Dan Ariely: On Dating & Relationships – Whiteboard Animation

when you get to know somebody better what are some of the first things you learn about them that they disappoint you in all kinds of ways so this is true this is true in visual illusion if you take pictures of people and you blur them out and you make them fuzzy everybody looks more attractive as you get into the little details of life you start seeing wrinkles right when you look at people in general terms you only see the good things in them this by the way is not just about romantic attraction you know in companies hire CEOs and the higher CEOs from outside the company they often have high expectations from them but when you look at the results the results show that they pay way more to external CEOs than internal ones and they perform worse but when you look at an external one it's very easy to say oh my goodness this person is just right because you don't know the little details right so if you if you look at somebody you don't know very well all the little annoying habits that they have are just going to be outside of scope for you and you will just imagine that they all work well only when they move in you get to to see those those details so imagine a world in which when you look at other people they look more glorious than when you get to know them in all the details and now you're in bed next to somebody and you wake up in the morning and you say is this what I want for the rest of my life when I have other options here and this is the tinder right your phone is here and and and you basically in all of those things all those options look so wonderful by the way also in online dating or Facebook whatever is people only present their positive side right so you don't so you have this bias idea that the outside option the set of the outside option looks so promising and now you wake up next to somebody or you have a little fight with somebody and you think to yourself in one click I could have a date with somebody else now imagine that you have an apartment and you have a deal with the landlord that it day to day and every morning you wake up and you say do I want to extend this lease or not and every day your landlord decide if they want to extend that lease or not how much would you invest in the apartment would you paint the walls would you get flowers would you fix the walls would you do all kinds of things of course not because you're always with one foot outside so the analogy is that you wake up next to your romantic partner every morning and you say should we do it for another day or should we stop now the moment you think in the short-term horizon the or that you will invest in the relationship is much much lower so the thing that worries me is that when we are in the relationship but continuously with one foot out and continuously thinking about how the outside world is more tempting and more interesting and so on it's actually not a good recipe for investing in a relationship it's not a zero-sum game it gets better when you invest in it and if you don't think you're there for a long time the like view of investment is just not that high [Applause]

Michael Martin

19 Responses

  1. The Most Common Mistakes That Men Make Begin With How They Text.

    Whether it's a text that you sent when you just met or even the text messages that you send now or in the future. I often wondered why potential candidates that I have met in the past abruptly stopped texting me as soon as I sent a "no no" text. I kept repeating these same mistakes until I visualized the true meaning of texts that I've sent. For example, the texts that I was sending, I didn't ask myself "is this a text message that is going to make her smile or laugh"? Imagine if your text messages had that constant appeal to her how quickly her interest in you would go from 1-100 in a second. This may not be an issue for some of you out there, but for the majority of us it is. I am sure I could of learned these things the hard way by constantly falling flat on my face enough times. I made extreme improvements whenever I read dePriest's whole article about texting like a RockStar. This stuff should be implemented into the dating hall of fame. https://tinyurl.com/txtthatgirl

  2. Very well-done, and yes investment in anything worthwhile for the long term!

    #‎OdedFriedGaon ‪#OdedMusic #OdedInformation #Audioded

  3. I see a lot of people keep on speaking about Troplusfix Dating Secrets (just search it on google). But I'm uncertain if it is good. Have you ever tried this popular dating course?

  4. I would like to translate captions in Italian, but community contributions are disabled for this video. Are you interested in letting me do it?

  5. You guys should do more. this is the most wonderful motivational video I've watched in years.

  6. This can make sense, but only assuming that the person you're in a relationship with, is someone who meets your original standards and are objectively compatible with. if you're in a relationship with someone you've from the beginning and throughout the relationship has disappointed you, you should NEVER settle.

  7. this is the recipe for long lasting relationship yes, but its human nature to fantasize and look elsewhere unfortunately. social media and the accessibility to photographs/pornography/videos do have an input to these negative characteristics

  8. If one likes this video, one may also enjoy: Brené Brown on Empathy ( from the RSA).

    Do a YouTube search… worth watching, imho.

  9. I found this exactly situation myself.
    It's easier to fall this loop.
    I saw it with my eye.
    I agree with this summary.

  10. Been a long time fan of yours Dan but I have to disagree with the while premise. If someone is a complete stranger to you what you are assuming is the initial first interaction will always be positive. What if the first thing you notice out of the fuzz is the person is tall and you only like short people?

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