4 Reasons People Get Divorced & How To Fix Them


Relationships are challenging. I get it. I know that experience. In fact, there may be some days you’ll even
say to yourself, “Maybe we should just get a divorce.” Why are you saying that? Because you wanna end the discomfort, the
distress, the conflict that you’re experiencing and you don’t see any other way to relieve
it. So the good news is you’re looking for solutions
to end the distress and pain in your life that the relationship is…it appears the
relationship is creating it. But I’m here to tell you, you’re creating
it and there’s four primary reasons that we create this distress that cause then the choice
to divorce because we want out, we want out of the conflict, and we wanna be done with
it. Now, there may be some scenarios like people
are unfaithful, and addictions, and there’s some pretty heavy duty stuff that a person
is not willing to address, own, and change. I’m talking about more common, everyday upsets. Just not getting along anymore, not getting
along, feeling alone, feeling… They’re just… There’s not a sense of companionship. How do you avoid that? How do you avoid getting in a place where
you’re having the thought, “Maybe we should just get a divorce”? So I’m gonna give you the four reasons that
people get divorced and solutions to prevent going there. My husband and I have been through multiple
cycles. We’ll have been married 39 years this year,
and in the past, we haven’t done this for at least 5 or 6 years now, but prior to that
we would go through these cycles of the maybe we should just get a divorce phase because
things were so hard and challenging. We stuck it out, we’ve learned, we’ve grown,
and we have the best relationship we’ve ever had. And we used everyone of these resources. Every one of them, we employed. The number one reason people get a divorce
is their needs are not being met, their false expectations of what they think the other
person should be doing, but they’re expecting it. And then they feel frustrated, let down, they
blame their partners, we judge each other. How many times do you give corrective feedback
that it’s so common now you don’t even know you’re doing it, where you’re telling them
to do something else or what they’re doing you don’t like, and there’s a lot of exchange
on the negative side of things? So these false expectations actually come
into play when you don’t understand each other very well and you’re seeing the world through
your lens and your filter, and expecting your partner to be more like you. What corrects that? You’ll find that in this book, “It’s Just
My Nature.” This is where I teach, and you can also find
this information online at caroltuttle.com. I have a free course that teaches you my system
of energy profiling. There are four types of natural expression
that are a deep innate quality and every human being. We lead with a dominant expression of one
of the four types. This information alone completely flipped
my relationship with my husband. I started to understand him for who he was,
how he moved through the world, his thought processes, his behaviors, how he would process
feelings and emotions, the way he would move through different life experiences. He’s a Type 2. He’s considered the soft subtle energy. I’m a Type 3. He started to understand that I’m a swift,
dynamic, more of an extrovert than him, more of a go-getter than him. I stopped saying to him, “You need to just
go for it,” then he stopped saying to me, “Calm down. You need to settle down.” We started to see each other for who we are
and support each other. That was just…like, 80% of our relationship
improved just by having this information. I’ve literally had hundreds and hundreds of
people that have gone through my online courses and my books say, “You saved our marriage. That information saved our marriage.” I’ve also had, unfortunately, hundreds of
people say, “I think that information could have saved our marriage if we had understood
each other and had more reasonable expectations.” It’s a real eye opener and it changes your
filter of your partner. Second reason, poor communication skills. I’m amazed how many people do not sit down
and have heart to heart real vulnerable conversations. Most people deal with what I call…this is
where this book comes into…it’s another book. Here’s the next resource. I have a section in here called, “How to Create
Affluent Relationships.” I teach you my top 10 communication skills. One of them is learning how to listen, truly
listen from a place of empathy. That’s not a new skill set, but very few people
have learned it. We let our emotions hijack our ability to
listen and we need to be heard more than we’re willing to listen when we’re processing emotional
energy. So one of the tips is don’t try and talk things
out when you’re mostly charged, when your brain is filled with emotion, and it’s not
gonna be productive. So don’t try and work it out till you’re both
settled down and you’re emotionally balanced, and you’re able to come from a mature proactive
place. Communication skills is huge. People that divorce are not communicating
well. They’re triggering each other, they’re blaming
each other, they’re at odds with each other. And communication skills are key to supporting
a healthy relationship. Those go hand in hand for me, knowing your
energy type and your partner’s and knowing how to communicate. In fact, in my lifestyle, addressingyourtruth.com/lifestyle,
I have a course that you get with your lifestyle membership called the Rewarding Communications
Course. You learn to communicate based on energy types
and it’s beautifully successful. There have been thousands of people that have
taken that course with huge benefits. So communication, number two reason. Get those communication skills. It’s a skill set. You have to develop skills to be a good communicator. Third reason, unmet needs. Now, this kinda goes along with the false
expectations one, but unmet needs are things that didn’t happen for you when you were a
small one. When you were little and tiny, you didn’t
get your needs met. And as a result you’re wanting your partner
now to make up the difference. They become the surrogate mom or dad and it’s
the biggest cause of codependency. We play out different roles, processes, we
try and get those needs met through passive-aggressive ways, we feel let down, we feel like…and
we even say things like, “You’re not meeting my needs.” Well, my husband and I have that conversation
way too many times and we get in many, many arguments. And, you know, you’ll hear anything from,
“Oh, I’m not your mother and I’m not your father,” and blah-blah-blah. And we finally realized that it’s our job
to make sure our own needs are met and that we can enroll our partner to support us in
that function rather than hook it on them, that it’s up to them to be the one responsible
for that. So we learned to be proactive with that. Where you learn that? What’s the resource? healwithcarol.com. I have a four-week healing plan that will
take you through daily and weekly practices and healing sessions to heal your unmet needs
from your childhood. And I teach you how to start meeting your
own needs, so you can then get the support of your companion without them feeling the
drain and the drudge of you needing them to show up a different way. That’s where it doesn’t work, when they feel
that pull, “You need to do this for me. I need you to be this way for me. I need you to say this to me. I need you to touch me this way.” That needy pull. Nobody responds favorably to that. So go to healwithcarol.com and do the four-week
healing plan for your childhood wounds. Number four, replaying unhealthy patterns. How many of you have had that experience where
it’s like, “Here we go again. Same argument, same back and forth. And we should just record this and play the
recording and we could go to a movie or something while we’re playing the recording”? Why does that happen? Why do we fall prey to that over and over,
and over? Well, it’s because of the three ones I just
mentioned: false expectations by misunderstanding each other’s natures, not understanding each
other’s natures, poor communication skills so you can’t work things out, and neediness,
neediness. So now, your replay pattern, the same pattern
over and over, and over. We’re going back to this resource, the section
on how to create an affluent relationship, section 6. I take you through a one-week experience to
shift your relationship. You don’t even have to have your partner involved. You can shift your relationship as a one sided
participant. It would shift both of you. You’d be amazed the power you have to shift
the whole relationship by you showing up and choosing that. So you don’t have to go away from this video
going, “Well, that’d be nice if my spouse would do it,” or “my boyfriend,” or “my girlfriend,”
but they won’t.” No, no, no. Do it yourself and you’re gonna be the alchemist
of your relationship, and they’re gonna start changing right before your eyes and you’re
gonna go, “Oh my goodness, they’re like a whole different person.” You change the energetic dance, they’ll change
the way they dance with you. Thanks for watching. Like this video if you found it helpful, which
I think you have. And share in a comment an aha, an insight,
or a question you may have. Thanks for subscribing and share this with
someone that could use this support today. Share the video with someone that’s challenged
by their relationship, so they can become proactive in making things better in their
life. Thanks for helping heal the planet by healing
yourself, because that’s where it starts.

Michael Martin

5 Responses

  1. One cannot fix a loss in trust. Trust in the foundation of any relationship. My ex lied to me numerous times over numerous topics (money being the primary one). I paid off $40,000 in her student loan debt and credit cards, and guess what happened? She opened up new cards and accumulated new debt, and hid it from me until I found out from collection agencies that she wasn't paying her debts. Lastly, she was sexting pictures of herself to an old boyfriend she had (he was also married). She confronted me on this, I didn't snoop on her phone. That was the last straw of deceit and lies. So, you cannot fix this, at least, a strong person with integrity, like myself, should never accept this behavior.

  2. Hi, Carol, what would be a common expectations that a type 1/4 and a 2 would experience and present to each other?

  3. Carol, thank you for making this video. It was very helpful for me. My husband is a type 2/4 and I just knew once he married me, I would change his whole life and he would be this happy go lucky extroverted person like me. (Ha ha yeah right) HUGE bummer for me, this did not happen lol. Thanks to you I have learned to accept him for his introverted ways and love him even if he is NOT doing what I want him to do. This stuff is seriously the hardest thing in the world, but the most enlightening once you understand it. Thank you for sharing, I think every married person needs to watch this. ❤️

  4. Thank you for watching my video! I hope it helped! If you are struggling in other areas of your life, I invite you and encourage you to visit my healing website as I provide several different resources to help you start living a life you love!

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