to your situation. My situation is I know there’s no way
that either of us would cheat because there’s no one else we’re looking at and
all we see is each other and we would just never do that — we’re not the type of
people to do that. It depends on your partner. I don’t know who y’all are dating but I
hope you would trust them enough that they wouldn’t go and cheat on
you while you’re not together. I can’t really tell you how
to trust someone it just depends on their character. The next question is “How do you enjoy your life when they’re not around?” Like I said before, keep busy with
things that you love to do such as going out with your friends, hanging out with
your family, getting close to your loved ones… You know, whatever hobbies or even
your work. Get involved in your hobbies and your work and whatever
brings you joy because when you’re not with your partner, you need something
else that’s gonna bring you joy other than them, so I’d say keep busy so that
you don’t have to miss them all the time and think about how you miss them so much and
it just becomes a cycle of missing someone. Another thing is taking care of
yourself. Practicing self-care on a daily basis cultivates your relationship with
yourself and you can’t fully love another person unless you love yourself
first. Someone else asked “What do I do if they’re not putting in enough effort and
I’m putting in all the effort?” I think communication is key and you need to
bring that up to them if you’re having an issue with them. Communication is so
important in long-distance relationships. You always have to tell your partner
what’s wrong. You can’t play that whole game like “I’m fine don’t worry about it”
you need to be straight up with your partner because nothing’s ever gonna get
fixed if you don’t tell them and it’s not like they know because they’re with
you in a physical space, they’re so far away, maybe they don’t know that
something’s wrong and the only way it’s gonna get better is if you bring it
up to them. Talk to your partner. Have a phone conversation, FaceTime them, Skype
them, whatever you want to do. Talk to them. Another question is “How can I tell
if my feelings are changing? Sometimes when you’re far away from someone you
don’t know.” My advice for that is, if you are
genuinely really excited to see them, that’s a good sign. That means that your
feelings are the same and you still really love this person. If just thinking
about being with them, hugging them, kissing them and everything makes you so
happy then I don’t think your feelings have
changed unless you find someone else attractive and you’re not interested in
your partner anymore but if you genuinely are excited to talk to them at
the end of the night on FaceTime or your face lights up when they text you, I
don’t think your feelings have changed but that’s also up to you and I can’t tell
you how you feel so that is up to you! “Best part about long-distance relationships?”
is another question. My favorite part about long-distance relationships is I
feel like it just makes the connection so much stronger and I know that this
relationship is actually worthwhile because we both want to put the effort in to see each other. We both want to move in together someday. It increases
the drive to want to see each other and be with each other. I love the feeling of,
you know, not seeing my partner for a month and then going to pick her up at
the airport, like it’s the best feeling! If you know you know. It’s the most
amazing feeling ever. Sometimes you take advantage of spending
quality time with your partner if they live in the same city as you,
so this way you’re always grateful to see them and you’re resonating from a
place of appreciation. And the last question I’m gonna be answering today is “Can long distance relationships work?” They can work if you want them to work and if
you put in the effort and if your partner is putting in the effort.
Honestly it’s all effort and communication. It’ll work if it’s
supposed to work and if it’s the divine plan of your life. They can work and I’ve–
I have so many friends who are in long-distance relationships– I even have
friends that did long-distance for like five years and now they’re finally
married and they wouldn’t have been able to be married right now if they didn’t
do long-distance for the five years and it’s a real test to a relationship but I
think it’s an important test and I think long-distance relationships are really
special in that way. If you are in a long-distance relationship,
comment down below join the fam! I know how hard it is sometimes so I will be
really happy if you find this video helpful and you just realize that
you’re not alone– you’re not the only person in a long distance relationship. I
am too! I do this to myself, but I’m so glad I did because if you’re watching this Lauren, I love you so much! *kiss* To bits and pieces Yeah, so comment down below if you’re in an LDR and what’s your experience with it? Are you enjoying it? Are you not enjoying it? If you have any more questions,
comment them down below. If you want me to do a sequel to this video, let me know
below, and once again make sure you buy tickets to the screening of my short
film and Stevie Boebi’s short film. I will be there. Come meet me! I’m so
excited when I get to meet my fans and– my followers, not even really my fans.
My friends. Y’all are my friends. Alright! That is it for today and I love you so
much. See you soon! Bye!

Michael Martin

100 Responses

  1. LDR do work when you are meant to be with that person
    I am Brazilian and my fiancé is American and we are in a long distance relationship since 2016 seen eachother whenever we can and FINALLY after all this time…. WE ARE GETTING MARRIED NEXT YEAR 😍😍😍😍

  2. the sparkle in your eyes when you talk about your girlfriend is literally so precious 😔💘 youre so lucky to have each other 💘

  3. Can you make a video on how to confess your feelings to a girl? I have a massive crush on this girl in my English class and I don’t know how to tell her. I overthink this so much.

  4. It can work if you are loyal and you respect each other and always communicate with them. It can work just keep it real. #nogames

  5. I am a little sissy girl transgender and a bisexual un 🌈🌈🌈🌈👭👬💅💘❤💗🌸💋💙👅💝💖💕💕💜🌸💚💓💖💕❤💗🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸💅🚘🚘💞💘❤💗🌸💖💙👅🌸💓💕🐩👣💜❤🌸💕👅💘❤💗🌸💞💜💚💗🌸💓💘❤💜💚💖💙💘❤

  6. I am in a long distance relationship for 6 months. We've never met before, but we keep talking on FaceTime and I can't wait to see her at the beginning of November! The distance between us is not that big, but we had so much stuff to do, so we couldn't see each other. For example my girl is finishing school and works at the weekends, so it's not possible to meet. I know, that it'll be worth waiting, because she's the most beautiful, kind and loving person I've ever met 🥰

  7. my partner and I did long distance for only 5 months and it's definitely tough but so worth it in the end! I can't imagine doing years but I know what you mean: when you know, you know. we happily live together now and I wouldn't change a thing 🙂 love seeing you and lauren so happy keara!!!

  8. I was in a LDR this year, it lasted 2 months because I had to end it due to the situation in my life (homophobic fam, exams etc., even age gap – not big but it's a factor). It would've worked if things were different and if I was ready. She made me happy.

  9. Just wanted to say thank you for your insta story today on bisexual awareness week it made me feel super valid and !! visible !! Luv u bi mom 💗💜💙

  10. i'm in a ldr and i love her with my whole heart but the biggest struggle for us is that neither one of us can drive and our families don't know we're dating so we don't know when we'll be able to meet and it can just feel a little discouraging :/ but we talk constantly and have sm love for each other i know it'll work out and be worth it :')

  11. In a long distance relationship wife is in New York and I'm in new Zealand she had to go back to NY to set up a apartment and job while I tidy up things here . It's hard but we even shower together u just got to get creative

  12. I am in a LDR for two years with a boy that lives 250.000 km (where I live thats a really long distance). We meet once a month and we have one of the strongest conections I ve seen two people have. I genuinely believe he is the one and when I finish school (i graduate this year) we are going to move in together
    Long distance will look like a really bad move in the beginning,people gonna say things and you will overthink about everything but at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is how your so makes you feel… So I definitely agree, long distance relationships are difficult but if it's with the right person it will work out

  13. This made me so hopeful for my ldr. We seriously live on the other side of the word but we've met 1 time ( we weren't together yet back then sadness ). I love them so much💕💕

  14. Omg thank you like I used to be in a long distance relationship didn’t work out but this is what I was talking about with my ex , she didn’t put any effort and she didn’t communicate at all that’s why it didn’t work

  15. I want say sorry to my girlfriend. And I want to say "I love you" to my girlfriend. I'm so much busy to my studies. Thank for your Advice kaera☺️🌹

  16. Hi, I’m in one. Super nice to see them becoming kind of the norm. I feel like a lot of people judge them but they’re better than ya think 🙂

  17. Oh my god, you really look drop dead gorgeous!! And your advices were really great too, thank you so much for this video 💞

  18. Me: feels a little lonely about being in a long distance relationship and questioning it
    Keara: * this video in my subscription box *

  19. I am recently out of a long distance relationship because she moved to calgary with me! I feel so happy with her and I feel like long distance just brought us closer. some might say it doesn't work but Iam so in love even more because we are living together.

  20. I was in an LDR. It ended this weekend. It was an issue of me putting in so much effort that wasn’t reciprocated. She just had a lot of things going on and just didn’t have time to call me or FaceTime me and wouldn’t communicate about her day. I brought the issue up several times and there would be brief periods of improvement. And then we would go back to the same feeling of loneliness and distance. We were together for ten months though. And I truly trust her and was never worried about her cheating or anything. I think it’s important to make sure that your partner will be willing/able to put in the same amount of effort you are, so it doesn’t feel one sided or become very draining.

    Sending all the positive vibes to any LDRs that are just starting or continuing. Y’all can do it!

  21. Keara this is off topic but i love you so so so sooooooooooooooooooooo im in India its morning rn and u just made my dayyyyy
    I love u so muchhhhhhhhh💝
    PS im on team single but still watched the vid till the end lol

  22. This is so satisfying to hear cause my girl and I were talking about this just last week and we're worried about the future 🙂

  23. I'm an international student in NYC and my girlfriend is finishing up her Master's in Portugal we see each other on school breaks and we graduate around the same time so we'll break the distance then 🙂 I wish all the best for you and Lauren!

  24. i clicked in just want to see u little pretty cutie haha. didnt know u have gf before, so nice, all the best✨ im going to check ur previous videos now and congrats for the film success😄

  25. My girlfriend and I are in the long distance relationship ,we lives far away ,I'm from Taiwan and she is from Canada.
    I think it's hard sometimes, because we are in the different timezone ,so we need to stay up late night or wake up really early to keep texting each other.
    But it's pretty worth ,we both love each other, that's enough ❤

  26. i’ve known my girlfriend for four years. we met on an art site for kids – i was thirteen, she was eleven. we started dating this past april, and i’ve never been happier to be with someone. unfortunately, i live in illinois, and she lives in new york. holding out for april! my baby’s coming to chicago!!

  27. I'm going to answer, too. Just for fun!

    1) Worth the wait! My GF and I want to close the gap next year! It means me moving to America
    2) FaceTime is a life saver. I FT every morning and every night. And at weekends, it's been known that we don't even disconnect (if we're not out) – countdown for me is 63 days until seeing her again.
    3) We make things and say LOTS to reassure each other about our feelings.
    4) I keep busy with hobbies, friends and family.
    5) We're in our 30's, so we have our own places in each country. I'm staying with my girl for 39 days over the holidays.
    6) Absence makes the heart grow fonder. I feel like when we eventually close the gap, it's something that we've worked so hard on, it'll be so much stronger when we're together.
    7) People cheat whether you're 4 miles away, or 4,000 miles. keep communicating and the trust will grow.
    8) Time apart is also important…
    9) If they're not putting in as much effort, chances are they're not as into you… talk about it and see where they are.
    10) You will know how you feel, just be honest with yourself, so that it's easier to be honest with your partner. I CAN'T WAIT to see B each day!
    11) I think LDRs work… if you're both willing to work at it!

  28. in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend for the past two years. she goes to school in Montreal and I’m still in Toronto. So for us we have the good fortune of seeing each other for the whole summer. but on the topic of trust: saying everything that you mean is key. having conversations that feel unnatural or scary is necessary. talking about how it’s okay for each of you to not want to be with the other anymore, and that neither of you are trapped. that way if your partner feels a connection with another person, it won’t be their first reaction to try and hide it from you and build up a wall of tension and disconnect. but the best part of being in a long distance relationship is how good you get at being apart and how much it forces you to explore yourself, and then how good and right it feels to be together. been with my girlfriend for almost 3 years and it just gets better and easier and more worth it all the time.

  29. tips for ldrs:
    1: lean forward and pretend to kiss the screen or camera when u skype or ft. im so happy my gf and normalized this very early on. it feels so much more real and tangible to lean forward and kiss than it does to just blow a kiss. if your love language is physical touch, this helps.
    2: handwritten messages on iMessage. So magical to see your girl’s letters appear on the screen the way she wrote them
    3: surprise letters or gifts in the mail, with or without a special occasion. You can even get a local florist in their area to deliver to them. Flowers are really great but trying to travel with them is stupid lol
    4: talk. About. Everything. Don’t be afraid to cry together and venture into scary territory. It’s necessary
    5: have gravity objects. I left my pillow at my girlfriend’s house and when she gets scared or feels lonely, I tell her to cuddle it and pretend it’s me
    6: voice memos in place of texts sometimes

  30. I find it really hard because of the time zone. My boyfriend his time is 5 and half hours difference. He usually calls me very late and not for a very long time. He busy alot of the time. 😓 X
    Great video x

  31. I'm in a long distance relationship. My fiance is in the navy and I just saw him this weekend for 4 days. I haven't seen him since june and those were the best 4 days ever. He just proposed to me on the 22nd while we were hiking in Yosemite national park. It's hard to be away from him but just like you said being in a long distance when you have communication it strengthens your bond. I love my fiance with all my heart and I can not wait for what is yet to come

  32. I just closed the distance on my ldr about a month ago and a few things we used to do to stay connected would be gaming online (we played Mario kart, starbound, stardew valley, etc), lots of Skype whenever possible and we even would both make something nice for dinner, get on Skype and kind of have like a nice dinner date online lol. Having plans to see eachother is huge as well as having a plan to close the distance eventually. It took us 4 years, I lived in the US and he (and I!) live in Norway now.

    Also if you're having trouble trusting your partner (long distance or not!) you have to look within and ask yourself…why?

  33. Cheating in my opinion is about the partners characteristics, not the nature of the relationship.
    If your partner really loves you and is 100% sure you're the one who they want to spend their eternity with you. They won't cheat wether the distance between you and them is by states or contents!
    Distance isn't always a factor for cheating, if your partner is willing to cheat, they'll cheat on you while they're sitting on the couch next to you, texting their side chick/dick. So yeah

  34. Ok so StOryTiMe 🤡

    So I met this girl online we talked until..she asked me out..I cried (btw I had never cried when someone has asked me out) it was a good 2 days until she told me that she can’t deal with the “long distance relationship” and that she wasn’t ready….I cried for maybe 2 solid hours… and the thing is she wasn’t that far from were I live 15 minute drive…tbh I still love her and I know love is a strong word but I do we didn’t talk for days it was longer and she actually liked me…

  35. hello keara graves i am from bolivia and i have been see your videos to learn english you really help me tank for that and greating

  36. Wow, I had a completely different opinion to long distance relationships but you really did change my opinions on it and widen my perspective on it. Thanks for that. Great vid 🙂

  37. Been in long distance for almost 3 months now, and I’m seeing her for the first time in 7 days🥺❤️ it’s definitely worth it! She makes me so happy and this has genuinely been the best 3 months of my life, I can’t wait to see her🤧💓

  38. The hard part is my girlfriend and I have a 12 hour time difference so finding the time to skype and ft is so hard, especially because both of us have school and I’m starting my national exams this year and soon but we text every day

  39. She calls me like randomly here and there for like 5 min we don't talk like all day like we used to it's that ok? I wish I could talk to her like we used to

  40. Been in a long distance for almost 2 years now. Been amazing but I feel like she isn't built for it as much as I am. Did you guys ever have times where you weren't sure it was worth the struggle?

  41. Thank you so much Keara for your video!! It's on point!! I've just started a LDR because my boyfriend got into an amazing music school in Lyon and we've only known our life here in Paris up until now! But actually, yesss it's amazing! My heart is full of butterflies every time I see him and hug him!! And you realize maybe a bit more than before that a realtionship, what ever the status, necessarily asks for an effort, you have to work for it, to show your love and grow with your significant other! I wish I were in Toronto right now to meet you (I'm Canadian and half of my family lives in Toronto!) but Paris is pretty far… You never know, we might meet someday! Hope so 🤗❤

  42. I love your theory about distance making the two of you grow closer. Can you talk to my wife and convince her that me going to Vegas for a week by myself would bring us closer together?

  43. I'm also in a ldr, we haven't met yet but I can't wait too. This really helped thank you! Sending it to my girlfriend now 😊💗❤️

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